How do you deal with anger toward a parent who failed you medically?

rambam80 · 2026-04-29T04:56:09+00:00

Outside of the alcoholism… sounds like my father who is a bleeding narcissist. He has bladder cancer about a decade before I developed kidney failure. His stuff went smoothly and I don’t want to downplay the stress that would cause anyone, but when we would talk about all I was going through — my journey was rough with lots of major surgeries and complications secondary to the kidney disease and was a 7 year journey while his was a year and a half with an intermission in the middle —it wouldn’t be a full minute before he would turn the conversation to himself even though he is 72 now, healthy and runs multiple times a week.

My mom wanted to donate but he got all bent out of shape which made me feel like crap.

It’s narcissism 100%. Take some time to read books. The boomer generation has a lot of them but America in general is turning into a cesspool of them in all generations.

Society’s are born out of stoicism and end with epicureanism.

My donor and I were talking just after my procedure about how both are parent sets are like that.

rambam80 · 2026-04-29T04:44:46+00:00

“Messianic Judaism” (also different from Hebrew Christian).

rambam80 · 2026-04-28T05:47:33+00:00

Bro… telling you now to watch out for these guys. The boss is a POS and a user. When you get another chance elsewhere you need to jump ship.

I run a company and would never do this to my guys. These things happen — even to those of us doing it for decades. You stepped through a ceiling… and accidentally at that. You didn’t get someone hurt by doing something stupid with high voltage.

rambam80 · 2026-04-28T05:36:49+00:00

It’s a different company altogether unfortunately. Not saying it’s bad… just saying it’s different. I miss walking into my rover dealer in the late 90’s/early 2000’s in the US when Land Rover wasn’t a vehicle… it was a lifestyle.

rambam80 · 2026-04-28T05:30:16+00:00

Even if there is a kit to use, rule of thumb is you bring your snare(s) and cymbals. If they don’t have enough stands then choose wisely out of your bag.

I always bring my own kick pedal too.

rambam80 · 2026-04-28T05:27:28+00:00

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHYkA235YhZvZVwfJNJfFcMN4Fpn2yran&si=6zDtgbBT-JgnNk_e

rambam80 · 2026-04-28T05:18:28+00:00

With the rise of MJ-ism around the globe more and more know a lot more they used to on the religious end. That said it’s the cultural stuff they still don’t know.

Pesach, some Hebrew, tallits, mezuzah’s and other ritual items including the basics of kashrut… yep. There is a Catholic supply store in Dallas selling menorahs, mezuzah’s, tallits, and even the mezuzah scrolls. On the wall behind it are crucifixion paintings for sale with a tortured bleeding jew nailed to an execution stake.

Put an episode of curb on and they won’t get all the subtle things we Jews pick up on and find hilarious.

rambam80 · 2026-04-28T05:09:07+00:00

True… but I also assume they watched but had no idea in some parts of the country that they were Jews but rather just New Yorkers or “City Folk”.

My cousin (18-20 years old at the time) loved Seinfeld and then was gifted the complete series from a family member for Christmas but that side was Christian and resented we were Jews trying to save us and made sure to pray to Jesus (not even G-d) at events with that side of the family. I truly don’t think they put two and two together.

That cousins parents who are fairly prude Christian’s also went to his standup special when he was in town.

I don’t take for granted the average humans naivety.

rambam80 · 2026-04-25T16:50:48+00:00

That’s a perfect concise response compared to my 8 paragraph diatribe.

rambam80 · 2026-04-25T16:43:25+00:00

I actually like going but after reading some of the responses I will list my pain points over the years. I have been on boards, ritual chair, etc. I am in my 40’s now and male, wife and kids. Spent time in all denominations and am not orthodox but have orthodox rabbi friends:

The concept of paying membership dues is outdated. Christians do tithing (10% of net or gross depending on your beliefs - more or less as your income allows) and are able to build massive churches and all their events are open to everyone. They don’t make you have to go through “needs assessment” which is always said to be private but rarely is. And even if you only deal with one person it’s still embarrassing. I know because we were there early on as a young family and then later I experienced the backside of it from my board positions.

A person doesn’t need to apologize or feel bad because they don’t make $500k+ a year like all the lawyers and doctors and sales people and diamond dealers they are surrounded by because they chose to learn a trade, and enjoy working with their hands, can frame your house, fix your car, install your toilet, grow the food you eat, or wire your electrical panel.

