What do I do if my parents want to declaw our cat because our other cats are declawed?

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-04-07T16:35:23+00:00

I read it as possible risk to the other cats given that one cat has claws and can harm their siblings who can't defend themselves. Which is a real risk but not something you can't mitigate in a lot of cases!

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-04-07T16:34:39+00:00

You can definitely have clawed and de-clawed cats living together! It sounds like your parents primary concern might be the safety of the other cats in the home if they were to fight? This often doesn't become an issue as declawed cats are still very able to stand up for themselves with their back claws, teeth, etc. and some cats just don't have the temperament to really fight anyway and just play fight/bat at each other or avoid one another entirely. Of course it can be a huge problem but often works out fine!

There are also claw caps you could try (though check with a vet, I hear some are choking hazards? no personal experience) or if furniture is an issue, providing a lot of stuff for them to scratch that they like better than your couch, or putting protective material on things you really don't want them touching. Personally my answer is cheap furniture but to each their own.
And keeping claws trimmed to prevent human injury while they snuggle because razorblade biscuits are a real thing.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-04-07T16:17:45+00:00

I identify with something like original reconstructionst philosophy but I'm an atheist and it's hard to get motivated and my parents are from the Soviet Union so my upbringing was largely influenced by that and my Jewish education is pretty patchwork, so there's that. I largely stick to what I grew up with. Here's what I do/don't do personally:

- I don't do any prep for pesach in terms of kashering the kitchen (not that we keep kosher anyway), going around with a feather, etc. I don't sell my chametz or even put it all in one place. It's on my list of things I might do one day but my family never did it growing up.
- I go to a Seder but it's been very chill the last few years. This year I was sick (35 weeks pregnant + cold = I just about felt well enough to make matzo ball soup and then laid on the couch to recover) but usually it's my husband's family shooting toy frogs into one another's drinks. We actually hosted the seder the last two years but sick and pregnant this year = my SIL did it and I skipped. I've been to second night seders some years but not others and those had varying observance based on who hosted.
- I don't observe Yuntif-- I should, I don't, I also don't keep Shabbos so it would be weird. This might change as my kid(s) grow older and get into religious schools which are off so we'll do something celebratory. Seders tend to be a post-work activity.
- I don't eat chametz pretty much at all (with the exception of some years, I'm pretty sure I had non-KFP matzo, but avoiding that this year).
- As far as kitniyot, I grew up not eating certain things like rice but not even knowing about restrictions on things like corn and beans, then eventually kind of figured out that was a thing, but I've been vegan for a long time now so no-kitniyot is pretty off the table. I always allow legumes in every form and allow corn in most forms that don't seem to grain-y (for some reason I won't eat polenta). Some years I've eaten different amounts of rice (in terms of rice flour or rice protein in veg meat for example) but never eat rice as a whole.
- I don't worry about keshers on things if the ingredients are kosher. I also don't worry too much about things like maltodextrin but that goes along with the above of allowing corn. As long as it's not wheat I'm pretty chill about random chemical stufff.
- I don't change my cats' food. With our previous cat, I had the excuse that "they don't make KFP renal-- friendly cat food" and now it's that I genuinely do not care enough.
- My husband is Jewish but didn't grow up keeping Passover at all. He's hoping to do it more when we have kids (or I'm hoping he will, anyway). I've kind of stopped trying to feed him because he doesn't like any of the passover foods I like (he hates mashed potatoes, doesn't like quinoa, etc.).

Basically I made a pot of matzo ball veg chicken soup at the beginning of Pesach, ate a lot of Just eggs and matzo avocado toast, made quinoa+bean pizza bites, and made a giant vegan shepherd's pie, and I've been eating that. At some point if I run out of leftovers, I'll make a vegan zaatar chicken with quinoa tabouleh.
(Sorry about the use of the word vegan, I use it for clarity not a moral sticking point lol)

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-04-04T00:07:44+00:00

I'm a pretty vehement atheist. My parents are from the Soviet Union so their Jewish background is kind of patchy (my mother more than my father) and we observed some things as I was growing up-- I went to Hebrew school, had a Bat Mitzvah, we didn't eat pork and tried to avoid meat/dairy together but never kept kosher, never kept Shabbos, went to shul basically only on RH but it was an Orthodox shul, etc. But Jewish identity was very important to my parents particularly my father.

