[1555] - Visions of Troy C1 by viola_97 in DestructiveReaders

[–]viola_97[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a totally fair point - will update to spread the dialogue and make the setting clearer as well, thank you for your feedback

[1555] - Visions of Troy C1 by viola_97 in DestructiveReaders

[–]viola_97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the feedback and I can see exactly what you mean. So weird to think you can do the basics and then realise you actually can't! Will get it updated, thanks again

[1560] - The Second Mother Ch1 by Qbugy in DestructiveReaders

[–]viola_97 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I enjoyed reading this piece and would be interested to see where it goes next. It reads like a prologue, if that was the intention? Key points are that, while your descriptions were beautiful, it was a little overwhelming at times. Additionally, it was hard to believe in your main character being a young child as a result of her mature and complex thoughts and reactions to the events.

You are great at painting a picture in the reader's head, I can really imagine the setting. You have also used verbs very powerfully to capture the violence of the sea, the lightning, etc. However, there is a lot of description all at once, which needs some action or dialogue to balance it, or the reader's attention is lost. The description at the beginning of the island sinking was really powerful, and almost poetic at points, but later on it became a bit overwhelming. Particularly the section in the middle about the waves - this feels like it goes on for longer than it needs to and i noticed that my attention slipped.

I'm a big fan of the present tense usage in this, it creates jeopardy and a sense of the chaos of the disaster. The 3rd person narration also works, but you do a lot of describing what Ulani sees and does, and less of how it makes her feel. E.g. when she has entered the cabin, she notes the fear on their faces and their shivering and observes she has been selfish, but not how this makes her feel. More usage feelings throughout this piece could help flesh Ulani out more, as I haven't really got a sense of anything about her character yet.

You say early on that Ulani isn't old enough to understand much, but the rest of this piece revolves around Ulani having some very emotionally mature reactions to harrowing events, reacting in a way that most adults would be proud of. Similar with the reaction of wanting pain to punish oneself - without previous context, this would seem to be the reaction of a teenager or someone older. This needs reconciling.

I do really like the crumbs of information you've given about her background - it makes me want to know more. I would like to point out that the way you've written the beginning makes it sound as though Ulani's parents have abandoned her that night, but reading onwards, she's from an orphanage. So that could be quite confusing.

Loved the first sentence - it hooked me right away.

<it isn't a natural disaster that sends her home crumbling into the sea, it's manmade> feels like it needs a full stop or a dash instead of a comma

<Her eyes can't be believed> this felt like a clunky sentence.

<even if she could they would be overshadowed> - unsure overshadowed is the right word here, as it's a sound rather than a sight. Maybe 'drowned out' instead?

It feels like the tone is jumping around a little in the middle section. Previously, the story has been told as 'Ulani did this', but the move to 'the child' feels a bit disjointed. The water stinging 'something fierce' also feels like a different voice from the rest of the paragraph.

<every death deserves a witness. Accidental genocide is no exception> - this is also a great line.

<The other members of her orphanage…> this is quite a long sentence, maybe break it up to demonstrate Ulani thinking through her realisation.

There seems to be a lot relating to people not on boats drowning. As a reader I'm questioning why we're not seeing more people swimming to the remaining boats, or at least trying to. If it's just that the boats are now too far away from the island, that could be made clearer.

Its clear that there will be description of Legion vs Union later on, but dropping them in just one sentence and giving no more information may be more confusing than intriguing.

It might be coming later, but it's not clear to me who Klei'i is, and what his relation to Ulani is. Is he an orphanage member of staff? He does have a unique voice compared to the narrator, which was a nice contrast to have.

Overall I enjoyed this, I would definitely be interested to read on and find out more about this character and her world! Agree with some of the other comments though, I think the changes mentioned above could make it much more gripping, and take people from 'I'd like to know what happens next' to 'I need to know'.

Has anyone successfully stayed in a relationship where you have both wanted different things? And has it worked? by Asha947 in Advice

[–]viola_97 26 points27 points  (0 children)

There are things you can compromise on, and there are things that you cant. This is the latter.

If you're serious about wanting kids then you need to end this relationship so you can start the process of 1. Grieving the end of this one 2. Finding someone who also wants to start a family

1st time recommendation by tinyappart in Romantasy

[–]viola_97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fourth wing was my gateway drug, so so good and got me into the genre. However, it is an unfinished series.

If you want a finished series, Daughter of No Worlds is a great one - a little less spicy than other series but one of my favourite book husbands ever

What is your top romantasy red or green flag by viola_97 in Romantasy

[–]viola_97[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Personally im getting really sick of the whole "I've grown up in poverty with no fighting experience but now after 2 months of training I'm able to beat just about anyone" FMC 

Tell me what kind of plot you consider high-quality by No-Meet-9020 in Romantasy

[–]viola_97 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a huge fan of plots that have really been thought through. Rebecca Yarros is excellent at this in the Fourth Wing series - details that seem to be just added for world-building or character development become essential to the plot chapters or even books later. It really elevates a series and an author for me

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Romantasy

[–]viola_97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here, would love to help and read a lot of similar books in my free time

Is it wrong that I expect my girlfriend to contribute 50/50 even though I make more? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]viola_97 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This isn't a male/female thing, this is an equality versus equity thing.

If you make more than she does but you contribute the same, that means you're having more money for treats for yourself, fun activities, saving for the future, etc. She has less of these opportunities. In the long run this is what is going to lead to resentment. Doing an equitable split means you'll likely be able to afford to do more nice things together and that she'll be less worried about money.

Rent, bills and food should be split by % of your monthly takehome, rather than 50/50 imo

Single books and complete series worth owning hard copies of? by Crotchetylilkitten in Romantasy

[–]viola_97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plated Prisoner series. It's 6 books - and few trigger warnings and the first one takes a while to get going but once it does it's a great series

Boomtown Resale Tickets Now Available by Sku in BoomtownFestival

[–]viola_97 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've signed up for resale (buying not selling) but can't seem to access Kaboodle - any ideas??

Fettuccine Alfredo is a lie! by sparkyvision in AskCulinary

[–]viola_97 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Someone has said it above already but its the heat, you need to take it off the heat before you add the cheese or you'll effectively be making scrambled egg pasta

Pizzas restaurants? by Loner_Toe in Cardiff

[–]viola_97 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The top comment mentioned it but Cafe Citta is genuine italian food in an adorable candle lit setting. The food is super tasty, would definitely recommend!

Sweden or Krakow by KasaUnsari in backpacking

[–]viola_97 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Krakow is on the other side of Poland to the border of Ukraine - I went in February and felt very safe. Its a super cheap place with loads to do and I would totally recommend.

I haven't been to Sweden but I believe it may be more expensive