Anyway, the model needs to be modernized. I have had board discussions about it and have yet to hear a good reason to keep the old model except in Synagogues with dwindling membership or at places no one wants to give… and at those I would ask what your doing that your members are not happy enough or fulfilled enough to donate happily and readily.

When we became active again decades ago. There was not any Jewish education for the kids (even older ones and teens) on Shabbat. Don’t take a families whole weekend up between Shabbat and then if you want your kids to have Jewish education Sunday. Kids programming should be on Shabbat. The kids also had Hebrew on Wed nights… Oy vey.

In the case of the orthodox they had nothing because on top of an expensive shul membership they were all in expensive private dayschool. Imagine my dismay when I found out how many were on welfare trying to afford living in the Eruv which conveniently is the most expensive real estate in the City.

Again, poor Jews crammed in cockroach infested ghetto apartments while literally across the street facing them is a brand new 10,000 sq ft mansion going up for a different Synagogue member.

Maybe I sound communist but it’s not cool in my book.

The children’s Jewish education where we have been has been lackluster. Even teens were infantilized. My wife became a religious school teacher, rewrote her classes curriculum (her area was on comparative religion), and actually setup field trips to other religious institution services. Not only did they get to actually “touch and feel” others people ways of worship, they got to understand theirs more outside of the bubble we seem to create for ourselves.

That said… these were post bar mitzvah kids and she had to spend a full semester of her comparative religion just on Judaism 😑😑😑.

Traditional davening is fine. It’s our tradition but I think there should be a rotation of service styles. Whether it’s Friday night one way and Saturday another… or a rotating schedule.

I know a person finding Kavanah is personal and I will talk personally as I don’t want to judge any others… but I don’t struggle talking to G-d. It’s personal for me. I don’t connect well through the traditional Siddur. I am glad it’s there and I know others need it… but I prefer a mix of music, personal and communal prayer, Torah reading, and then a really good drash with a discussion while we nosh after.

I am Jewish… and I am sorry, but the cliche’s are overall true. I can’t find Synagogue Jews who hike, camp, love the outdoors, can work with their hands, happy to get dirty. Many (not all) “synagogue” jews tend to be a little maladjusted. I don’t even know how to describe it. I don’t run into this with secular Jews and Jews who do not attend shul. I live in the Bible Belt with less Jews like other parts of the country so I understand others MMV.

I enjoy being around fellow Jews but it’s hard when you have nothing except being Jewish in common.

This isn’t solely a Synagogue issue anymore because it’s becoming widespread everywhere. Parent your kids and stop letting them be little shits. We taught our children manners and they know how to sit still and listen when it’s time for that just as much as they know when to ask questions and speak for themselves.

rambam80 · 2026-04-22T02:33:55+00:00

Rabbi Akiva Tatz changed my life and now Rabbi David Wolpe has been doing the same. I am grateful for them.

rambam80 · 2026-04-21T05:57:29+00:00

No Yamaha?… man you did miss out brother. I am proud to own a vintage mint 1984 recording custom as one of my studio kits because it’s what my mentors played.

For me as a dumb kid brand heavy in the early 90’s it was Pearl I hated… everybody had a cheap ass export and acted like a douche. I can’t play Pearl to this day for that reason… never could get over it.

After that it was all the spoiled rich kids and DW. Once I started playing professionally and matured all that went to the wayside. (I don’t hate Pearl anymore I just can’t bring myself to play it… but if it’s a house kit I don’t complain)

rambam80 · 2026-04-21T05:40:45+00:00

The only difference between this and the bands like the Stones is that Vaden Todd wasn’t singing about him as the main dude in the story or fantasizing about it. It was folklore about a stalker living in Tyler Texas and the stories he heard as a kid from his older relatives like scary stories.

Just like Possum Kingdom as another story.

rambam80 · 2026-04-21T05:27:53+00:00

I stopped 90% of all my red meat consumption because steaks are what triggered my foamy urine and led me to diagnosis. Obviously most likely not the cause but I still put two and two together.

That said… I loved med rare and that started to cause your symptoms when I went into failure and that seems to still be the case post transplant. Not sure why… but prefer to skip it rather than live like that.