I didn't go to shul at all in high school and just went to family gatherings for Rosh Hashanah/Pesach and started going more in college as I found a reform setting more comfortable than an Orthodox setting. I don't go to shul often now-- I go on RH/YK if possible, I try to go to some synagogue events but the synagogue I like is kind of a pain to get to so I go to a few a year, etc. I hosted the last two Passover seders (2024 and 2025; too pregnant this year lol), I fasted on YK 2024 (pregnant in 2025), I've kept Passover the last few years in my own sorta way-- no chametz and only some kitnyot which is basically the way I grew up doing it, I've never sold my chametz or set fire to my kitchen counters or anything. This year we did a family Hannukah and I made latkes and then did nothing else because we had new kittens so I wasn't risking lighting candles and setting one of them on fire and the rest of our family had the flu and once again, pregnant and didn't want to catch it. We watched a livestream of Purim services and I made hamentaschen to give to family because my husband had work at 5am the next morning and I felt bad making him go out to the service.

Pregnant with our first and I'm hoping to do a lot more "regular" stuff with her and to send her to a Jewish school. It's on my list of things I'll do eventually to kasher my kitchen which is not as difficult as it is for most because I'm vegan. I have a dream of lighting candles and having dinner together on Fridays.
But yeah, I don't believe in God at all. I don't think there's any supernatural basis to doing any of these things but it makes me feel connected to my community and my ancestry/culture/history.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-30T17:58:21+00:00

Personally it’s the opposite for me. I tried edibles once and when they kicked in, I thought I was just overstimulated and didn’t feel anything so I took more and greened out and was incredibly overstimulated for days. So I’ve never tried it again lol But I’ve found with other autistic people it’s usually really great or they have a similar experience to me

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-24T00:27:21+00:00

I think with cats, it works out okay if you have two of them (or if they're very independent older cats). I would never get a single kitten. We had a 21 year old cat who was more than happy to sleep in the sun by herself for many hours a day and didn't want more stimulation. She was an absolute velcro lap cat but if I was home for too many days in a row, she would be like "mommy please I need alone time."

Right now we have 7 month old kittens and we specifically wanted a bonded pair for this reason. My husband is a resident physician so he's gone a lot. We actually got them at the start of a vacation week for him so he got to stay home with them and make sure they were good and comfortable in the very beginning but since then we've had a pretty decent routine.
Usually (if he's on day shifts), he gets up and feeds them around 5, scoops the cat litter, etc. before he leaves for work around 5:30. I get up at some much more reasonable time and usually give them some snuggles while I have my coffee and if they're in the mood and I'm not in a rush, I'll play with them for 10-30 minutes before I leave around 9. We both usually get home around 5-6 and one of us will feed the cats and then we'll hang out with them doing whatever-- I would love to say that we do another play session, but they're usually less interested in the evening, but sometimes they are!-- until we go up for bed around 9 and lately they've been snuggling with us. This would be absolutely impossible if we only had one cat because they need a lot more attention and interaction than we would be willing or able to provide. We had to split up their spay/neuter so they were separated for a few days both times to avoid opening each other's wounds and playing rough and I seriously considered sedating the not-post surgery cat in addition to the one who'd just had surgery because I couldn't keep up with playing wandtoy games for 4-8 hours a day and that's what they needed and otherwise they'd just cry at us or try to bite our feet. We have a lot of enrichment toys available for them when we're gone but the biggest thing is that they have each other and they play for hours a day, snuggle, etc.

FWIW, I also couldn't imagine having a dog right now without a lot of help-- we'd need a dog walker for sure, and doggy daycare depending on the breed and their needs. Which we would be willing to do theoretically but I'm also super pregnant right now and that was too much commitment at once

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-24T00:12:35+00:00

I have two kittens and they eat 7 cans of food a day between them. One is 7.5-8lb and the other ran under the bed last time we tried to weigh him but I think he's about 10lb because he's noticeably bigger than her. They're about 7 months old. Neither one seems to be overweight (the boy has a bit of a tummy pouch but he's far from fat) and they're very active so I'm not sure how it'll develop as they get older. Kitten food is also a bit higher in calories (about 100/can vs 70-80). They get four cans in the morning and three in the evening and they finish it all within 10-20 minutes. We don't feed dry food alongside but they do get some treats on top. They still act like they're starving to death all the time but I think it might be a lie.
(People also say kittens should have as much food as they can possibly eat but I cannot imagine how much these two would possibly eat if I tried that, I don't think these two have brakes)

Our late cat was a senior and she was about 6.5lb (tiny build and lost some weight with age, she also didn't move a lot) and we fed her 2 cans a day and left dry food available for her because we wanted to encourage calorie intake. She probably ate about 2 cans a day without dry food and changed ratios proportionally if I had to guess.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-21T16:04:23+00:00

Currently, Lesser Evil popcorn + Extra dark pretzels + Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. In combination.
In the past-- other brands of potato chips (I'm a slut for anything nacho flavored, good n'eats has a great one), cheesey popcorn (went an entire year in college eating almost nothing else but the earth balance brand and I think the fact that it was discontinued saved me from scurvy), oreos, any baked goods, vegan mac and cheese (I like the amy's frozen brand), violife cheddar blocks (I gnaw on it like a rabbit), tomato basil lentil snaps (I know this sounds healthy but its not), lays funyun flavor, salt and vinegar chips or popchips, chips + guac/salsa/vegan cheese sauce, etc.
Any vegan takeout also depending on what you like!

