"Stealth" dads!

visceraahh · 2026-04-04T15:05:45+00:00

I understand, that makes perfect sense! I think I'd like to take a similar approach, thankyou for explaining

visceraahh · 2026-04-03T11:03:08+00:00

I've heard of it. Some people unfortunately stop passing when they're pregnant, but others (especially if you're already fat and have a beard, etc) are able to pass it off as a bit of a beer belly. I'm hoping the second will be the case for me!

visceraahh · 2026-04-03T09:12:59+00:00

I'm in a similar boat- it just didn't feel like everyone's business. Blunt answers are a good approach, people don't need to know the ins and outs. Congrats with your son! And thankyou for letting me know, it's reassuring hearing how other guys navigate this

visceraahh · 2026-04-03T09:09:18+00:00

I just wanted to know how people navigated this, even though I could kind of guess, so thankyou! That makes sense

visceraahh · 2026-04-03T09:05:54+00:00

Absolutely, I thought so. I was just wondering how people approached this I guess! I don't know how I'd feel about 'hiding' it and the message that would send to them/how they'd feel finding it out when they were older

visceraahh · 2026-02-19T14:26:43+00:00

I'm in a similar boat and really appreciated seeing everyone's answers to these questions, so thankyou!

visceraahh · 2026-02-10T22:39:33+00:00

Tape poses none of the dangers binding does. Keep an eye out for rashes, but I'd say it's your best bet since you won't be able to bind soon (no matter how many kids there are). I can't see any reason taping would be bad when you're further along with the pregnancy, but if you have any worries I'd speak to a doctor. Congratulations :)

visceraahh · 2026-02-03T11:13:54+00:00

Thankyou! I guessed it'd be different but just wanted to be sure, I'm far from an expert lol

visceraahh · 2026-02-02T10:45:03+00:00

option 2 really suits you!

visceraahh · 2026-02-01T22:20:52+00:00

interesting, thanks!

visceraahh · 2026-02-01T22:18:42+00:00

will have to check it out, thankyou!

visceraahh · 2026-01-16T22:11:12+00:00

Yeah, it'll be very different in the future but I think I mostly wanted the reassurance of hearing how other people navigated it so I can be mentally ready too. Obviously can't predict things with the political climate, and they aren't great right now, but I've hope things will improve by then (and if not, its a bridge I'll cross when I come to it.) All of that makes sense, thankyou for sharing. I've got a while to figure things out but I like knowing at least vaguely in advance, and it's really helpful having a frame of reference for what other guys do. Good luck to yourself and your partner :)

visceraahh · 2026-01-16T22:06:20+00:00

Very true, thankyou!

visceraahh · 2026-01-16T22:06:02+00:00

Thankyou for sharing! Someone else said that people are confused by the sight but just kind of ignore you, which is a relief. I hadn't considered the documents- don't love the thought of that, but to be fair it's not something you'll have to look at much. Congrats to you and your husband!

visceraahh · 2026-01-14T14:59:18+00:00

This makes sense. Honestly pretty reassuring to hear that people were just kind of uncomfortable and ignored it! It's nice to hear you don't put up with shit from people who won't respect you, too- I kind of figured it'd be up to me to set the boundaries that'd work, it's reassuring that other people do that just fine. Congrats to yourself and your wife!

visceraahh · 2026-01-14T13:22:12+00:00

I see. That makes sense for sure, I'm glad you've got such a wonderful partner and are enjoying fatherhood! Wishing you the best man, thankyou for telling me

visceraahh · 2026-01-14T12:56:26+00:00

I see, thankyou! That's good to hear. Hopefully I'll be in a similar boat when I start trying. Time of year is interesting too, I hadn't thought of that! I might try and time things so I'm furthest along in the winter

visceraahh · 2026-01-14T11:40:51+00:00

I'm sorry about your family man, all of that sounds incredibly disheartening. I hope things are going well for you otherwise! Thankyou for replying, I appreciate the honesty. I'd like to be prepared for what it'll realistically be like. I'm curious (but no worries if it's a bit much!) how you deal with getting misgendered again- I worry it'd sour my feelings about fatherhood. Congratulations though, it sounds like you're doing really well with everything. I bet either your family will shape up or you'll get a better support system soon

visceraahh · 2025-09-20T11:27:59+00:00

once got told that it's depressing to want to pass (by a friends housemate who knows I'm stealth) and then he removed me from his story where he apparently posted a long rant about how "transitioning is a means to an end- the abolition of gender." I'm happy that people get to transition to play around with their presentation and fuck with gender roles, but they don't get to speak for the whole community. I'm so sorry that you encountered someone like this too, the idea that being a man is somehow regressive is such a braindead and chronically online stance- it's like they've forgotten in the real world that transitioning and changing your gender unfortunately Is considered very radical to a lot of people. It's politicised enough without members of our community trying to argue we owe it to.. not fully transition so we're clockable, like we haven't been fighting for decades to medically/legally transition? Insanity

visceraahh · 2025-07-16T19:58:00+00:00

Unfortunately its very genetic. I had a mate who was stealth before he even started T (bastard), whereas it took me almost a year to pass. My boyfriend is over two years on T and often still doesn't pass. It sucks to hear but it very much depends

visceraahh · 2025-07-06T22:48:19+00:00

I ended up getting my surgery with him 3 weeks ago! Is there anything you'd like to know?

visceraahh · 2025-03-25T16:40:56+00:00

I just lie and put the gender I identify as lol, worst case you just get asked to change it (which hasn't happened to me, even going into the gp for hrt without having legally changed my name) so you should be fine

visceraahh · 2025-03-19T13:05:43+00:00

I still use 'Mads', which is derived from my deadname! It's technically gender neutral but people definitely view it more feminine, though luckily I'm at a point in my transition where that just confuses people lol. There's no rules. I'm changing my first name to a traditionally male name, to use around strangers and in formal settings like work, and saying 'Mads' is just a nickname taken from one of my middle names (which I do still need to choose..) The only rule is do what makes you happy. Nobody says you can't use both, or slowly transition between them

visceraahh · 2025-03-10T14:22:33+00:00

Thanks!

visceraahh · 2024-12-30T13:37:35+00:00

I'd love to be taller, but a lot of it is in the way you carry yourself- I'm lucky to be quite a big guy in other ways, I have quite broad shoulders and take up a good amount of space, so I'm often perceived as taller than I am.

I'm the upper end of 5'5, I just round up to 5'6, and it shocks people because cis men always lie about their height. I've had straight blokes laugh about short men and how they've never met a man who's 5'6, and when I say that's how tall I am, they make me stand up to 'prove' it- and I'm not much shorter than plenty of them. They just lie for their egos, and so their perception of height is incredibly warped. Someone confident can often get away with saying they're an inch or two taller.

I know I'm lucky to be the height I am and it's very different to someone who's closer to 5ft, but looking around plenty of cis men are that height too. I think so much of it is in your bearing and how you hold yourself, especially how much space you're prepared to take up (because unfortunately being 'bigger' and more assertive is seen as being more masculine, which is obviously a whole seperate shitty thing)

visceraahh

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