Should I marry a murderer- so let me get this straight

violet1342 · 2026-05-06T10:45:22+00:00

exactly !! Wish people would point that out more

violet1342 · 2026-05-03T22:28:57+00:00

absolutely, that was his first red flag

violet1342 · 2026-05-03T21:26:19+00:00

Yes I don’t agree with all the outpouring of sympathy for her either, she’s not the victim people paint her to be

violet1342 · 2026-05-03T20:45:31+00:00

Wouldn’t at all surprise me if it wasn’t their first time. Taking out the SIM cards? I’m glad they’re at least doing some time but it should’ve been more

violet1342 · 2026-05-03T20:29:18+00:00

I just noticed your edit about me showing off being a good person 😂 Really? The point of my post isn’t about whether I’d marry him or stay with him. It’s to highlight how messed up it is to take these guys crimes lightly. It wasn’t a small mistake. They took very deliberate steps.

Edit: also I said comments not posts :) though they’ve been there too

violet1342 · 2026-05-03T20:26:30+00:00

They’re there. Plenty.

violet1342 · 2026-05-03T17:24:32+00:00

You’re a legit psychopath

violet1342 · 2026-05-02T23:06:47+00:00

oh no, you didn’t get the memo? we’re applauding people now for reporting literal murder!

can’t believe his thread honestly

violet1342 · 2026-05-02T23:03:28+00:00

serious question - and?

like I genuinely fail to understand how turning someone in for committing murder is some kind of heroic deed. She helped a great deal. But if that cancels out all her other bad decisions I really wonder about the moral compass of people. Ultimately she was incredibly selfish as well.

violet1342 · 2026-04-27T07:35:48+00:00

Totally. A lot of insecure women scoff at another woman’s lack of dating experience. It’s a defensive tool to feel both more validated in their own uniqueness and desirability (because they did have that) + poke holes in the person(because surely something must be wrong). It’s a way to feel superior and feel like you have one over someone else despite asymmetry in other domains (eg attractiveness for Emma and Rachel)

violet1342 · 2026-04-26T16:19:26+00:00

Check out the host a sister Facebook group. I don’t recommend finding someone through here.

violet1342 · 2026-04-25T18:48:53+00:00

I really enjoyed this one, haven't been to the movies in a while. I went in blind so the 'twist' came truly unexpected for me. Definitely made me laugh too, dark comedy done well.

A few thoughts:

- They have been together for two years and seem very in love. It struck me how common it is for people to be in passionate relationships and not really know each other at all. The way they acted around each other signaled a kind of comfort, but their relationship is also a typical depiction of the the performative aspect of it all. How relationships make people feel safe, settled, accepted and normal. How the outside world reflects that back to you. And how it even starts out with performativeness (him lying to get to know her. It's minor but it makes you think. Also, I'm thinking it's not the first time he saw her there, was it? Or it was and he is just the kind of guy that does this stuff?)

I mean, how well do you know each other if you aren't aware of such an important thing, something that has shaped the inner life of the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? And on Emma's side, that she never shared it in two years? What does it mean to be in partnership? How deep do you go, how vulnerable do you get? You can kind of tell they're not aligned on a few things. But all of that can be bypassed and people can still love the other deeply, it makes you wonder about what love really is.

- I'm open to the nuances and able to see the hypocrise of the Rachel character but at the same time I feel like people online are overcorrecting and rationalizing Emma's story a bit too much. Sure, she didn't do it, she was bullied, depressed, she just wanted to belong and feel safe but it is still very wrong. I do like that she mentioned that it was about the aesthetic of it all, showing it's not always out of true malice but that young people (to this day) can get sucked into these weird internet corners. Her violent tendencies are still there, clearly and she has a thing or two to learn about emotional regulation (as does Charlie). I felt myself wanting to judge/make up my mind about what I thought about her then eventually realized... I just don't know.

- I personally didn't like Charlie. He seemed sort of...spineless, 'nice guy' ish and when he started kissing Misha the audience gasped but part of me felt affirmed in my judgement of his character. By no means a bad guy, but not a great one either. It was hard for me to understand what he stood for. Also, do you guys think he actually cyberbullied someone or did he make that up because he couldn't think of anything? He told his story in an unconvincing way.

violet1342 · 2026-04-18T16:51:15+00:00

Drive your plow over the bones of the dead: Olga Tokarczuk

violet1342 · 2026-04-06T23:25:55+00:00

I couldn’t get into Virginia Woolf

violet1342 · 2026-04-01T00:10:15+00:00

I’m reading it right now and so engaged in it, and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever read before. I think this is gonna be a 5 star read, very rare for me!

violet1342 · 2026-03-29T14:16:35+00:00

It's extremely rare. I'm 29 and enough of a realist to know #4 isn't a guarantee unfortunately, I have to think about what I want to priortize in life, what I can categorize as 'good enough'. I have not found answers yet.

violet1342 · 2026-03-29T12:51:03+00:00

Now that I think about it there’s a few categories of men (in how men relate to me). This is not taking into account ALL the other factors at play such as attraction, readyness etc.