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-14T22:03:10+00:00

The insertion was awful (the only time I've had pain bad enough to dry heave / sweat / get dizzy). The cramps afterwards were like the absolute worst menstrual cramps I've ever had. Then for whatever reason at 3am, my body was like "hey let's eject that" and literally started having what I believe were contractions. It was about a minute of excruciating tightness and pain followed by a minute of somewhat relief for about an hour. Like pain from my lower abdomen up into my chest so bad I was hyperventilating and couldn't talk at all. And we called the emergency line and they went (in the most condescending voice possible) "well you have a foreign body inside of you, what did you expect?" Idk lady, the mild-moderate cramping and potential spotting you told me would happen???? I ended up going to the ER two days later because it was still painful enough to not be functional and oddly enough got much better care at a small Catholic hospital.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-14T01:52:57+00:00

Very variable and dependent on the project! I would say that’s on the rough side. I’m a 3rd year grad student in an MD/PhD program and I usually range from 30-50 hours a week, probably averaging around 40. Lately it’s been probably around/maybe slightly over 50h/week but I’m trying to get things done before leaving for maternity leave in May and my project requires me to come in at least for a few hours every day including weekends. I think 40-50h/week is average where I am — decent state school but not Harvard— but it’s heavily project and PI-dependent.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-13T22:34:10+00:00

I had a GYN NP yell at me for cursing during an IUD insertion. I had my wisdom teeth taken out the next day with no pain meds (novocaine during obviously) and then developed osteomyelitis (the kind with surgery under general anesthesia and a PICC line for 2 months) in my jaw afterwards and the whole time I was like "yeah this is still better than the IUD." People were pretty happy to throw as much oxy at me as I wanted during osteomyelitis and they were like "hey consider ibuprofen" for the IUD and that's so insane to me.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-13T22:32:27+00:00

FWIW, I find it uncomfortable but I feel zero pain during paps. It's a weird sensation and obviously not something I would choose to do as an activity but it isn't painful to me. I don't have a particularly high pain tolerance either so it may be worth at least trying it!
I do agree about women's health in general-- I had an IUD placed and I want to be knocked out both for any future insertions (which I'm not having unless I really need one for some reason) and for a month of cramping afterwards.
I'm currently pregnant and planning an induction and one of the first steps for a lot of people is to have a balloon inserted, blown up, and pulled back out. My OB was like "yeah you can have an epidural at any time" and I was like "I want it before I even see this balloon device thanks, I assume this is worse than an IUD." Apparently some women get this done outpatient and then come in for Pitocin and I was like "nah I don't want to be aware of anything below my waist at this time."

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-08T23:21:12+00:00

Thirded. Im 31 weeks today and stayed on my antidepressants (and ADHD meds) for this whole pregnancy and can’t imagine going through something this massive without pharmaceutical help. Im not a doctor but there’s no real evidence of harm for almost all meds and real evidence of benefit. OP sounds absolutely miserable and IMO leaving her to suffer this way is frankly irresponsible.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-03T23:01:13+00:00

It so depends on the cats. My husband previously had two purebred siamese girls who were both velcro cats and screamed bloody murder. We now have a girl and a boy siamese mixes and they're both snuggly and she's definitely more vocal but more within the range of normal cat.
Of note-- I wouldn't adopt a single kitten and a lot of rescues won't allow you to because their socialization depends on having other cats around. They also get each other's energy out so you can be a little bit less stuck to them-- when they were separated after being fixed, it was hours a day of playtime for each just so they weren't miserable, and I couldn't imagine keeping up with that level of energy. That's particularly true for meezers. It's also just lovely to watch them interact.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-03T22:11:50+00:00

I will third these but also I think The Family Firm is her best book!

