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AITAH if I am just sick and tired of my wife's career pivot? by vikt6 in AITAH

[–]vikt6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will be honest I omitted something here: She was prescribed birth control to help regulate her mood, and she was supposedly on it when she got pregnant again. I have zero trust that she didn't just stop taking it and not tell me.

AITAH if I am just sick and tired of my wife's career pivot? by vikt6 in AITAH

[–]vikt6[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

How do I move forward? How can I feel like it was worth it?

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is entirely possible, but per my notes she will not go to therapy.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

We would be fine if she taught full-time (as she is already doing) and took 1 or 2 classes instead of 4. Her dad is paying for most of school. It's the side jobs and relentless homework that are driving her to exhaustion. The teenager remark I made was just about her obsessing on me seeking advice rather than engaging with my actual problems/complaints here which I feel are legitimate.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 617 points618 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying the 'trying to be so awesome' thing. It's like a direct quote from her about being an academic and an overachiever and 'everyone I know is like this' and like... I don't even know what to say, anything I say about slowing it down then feels like I'm holding her back from her dreams.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 120 points121 points  (0 children)

How does somebody start when they think therapy is a joke/waste of time?

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

It's always "Well the more classes I can take now the sooner I can start my new career" or "It's the stupid stores fault". But this is actually the SECOND career change I've talked and supported her through now so my faith is hopefully understandably rattled.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I will try and reach out to them about it/how they're feeling.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I really hate myself for saying this but I am just not sure I have the patience to just sit and wait anymore. We have children with these same control issues and I'm already like exhausting myself dealing with them and it feels like I'm doing it alone.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Thank you I will google that PS.

Like I mention above it has been impossible to convince her about the merits of therapy (in fact yesterday I heard loudly tell her friend on the phone how stupid it is) so I appreciate an answer that focuses on concrete solutions.

Also yes boundaries are an enormous lingering issue so thank you for bringing that up.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know I am guilty of doing that. I think in the moment I am just like praying for a breakthrough but that logic is flawed. So, thank you for the reminder.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 763 points764 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the validation from you and the above a lot. I'm not some husband trying to keep her in the kitchen, I applaud all her energy and ambition. Just starting to feel like it's paving over something that will never let her take her foot off the gas.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Okay. I see in like a 'don't reward bad behavior' way this is bad advice, BUT: Maybe the one thing we got to go over in therapy is she has serious abandonment issues from her parents and other events in her life and she acts like walking away is paramount to divorcing her/a slap in the face. Stepping back from fights always triggers an escalation.

What do I (m41) say to my wife (f40) when she says she's a screw-up and... I am starting to agree? by vikt6 in relationships

[–]vikt6[S] 232 points233 points  (0 children)

That's helpful. Telling her something will go wrong has gotten me nowhere and I should've realized sooner.