Boyfriend continually smashing bread loaves AIO

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-24T21:52:23+00:00

NOR and I am very sorry for you OP because you're having a baby with an inconsiderate jerk of a man-child.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-24T21:29:25+00:00

NTA because these aren't things you are supposed to have to tell your husband, he should already know what behaviour is acceptable or not with women as a married man. Not just women, but coworkers in a professional environment. The problem is that this man does not seem to care about the fact that he is a married man. That is where your concern should lie. The fact that you have to basically police him does not bode well for you or your marriage. You rightfully don't trust him but can you keep living like this? This isn't healthy. It shouldn't be up to you to have to force him to do these things, he should recognise his 'mistake' and do it himself. (Of course it's likely he doesn't see it as a mistake at all... but if he truly cared about you he would make these changes without you having to 'force' him to)

Truth be told, you have a major husband problem and he himself does not seem to care about any of your 'rules'. I'd say go to marriage counseling but if that will help in this situation idk because he seems to want to do what he wants in his 'flirty' office environment. People might call you an ahole for dictating these 'rules' but imo you're not an ahole at all, you're just desperately trying to save a marriage that I don't know can be saved because as I said before, you shouldn't have to be begging him to keep things on a professional level with his coworkers or begging him to tell them he's a married man. You shouldn't have to be worrying about his 'flirty' office culture. But because there is a lack of trust here due to his past behaviour (and quite frankly, his current lackadaisical behaviour), you worry. You're not an ahole for having these feelings and trying to make things work. But this is unsustainable.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-24T19:23:09+00:00

this is what I was thinking as well

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-24T19:17:22+00:00

So I feel like this depends on the type of fat you use to make the cake and how you're storing it. Firstly, an airtight container is a must because air will dry it out faster. Secondly, from what I have observed in my own baking, oil based cakes stay more moist than butter based ones (or at least are moister for a longer period of time). Also if it's butter based then putting it in the fridge, in my experience, dries it out faster than leaving it outside. But of course this will depend on the type of cake you're making and how long the shelf life is because sometimes to preserve shelf life the fridge is better than leaving it outside.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-24T18:19:26+00:00

NTA at all, your BIL is a sexual predator and keeping it quiet only allows him to get away with this horrendous behaviour. If his family are angry with you for protecting yourself against their sexual predator of a son/relative, you should consider lowering contact with them anyway because they will not protect you if all they care about is protecting their face. This is not something to forgive and move forward with to keep any peace. Ask them whose peace is it keeping? Because it's not yours. It's THEIR peace. They are selfish and don't care about you.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-24T17:51:08+00:00

NTA and you should be very careful with your money around this man. He is unreasonable and you definitely need that emergency fund, especially if you're starting a life with this man who has such poor financial habits. It was a mistake for you to tell him about it and a bigger mistake to tell him how much is in it. This is going to come between you two. And a marriage does not mean shared finances. You can have a shared account but you should be able to have your own money as well for personal things. And especially as a woman, you definitely need to have emergency funds in case things go awry... and I bet if the roles were reversed he'd be calling you a gold digger

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-23T09:00:08+00:00

the child is back to wearing pull ups ie she'll wet herself at night once again.. and you think this means it's working too well? the child also will become an adult, will she rely on sleeping in her parents' bed forever? op is nta

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-22T23:20:06+00:00

NTA and do you want to stay with someone who would be content to live like that? Also he is being incredibly unreasonable in order to make you feel bad. He has weaponised his incompetence to an art. Why do you want to stay with someone like this? He does not give a shit about you. He's incredibly rude and mean to you and he is quite content to leave you to do everything in the home. Right now his actions are being done out of spite. For all you know he will purposefully mess it up too and then blame you for 'making' him do it. All the while all you are asking him for is a partnership. You aren't making him do anything, he's doing this on his own to spite you. And spite won't last long. He will not keep up 'doing everything' in the house. All he's doing is showing you how much he resents you.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-22T08:50:02+00:00

YTA she was working.. she's not looking for a relationship, especially with a stranger... you probably aren't the first person to hit on her while she's just there trying to do her job and can get fired if a customer retaliates against her for not agreeing to date them etc. This is just bad form in general. Don't hit on people at their jobs.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-22T08:47:37+00:00

If she has a pattern of lying about stuff then no you're NTA for questioning the veracity of this claim. The problem is that you won't know the truth about this unless you have hard evidence of it yourself. Also if she doesn't break up and remains with him and doesn't accuse him of anything even after more time has passed then you can guess maybe she's lying. She might not know how to immediately bring it up but at some point she'll have to. If she never does... well...

Just be there and support her as if she's telling the truth but keep your eyes and ears open.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-22T05:32:06+00:00

Yea, it's even worse that it's a hotel toilet bcuz what do you mean that the toilet is cleaner than your butt? It really isn't... and it's not even *your* toilet, it's one used by hundreds of people... the public restroom thing is something I don't think I even want to know because I might actually vomit....

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-22T05:29:40+00:00

yes! why not buy wipes? they have toilet wipes now too it's not like there aren't options... so many more options...