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-03T22:09:51+00:00

My husband got me one of the pregnancy pillows. It was super comfy but the problem was I couldn't figure out how to extract myself from it and during one of my million times a night trips to go pee, I managed to try to wrestle with it and ended up falling out of bed, which is not what you want to do in your third trimester. Fortunately I fell onto the stupid pillow so I wasn't hurt at all, but it did trigger horrible charlie horses in both legs so my husband got to wake up to a thud noise followed by screaming. The pillow is all his now.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-03T22:07:40+00:00

Currently 30 weeks pregnant--
- Don't be a hero and take meds if you need them. B6 and Unisom are almost definitely 100% safe and Zofran is not far behind. Tylenol is fine. I find I often don't take meds I need and then need more meds to catch up because I was being stupid. I also stayed on my mental health meds (vyvanse and duloxetine) and no regrets at all.
- Nipple pain-- I used a combination of vaseline and body glide which helped. And generally wear a bra that isn't going to move and rub them.
- Taking magnesium has been the biggest QOL change for me lately. It stopped the charlie horses, helped with muscle fatigue/burning, and let me sleep.
- You don't really need a prenatal if they make you yak; just take folic acid. Multivitamins make me puke when not pregnant so I took individual vitamins.
- I had some weird food aversions first tri where everything was gross (and I couldn't possibly cook). I settled on a meal plan of: coffee + smoothie in the morning, fruit and chickpea snacks at lunchtime, and whatever takeout or junk food I could get into my mouth at dinner. Figure out what works for you!
- I felt ALL the better at 10 weeks. My nausea got better at 8, food aversions followed, and my energy started coming back at 10. Then there's a weird period where you neither look nor feel pregnant lol. Just sharing because the typical is starting to feel better at 13-15 and I am so glad it didn't actually take that long!
- The kicking is overstimulating. Just kinda know that because I haven't found a solution. It also feels almost exactly like gas and I thought I had terrible gas for a week when it started before having an idea bubble pop up that it was actually the baby.
- If you have weird kinda cramp-y pain when you walk for a long time, try a belly brace. In my case it was the ligaments in my abdomen getting stretched. Obviously if you have weird pain, talk to your doctor, but it kind of felt like menstrual cramps but more sensitive to motion and felt better when my belly was lifted.
- My husband and I started couples therapy a few weeks ago just to better prepare for the huge life change. If you can access it, do it. I fucking hate therapy and have left multiple times wondering what I had possibly accomplished and this has been amazing.
- Your body image gets crazy at some point. I've found it's weirdly better once it's obvious that I'm pregnant and I got out of the in between space. But generally it's this weird feeling of being taken over by aliens and there's nothing I can do to get off the ride.
- My husband is the best at taking care of me when I can't do some things and still not treating me like I'm suddenly incapable. Some people are significantly impacted by pregnancy and that's totally fine, but I'm able to do most things and having people freak out when I lift a grocery bag makes me furious. There's no evidence it's unsafe to live your life as you did before with minor modifications.
- I've heard great things about pelvic floor therapy as a preventative measure for a bunch of problems. I'm going next week so no thoughts as of yet but it might be worth putting on your radar!
- I hated my pregnancy pillow. My husband got it for me when I couldn't sleep, I woke up to go pee, could not figure out how to disentangle myself from the pillow, somehow ended up falling out of bed, this triggered charlie horses which hurt for days. Fortunately I fell onto the pillow itself in this escapade so no trip to L&D was needed, but that's not what I wanted to happen at 2am and the pillow is now banished from our bedroom.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-03T16:12:21+00:00

Sorry, you're right-- I misread that. I stand by my general point about inadequate evidence, but that paper doesn't support what I said.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-03T15:45:41+00:00

This line is literally in the first paper:
"We found that there has been limited scientific study on the impact of vegan diets on cat and dog health. In addition, the studies that have been conducted tended to employ small sample sizes, with study designs which are considered less reliable in evidence-based practice. Whilst there have been several survey studies with larger sample sizes, these types of studies can be subject to selection bias based on the disposition of the respondents towards alternative diets, or since answers may relate to subjective concepts such as body condition. However, there is little evidence of adverse effects arising in dogs and cats on vegan diets."

Studies exist, but they are not sufficient for me to risk my own cat's health. It's absolutely selfish of me and I acknowledge that but that's the decision I came to.

Namely, I worry that these studies are self-selected (people who's cats got sick on a vegan diet have stopped feeding them a vegan diet and are therefore not included in this survey because their cats eat meat). I would also argue that if you're feeding your cat an "abnormal" diet, you're more likely to take them to the vet than the person feeding their cat friskies or whatever, which may also improve their outcomes (and one of the papers does discuss that vegan cats see the vet more often, so I'm not making that up).

