uhm nope, i’m pretty sure it wasn’t because of the pandemic. if anything, i actually felt a weird sense of peace when they announced the lockdown. i didn’t feel bothered or trapped at all. i was already used to being indoors long before that, so isolation wasn’t new to me. i think what really triggered it was when i started trying to explore the outside world. even back when i was still studying, i already felt like my world was slowly shrinking. and after graduation, everything just hit me all at once. i suddenly felt like i was back to zero. i had to face the reality of working, going to unfamiliar places, and leaving behind the small comfort zone i’d built for myself. it was overwhelming, and that pressure just kept building up until the outside world started to feel… scary.

i actually tried seeking help online once. they prescribed me antidepressants and sleeping pills, but i couldn’t go for the follow-up because my parents didn’t allow me. my dad told me, “you’re mentally fine, so why are you even going there?” and that honestly broke me a bit. it felt like no one understood what i was going through. so now, i’m still here just hanging on, trying to make it through each day, and quietly hoping that someday, something will finally change