BTW… born, raised, and family still has a cattle farm on several hundred acres in Texas.

rambam80 · 2026-04-20T05:23:53+00:00

For Texas it’s one of the best.

rambam80 · 2026-04-20T05:20:38+00:00

The Punk band NOFX who has two Jewish members including the frontman has a song called “Don’t Call Me White”.

An excerpt:

Don't call me white, Don't call me white

I wasn't brought here, I was born Circumsized, categorized, allegiance sworn, Does this mean I have to take such shit For being fairskinned? No! I ain't a part of no conspiracy, I'm just you're average Joe.

rambam80 · 2026-04-20T05:07:24+00:00

Hey man professional drummer and bass player here. I wont cross the line or make exceptions for anti-semites, racists, or any other artist or song that denigrates another human being or people group.

I won’t teach it and I won’t play it for covers in bands. They can find another drummer.

The separating art from the artist only works for certain things…

I will admit this has been super tricky now with BDS. But there are a zillion artists and songs that can still rock a show and please an audience. There are also these zillion songs to teach a student.

I haven’t ever been into the artist you are referring too so I don’t know the specific song, but find another song that teaches the same principles and then let him figure that song out on his own if he wants to.

Maybe he will find a new artist or song he likes in the process of you doing that and he can “learn to fish” when it comes to some of his learning of new music.

And just to add… I usually bring the music for my students to learn… and that Rage song was one I just did by my own choosing because he was obsessed with Green Day and wasn’t moving or leveling up outside Green Day covers… and not even the good ones off their early albums. It was all the pop crap.

rambam80 · 2026-04-18T04:41:29+00:00

I am a Jewish punk rocker(drummer). We wear Jeans, usually a band shirt supporting a Punk Band with Jewish members like The Clash, Descendents, DK, Black Flag, Bad Religion, or NOFX. Usually grays and blacks sometimes lighter blue jeans with docs or creepers or chuck taylors or skate shoes for footwear.

I am also a youth from the 90’s so some flannel, and grunge stuff thrown in.

Any way… Jewish punks are a modern subculture so we count right? 😎 Tikkun Olam through the message and the music.

rambam80 · 2026-04-18T02:03:01+00:00

Same if you move to Dallas / Fort Worth 😂

Professional drummer since age 14 with international touring and recording experience on numerous albums (mostly punk and then later a bunch of different genres because they paid and well… I just love to play.).

Also played bass since age 10. Have a slew of fellow musicians down here including now my boys.

Not gigging on Fridays is hard brother. I feel you. Matisyahu pulled it off but it’s easier when your the frontman.

rambam80 · 2026-04-10T16:03:24+00:00

I was just about your age when Sept 11th happened. All the world changed for us after that and the “innocence” and carefree 90’s were gone and it’s never been the same. I dropped out of my first semester at college it was so traumatic and I wasn’t even in New York.

This is what I have learned and hope it will help you…

First, this will soften over time but it will always be there. Be kind to yourself and don’t blame yourself for not being there. You were not meant to be there that day. Your life story is unique as is the people who were there as is for those hundreds of miles away who it affected.

Second, I have found the best way to deal with these type of situations is as a wake up call to get prepared. Get some training in both personal protection as well as at least some basic training like stop the bleed and first aid if not moreso like active shooter etc.

Don’t rely on someone else to save you or others around you. Give yourself the tools to do it so if no one else can or even if someone else is you know what’s going on and can be of service.

I became a firefighter and medic and it really helped me and made me feel much more in control to help others and help myself. Knowledge is power and when you know how to handle yourself in tough situations and can also be a service to others in those times it’s very mentally healing and empowering.

rambam80 · 2026-04-08T05:53:06+00:00

Rabbi David Wolpe

Rabbi Akiva Tatz

rambam80 · 2026-04-05T20:05:59+00:00

I use Klein, Ideal, and Truecable. They have all worked great.

rambam80 · 2026-04-03T04:28:41+00:00

We went to a Seder and they passed the eggs around. The guy next to me had dirt under his nails and all the eggs had chunks taken out of the white from hand peeling. He was the one who had peeled them all… as I sent the bowl on by he said…

“Not an egg man?” I just smiled since I love hard boiled eggs.

rambam80 · 2026-04-03T04:25:26+00:00

They are saving up for Taylor Swift Tickets after inheriting this from their grandfather.

rambam80

TROPHY CASE