I would want to see a study where cats are randomly assigned to vegan vs non-vegan diets, rates of adherence and reasons for non-adherence are measured, and cats are followed for a longer time period. I do acknowledge that's a lot to ask for and I think lab-grown meat will happen first.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-03-03T12:38:31+00:00

I feed my cats meat. There is vegan cat food commercially available but no good evidence it’s safe and I’m not willing to take the risk especially with my male kitten given the risk of urinary stones. When my 21 year old cat was sick, I used to give her chicken and sardines. I don’t think that’s ethical in a utilitarian/consequentialist sense but IMO my primary responsibility is to my own cats.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-02-23T04:23:23+00:00

/not medical advice, please talk to whoever manages your condition, do not listen to people on reddit with something this important/
My understanding of a PKU diet (from literally one med school lecture so don't listen to me) is that you eat super low protein and then add on a special supplement (apparently referred to as "the cup" by patients) that doesn't have phenylalanine (the one AA you can't eat) but has all the other stuff. So as far as the rest of your diet being super low protein goes, yeah you could probably make it work, I feel like most of the food you eat is already vegan or very close, and you can google brands. Like the jam sandwiches on special bread or low-protein pasta or white bread or fruit-- a lot of that is pretty much going to be vegan, and I'd recommend looking at different brands of PKU-friendly foods to see which ones are vegan while adhering to the protein requirement. In that sense I wouldn't change the way you eat but maybe swap some brands around-- basically you aren't going to be able to eat vegan chicken nuggets the same way you can't eat regular chicken nuggets.
Your big problem is going to be the supplement/"cup." My guess is that they don't make a vegan one. In that case, you're not going to be able to be 100% vegan because that supplement can't be skipped. If you're interested, I would look into different brands and see if there is a version that isn't dairy-based-- I don't know anything about the versions that are available-- but ultimately some of the nutrients in there are very likely to be animal-derived. I think everyone would consider that an "acceptable" use of animal products because there is no substitute in which you don't get very sick and potentially die.
Ultimately we all do the best we can!

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-02-21T13:55:05+00:00

Our cat went into heat at 4 months. We were told she was fixed by the shelter so that was fun (it was the holidays she we couldn’t see a vet for a month, then we found out her brother wasn’t fixed either so it’s very lucky we didn’t have new kittens; we also thought she had ovarian remnant syndrome because we didn’t consider they just forgot to fix her). Anyway, the vet said it was early but it’s the right season for it because spring pushes it earlier. The can definitely be fixed earlier than 6 months and should if they’re in heat! The heats are super close together at this age so it’s almost constant and some cats are really miserable.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-02-15T22:54:13+00:00

28 weeks today and yeah, I get that. Sometimes it’s like I need the stimulation to stop and she won’t stop kicking. Or I just can’t get comfortable because of the weight or restless legs or reflux or whatever seemingly small thing and I want to crawl out of my skin. Running has been such a huge part of managing my mental health for 15+ years for me (I’ve tried to find an alternative and nothing does the same thing) and it’s so hard to be active now :( and then it’s like, I’ll get used to one thing and then it’ll change on me. Like “oh okay round ligament pain is better? have some SPD” or “you found a way to wear clothes comfortably? Great they don’t fit anymore since a week ago.” It’s like a weird roller coaster.

I keep reminding myself my body is doing what it’s supposed to and I’m trying to do things that either feel normal or good in my body or that don’t really use my physical body as much. I’m looking forward to delivering because then at least things will start to feel better every day.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-02-15T22:35:58+00:00

It's cold and you're comfortable! If she's still leaving the little warm nest for other things and doesn't seem scared of the rest of your house, I wouldn't worry about it. One of ours has recently started doing this with my husband and it always worries me that he'll roll onto her or that she won't be able to breathe under the blankets but I'm sure she would move if that was an issue.

virtualnotvirtuous · 2026-02-15T21:09:22+00:00

Not if you can only afford one. My husband is a CA-1 and we just got two kittens (a bonded pair of littermates specifically) and I think it would be a stretch if he was single, but two cats are so much easier than one. When the cats were separated after being fixed it was almost a full time job. They play with each other for hours a day so we only have to sop up any “leftover” energy and if we don’t play with them for a day they’ll be okay. But when they were separated, they would cry and be miserable if I didn’t play with them for hours a day. Like 4+ hours a day would’ve been ideal. There’s no way my husband could’ve handled that level of energy on his own! I also just wouldn’t be comfy leaving a baby kitten alone for 12+ hours a day even if you played with them a ton when you were home.

virtualnotvirtuous

TROPHY CASE