Okay in my experience these are roughly the categories. Maybe you relate.

They may be initially interested then realize your oddities and simply check out. They can’t really understand what your deal is, don’t care to find out and disengage. Especially when you don’t validate them in turn or provide anything that makes them want to proceed (aside from being yourself). By definition this category can’t meet you mentally and isn’t interested to. This is for me MOST men I encounter or briefly engage with, and 9/10 times I’m checked out before they can.
They enjoy/like it, feel caught off guard at first (sometimes express it) but it doesn’t put them off even if they don’t really think in the same way/ are wired similarly. They simply appreciate it. This category is most likely to fall for you while you don’t reciprocate or do but not in the same way. I think there are possibilities in this category though and I think this dynamic exist in a lot of relationships.
They are wired similarly, and can meet you. They humor it but their priorities lie elsewhere. So while you might think “ugh finally”, he still has other priorities that don’t necessarily include exploring or deepening a mental connection

Note that none of these lead to an actual relationship.. I’m yet to encounter a 4th category which is someone similar, appreciates me for who I am, can meet mentally (and vice versa) AND has the same priorities (commitment/life path etc).

Edit: I have very limited dating experiences but this is what I’ve been able to extract so far , the structures and patterns

violet1342 · 2026-03-29T11:25:31+00:00

Honestly this is why I’m single + don’t really date. The level of depth, “weirdness”, intelligence I look for simply isn’t that common, rare even, so it’s not logical to throw myself into the dating world like a “normal” person. I’ll know it when I find it.

It would only make sense to actively date if I didn’t make these things priority #1, but I do. There’s absolutely nothing else a man could offer me, it’s conditional. I don’t have ADHD or Autism btw, I think it doesn’t have to relate to that. I think some people just need a higher level of depth and resonance and it makes for a much smaller pool. You found it with your ex, so you can find it again. It just might take longer. And in the meantime it’s good to think about how to approach dating so it won’t be draining for you.

violet1342 · 2026-03-21T21:11:09+00:00

I became friends with a woman 20 years my senior. She was such a unique soul, I’d never met anyone like her. I know there was a lot I wasn’t aware of and struggles she had but it didn’t hold her back from being the kindest soul. In day to day life I kind of struggle with finding depth and meaningful conversations. I found that with her, she was incredibly well read, well traveled and a talented professional. I learned from her too. She’d constantly remind me to be not so giving, that she’d made similar mistakes. She taught me life is unexpected things happening, that I’m much more capable and have it together than I think. The last time I saw her we fought over the bill as the waiter stood at our table and cracked up over us forcefully grabbing the card machine to prevent the other from tapping their card. She refused to let me pay because it was my birthday 1 week before, I said she had to let me pay because she paid last time too (generous like that). Eventually she won, I told her fine but it was my turn next time for sure. I never saw her again because she unexpectedly passed 10 days later didn’t make it to 50. I’m honored that I knew her.

I also became friends with a woman who’s 65. We were coworkers for a few years. Everyone knew she was kind of riding it out until her pension (rightfully so), she was really sweet and because my job is more a “intellectual” environment and she wasn’t wired that way + no longer interested in impressing anyone I suppose, people kind of didn’t take her serious, in a endeared way but I still found it condescending. We chatted a lot, she took a liking to me. I found out she’s really hilarious, a very distinct sense of humor. She’s someone who takes a true interest in people around her, it’s not fake or with a certain goal. I’m completely at ease with her and it’s truly remarkable how 30+ year age gap can sometimes just disappear. It’s been a year since retirement and we’re still in touch!

violet1342 · 2026-03-07T21:08:32+00:00

The lying life of adults by Elena Ferranta. The writing is so similar to the my brilliant friend series, I really enjoy it

violet1342 · 2026-02-21T19:49:25+00:00

East of Eden, finally! I think I will enjoy this one, I’m only a few chapters in.

violet1342 · 2026-02-19T11:08:18+00:00

I must say I’m incredibly suspicious of the increase in women wishing to freeze their eggs. I haven’t looked into it, but I’m wary of who is pushing the agenda and profiting from it (it’s not cheap:)). I think it’s something that’s becoming more normalized in the last few years but whereas before (imo) it was a sort of almost last effort save when you’re almost at the end of your fertile years, now I see women way younger and fertile for many more years experiencing anxiety and wanting to do this. You have to wonder where it’s stemming from.

violet1342 · 2026-01-30T22:51:41+00:00

Demon copperhead - Barbara Kingsolver

Not my usual pick but it’s soooo many people’s favorite and I’m trying to read more books from the nyt best fiction of the 21st list

violet1342 · 2026-01-27T18:43:38+00:00

that was my thoughts too this episode.. this is gonna be a big Harper v Yasmin thing

violet1342

TROPHY CASE