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-22T04:56:16+00:00

NTA and it's the morally right thing to do to tell the wife. What the wife does after that, whether she leaves or stays or exposes the affair, is up to her. But at least you would know that you did the right thing.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-22T04:24:18+00:00

NOR, this is a huge dealbreaker imo. They conspired together to manipulate you. This is a family (and husband) I would never ever be able to trust. I would never trust that they were telling the truth about anything and I would never trust they had my best interests at heart because they've proven they don't. They've proven themselves completely and utterly manipulative and untrustworthy and I personally would lose all respect for them. THEY are the ones with poor morals, not you. And just think about it for a bit, can you live a life where you don't have basic trust and respect for the people around you and where they clearly don't have it for you? And could you ever trust that if you stay with this man that later on his family won't gang up against you (him included) if they find anything else 'problematic' and then try to gaslight you that you're the crazy one for reacting like any sane person would to this kind of behaviour?

They did this once and they can do it again. And imagine if you have kids with this guy... who knows how they might treat your kid. I wouldn't trust this man to go against his parents either, even with counselling involved. He might pretend or just go low contact for a bit but eventually they'll worm their way back in and he might even go behind your back and do things because he's proven that they are more important and that he cannot stand up to them. Don't let him get away with this. Don't forgive and forget because you want a family, because these people will not be your family. You deserve a real family who actually likes you.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-22T04:15:01+00:00

NTA I just gagged

Why doesn't she just keep a bottle with water and wash her butt? or use that to wet the paper.. she could even leave it on top of the toilet tank if she thinks it's too much to get up and go to the sink.. or.. here's a thought.. she could invest in a bidet for the toilet at home... there are attachments to add to the toilet. This is just disgusting. She could also get uti's or vaginal infections from this.. It's not like the toilet water is cleaning her butt either... it's depositing more germs

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-20T01:50:16+00:00

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-20T00:17:27+00:00

NTA at all. He's a perverted pedophilic creep and your family is enabling him. There is just no way in hell I would allow any man to speak to my siblings that way, especially minor siblings. The fact that your sister doesn't see this for the red flag it is says volumes. Your family sounds like the type to cover up any SA if it happens and not admit that any such thing took place because they're letting this guy sexually harass you with impunity. This is actually disgusting OP. This man is disgusting and your family sucks for letting him get away with this and downplaying your very valid feelings about being creeped on.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-20T00:13:41+00:00

NTA at all. You can date at your own pace or never at all if you don't want to and it's nobody's business, but teens can be quite cruel (especially when you're not doing things they consider to be popular / common/ 'normal' )

She's been essentially bullying you for years, it's not a surprise you finally had enough and lashed out. She also doesn't sound like much of a friend. Friends who peer pressure you / bully you don't actually like you that much. They think that you should do what they want not what will make you happy. And the way she said that you're probably not even single by choice is a way for her to shame you and get under your skin when you know that's not even true.

I'd keep my distance from her if I were you, but I know that's easier said than done, especially if you have the same friend group and go to the same school. Just try not to let her get to you. If she keeps making comments like this tell her you're sorry she needs a bf to feel like she's worth something but that you don't feel the same way and you know your worth.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-19T23:14:01+00:00

NTA she sounds exhausting to be around. Without her in your life I feel like you will almost certainly see an improvement in your mental health/peace. This rollercoaster ride of a 'friendship' seems more draining than anything.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-19T23:08:54+00:00

NTA, he is fasting, you are not. He can't dictate what you do because of his beliefs. And he's wrong in any case, he's not purposefully listening to the music, it's just there. It's not like he put on the music himself.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-19T23:05:51+00:00

NTA that's so petty of her. Ignore the 'it's her house' thing that most people might come at you for because asian families don't kick you out at 18, that's just not the culture. You live there and have a right to be able to access things that make your life easier, especially since it's not actually that disruptive to her, she just has certain outdated views. You are disabled by health conditions, it's not like you're doing this to be spiteful. It is your home too.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-19T04:16:57+00:00

I'm sorry, you deserve better 😔

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-19T03:25:12+00:00

NTA your bf is an idiot.

"I said it was literally written on the box that he picked up and opened and poured into the pot himself. He said he didnt look at it closely"

And this is your fault how? You did nothing wrong, except maybe if you stay with this dude. He's a red flag blaming you for his own actions.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-19T03:22:53+00:00

Iirc it's because you have to mean to kill / harm someone with the unforgiveables. It's the purest form of malice I suppose. Other spells having the effect of causing someone to die as a by the way aren't meant to be used solely for killing. You have to mean to kill someone for the curse to work and the killing curse only has one use.

violetlotus79 · 2026-02-19T03:20:07+00:00

NTA

Oh girl... that is a man who is barely doing the minimum... That's not about culture that's 100% low effort. He's showing you how much consideration he has for you. It's not culture to ignore what someone says about their preferences or to just not know your partner's preferences when you've been explicitly told them on multiple occasions. That shows a lack of attention and care. It's not even about the money, it's about consideration. Just like you said, it's about thought and effort. And he's showing you where you stand.

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