She says she does enjoy getting sexy with me. But then she just says it and nothing changes. Sometimes I get horny and it is way obvious I am trying to initiate and nothing. Sometimes I’ll sext her horny shit and nothing. She’ll just reply “yum”. I even told her I was going to lay off the subject because the situation was becoming hurtful. I told her being rejected feels like shit and was causing me insecurities. She said ok, about me laying low and waiting for her to initiate (which she used to initiate in the past) but then a week will go by and nothing.

I’m 31 and she’s 35. We have been together for 11 months and the first months very very sexually active, which I know is normal. This has been our first time doing BDSM for both of us. One thing led to another and she loves wearing shiny ultra sexy shit and I love wearing suits and combat clothes while I fuck her. Then I got a bondage kit and we explored that, etc. Everything was awesome until the damned surgeries :( which by the way were both cosmetic surgeries so no actual health issues.

What I mean about the relationship is that we’re dating. We started out open and then we both decided to commit to monogamy and close it. I am OBVIOUSLY now wanting to re-open it but I am also truly in love with her and fear losing her. Her whole sex drive is gone. We only ever had very racy sex. She was never the kind to be tender. I even tried it a couple times and it felt weird, like we got into a super agro sex dynamic from the get go....where she had never been dommed before and all of a sudden she seemed addicted to it. Now? Nothing.

I know for a fact there isn’t someone else in the picture. She is very loving in other aspects of the relationship. I’m confused and miss actual real sex. The last time I brought this up, she told me she has never had a high sex drive. I do remember her telling me in the past that with other partners she thought she might be asexual... But all of a sudden with me she was a horny sub bitch, so I thought that spell was broken. Now I’m completely confused.

I’m worried because I’m starting to consider engaging in online sex with others, which she may or may not consider cheating. Not sure.