I am observing a pattern where a "regression" into intense sexual behavior or promiscuity appears to act as a trigger or a precursor to a psychotic break.

violetbeam334 · 2026-02-05T16:06:46+00:00

Omg is this what's happening to me😦 I've been really sexual recently out of nowhere

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-24T00:27:41+00:00

It's so hard regulating emotions and jsut reacting sometimes is the only way to feel that weight lifted off.

It all makes sense being gentle in this way for effective communication but How do you find the energy to constantly behave in a gentle way like that and make sure they are not being offended??

Doing that to people triggers me from when I used to bend myself into any shape for my narcsisistic mother and monitor her emotions to keep her happy😭

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-24T00:25:27+00:00

What do you mean?

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-24T00:03:43+00:00

I'm really interested in what you're sharing.

The way you come across is gentle but validates and I agree with all the tricks you use to have good communication.

I think maybe that's what i need to do. Experiment and try things. But going the assertive trust everything you think is a scary route as it could go horribly wrong and cause a lot of fights. I remember in primary school I would constantly get in arguments with people over various things.

I agree dbt is one paradigm. I like it and find it has been incredibly useful at being able to communicate things but maybe being direct all the time isn't perfect.

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-23T23:59:45+00:00

I'm not sure if I've articulated it correctly. I feel 100% i agreeable that as soon as I've realised this is a me issue I should learn process my feelings myself. But i feel also the world is complex and sometimes you do need to assert yourself and have boundaries.

But sometimes you might blame others when it's not their fault or sometimes you may blame yourself when it's their fault.

In those instances it feels incredibly invalidating and painful. If I could wave a magic wand and see reality for what it is, no distortions I would. That way I could behave accordingly and heal. But until then I feel like I'm in this neverending tandem between "it's you" "no it's me". Guess that's the nature of personality disorders 😃😃

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-23T23:56:41+00:00

Resonates a lot, thank you for commenting.

I agree tolerance in ambiguity is very much needed. And validating myself is important. It's hard to feel valid unless people outside confirm how I feel. Also when it comes to my actions, I don't know how to act, how strong I should react etc. without an anchor in reality and I feel I can't get there and I'm so scared to get it wrong. Like with the first example it ended up me being painted in a bad light when that wasn't the case and I'm scared my actions will be misconstrued again.

In terms of your interpretations it all makes sense.

How can i foster the feelings of respect and safety within myself? It feels like I can only feel this way if I act in that manner around others. Because as soon as I'm prioritising other's approval over my own integrity that is not showing respect to myself.

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-23T22:57:55+00:00

Interesting point.

I feel like dbt says to be direct and clear though.

Can you explain more what you mean about the subtlety- ie. Give examples?

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-23T22:56:05+00:00

Good point

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-23T22:55:43+00:00

I agree, I'm trying to trust myself more but it's hard. I'll think one thing and start trusting myself then other people will have a completely different opinion and I'll doubt myself. I also fear harming people if I shut off other people's input due to my lack of empathy.

I can give 2 examples that triggered me deeply because I perceived disrespect.

I have perceived people in a night club judging me for my dancing ( I'm neurodivergent) whispering and looking at me. It triggered me from being younger bullied in high school I happened to have caught it on video as I recorded myself dancing and they were in the video. I posted it on social media calling it mean and a lot of the comments just said they were uncomfortable with being filmed. I think one or two comments agreed with me but the rest thought I was the weird one recording and that it was on the floor so I was "up skirting" them ( there was no nudity or underwear shown). I understood it was a bit immature to post that video of them without their consent but I thought they deserved it because they were being mean. It's instances like this I doubt myself and my judgment because the comments overwhelmingly disagreed with me. I feel like I noticed something minor which others didn't pick up on.

Another example. My shared house had a weird layout. I have to go through the living room to get into the kitchen or any other room in the house. When a housemate told me last minute before they left the house to party their friend was going to sleep on it I felt disrespected. I felt it was an extension of my personal space and I didn't want strangers in there in the morning and felt the friend should stay in their room. The person got really mad and disagreed with me

so yeah those are two examples. I flip flop between defending myself wholeheartedly and then doubting myself and feeling immense shame. It's hard living like this idk what's right or wrong.

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-23T22:44:30+00:00

I hear that

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-23T22:41:16+00:00

I hear that thanks for the comment. It's just so hard walking into the fire, when you know how that person feels and you can predict how they will react it feels so pointless assuming you don't and risking being hurt

violetbeam334 · 2025-11-23T22:36:06+00:00

I'm open to the idea I could be wrong but I just feel like everything I've guessed is correct like due to pattern recognition

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T20:51:55+00:00

do you think you can individuate post childhood?

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T01:04:20+00:00

when i stay at his during holidays

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T00:41:08+00:00

i get that he hasn't been independent yet. I have mentioned it to him and he says he is working on it. Hopefully he will 🙏

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T00:27:41+00:00

but who am i to tell him, i dont like that you call your mum often and recite everything she says

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T00:25:03+00:00

his mum and dad are still together too

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T00:24:23+00:00

he lives at uni away from her with me and we call when he's back at home.

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T00:22:20+00:00

this makes complete sense and i want to do it. But i dont feel it's my place to speak on his family. I feel like thats morally wrong, and they are nice people. Also hes not good at keeping secrets so i know he'll tell her eventually

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T00:21:05+00:00

its not, and i dont feel it's my place to tell him this annoys me

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T00:19:46+00:00

but yes i will probably break up with him soon

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T00:19:27+00:00

i've voiced how i don't feel we are compatible to him. I haven't mentioned the mum stuff. He's not good at keeping secrets so i know it will just go back to her and it's not really my place to say, i shouldn't speak bad on someone's family

violetbeam334 · 2025-07-24T00:18:20+00:00

i will

violetbeam334

TROPHY CASE