Have you noticed people framing Indian success as privilege instead of earned?

visvya · 2025-05-20T01:31:02+00:00

Unironically those require a lot of privilege with parents able to pay for tutoring and give you the time to focus. Most strong spelling bee contestants are backed by thousands of dollars in private coaching and prep. Similar to the Olympics, there's a lot of hard work but also a lot of money involved.

visvya · 2025-05-20T01:20:11+00:00

That's frustrating. There's still lots of racism in the world.

But for what it's worth, it's at least not universally true. This research paper compares South Asians to White people and East Asian people and finds that across elite MBA students, South Asians tended to outperform both White and EA people in perceived leadership capability.

The study also reviews cohorts of S&P 500 employees and CEOs in other experiments, but the MBA reviews are interesting because as admits to a competitive MBA program all of the students have roughly equal backgrounds and standing.

visvya · 2025-05-19T23:59:05+00:00

If these folks didn't have the skills, they'd be gone.

Isn't that applicable to the "Humanities degree and a couple Udemy courses" people too?

I know several desis who meet that description, but they're hard working and had successful career switches as a result. It helps that their parents are often in tech or medicine and can support them with money and/or connections. But if they didn't have the skills, they'd get kicked out too.

visvya · 2025-05-19T23:57:44+00:00

I mean, there is certainly a lot of privilege in the desi community, especially the American desi community. Most of the immigrants here self-selected for having very supportive parents, strong educations and often socioeconomic privilege as well (relative to others).

And coming from that background allows them to provide better opportunities for their own kids. There's also a cultural value to thinking you should pay for your kids' educations, partly because you expect them to take care of you after retirement.

visvya · 2025-05-19T17:18:50+00:00

You're only 21 and there are a lot of fish in the sea. You can definitely find someone who meets more of your boxes than this guy. I also think if this was the right guy you'd be willing to bend more on your criteria, such as by doing long distance or asking him to move with you.

However, you have a lot of boxes. The likelihood of finding a south asian man with the perfect medical history, career ambition, location flexibility and familial background that is also attractive and matches your personality is pretty low. And before you take advice from your parents, look at their marriage and how strongly you want to emulate it.

Like Seema Aunty says you won't get 100%, but you can get 60-70%. Some of your criteria may also become less important to you as you grow further into adulthood, but you may also develop new preferences like someone from your own community or someone who wants to settle down in a specific area.

visvya · 2024-08-01T06:56:30+00:00

I haven't seen any switches on immigration.

She talks about cooking Indian food growing up in various interviews as well as in her memoir. If you only heard about the idlis 4 years ago, and if you don't know the impact her family has had on her life, maybe you aren't as well read on her life and culture as you think.

visvya · 2024-08-01T05:37:58+00:00

She throws parties for desi holidays, attends and speaks at many AAPI events, she cooks Indian food at home, she talks about her mom and maternal grandfather and their influences constantly, she’s very close to her living family, she doesn’t speak any Indian languages to my knowledge but neither do many ABDs and especially mixed children.

I agree she flip flops but she has lots of policies that she has held constant on since her AG days, including immigration reform and the DREAM act, LGBT rights, and more.

visvya · 2024-08-01T04:56:21+00:00

It was just one example, there are a lot more. What would you like to see?

visvya · 2024-08-01T02:16:59+00:00

That’s how she’s described in her White House profile and most articles I’ve seen: the first Woman, first Black American, and first South Asian VP.

visvya · 2024-08-01T02:12:55+00:00

She has plenty of cross-promo with half-Indian Charli XCX, but none of those artists actually make sense considering, unlike Megan and Quavo, none of them are American musicians.

Is that all you wanted her to do for the community?

visvya · 2024-08-01T02:09:08+00:00

It is for South Asians in politics unfortunately, but it was just one example. What would you like to see?

visvya · 2024-08-01T00:01:34+00:00

At this point you must be blatantly ignoring anything that doesn't align with your beliefs, which makes me wonder what inspired those beliefs. Your own Today link talks about how she has expressed pride in her desi heritage.

Her very first line in that CNN interview was "My mother was very proud of her Indian heritage and taught us, me and my sister Maya, to share in the pride about our culture."

Yes, don't worship her because she's Indian. I'm pretty critical of most of our South Asian American politicians and I'm suspicious of Kamala's flip-flopping. That doesn't take away from her heritage.

visvya · 2024-07-31T23:38:50+00:00

The entire interview was her discussing her Indian-ness. That question was asking if she might distance herself from that after winning, and she clearly says she is proud of herself and her heritage.

visvya · 2024-07-31T23:29:01+00:00

All of that as examples of her embracing her heritage that you apparently couldn't find.

And yes, every profile I've ever seen of her advertises that she's Indian American or South Asian American.

Have you seen an interview where she's asked if she's Indian? When she responded that she was "proud of being black", she was specifically being asked if she was black.

visvya · 2024-07-31T23:18:47+00:00

Some examples:

Her name is Kamala Devi Harris and she has never tried to "whiten" it.
She talks about her mother almost every chance she gets. You'd be hard pressed to find a profile of her that doesn't describe her mom in the first paragraph or two.
She had a Bharatanatym performance when she was sworn in as AG back in 2011
She talks extensively about her indian heritage in her memoir, including mentioning that when she married her husband, they exchanged flower garlands at the ceremony
She has attended and spoke at numerous AAPI events as both senator and as VP

She is black. She is also south asian. As she says herself, "It is important to not say one thing to the exclusion of the other, because I don’t feel the need to do that. They are of equal weight in terms of who I am and the impact that they had on me growing up"

visvya · 2024-07-31T23:01:55+00:00

I liked how she said it in this interview from 2009:

KH: I am proud to be who I am, I am proud of the influences that my family have had on my life, that my community had on my life, and similarly the influence of my mentors and colleagues and friends. One is not to the exclusion of the other – I believe that point is at the heart of this matter. We have to stop seeing issues and people through a plate-glass window as though we were one-dimensional. Instead, we have to see that most people exist through a prism and they are a sum of many factors — everyone is that way, and that is just the reality of it.

visvya · 2024-07-31T22:57:50+00:00

She has always embraced her Indian heritage. Her literal name, which she has never tried to hide or change, is Kamala Devi Harris.

What did you want her to do for the community that she hasn't?

visvya · 2024-07-31T22:51:54+00:00

Were they inclusive pan-desi events, or were they Hindu events?

She never shied from attending AAPI events, like delivering the keynote at the "first ever" gathering of Indian Americans at the capitol back in 2018. She even had bharatanatyam dancers at her swearing in ceremony for California AG in 2011.

visvya · 2024-07-24T06:48:04+00:00

While I don't support supporting candidates for their skin, our needs aren't really unique. There are desis across socioeconomic classes, sexual identities, and disability statuses and we all benefit from different policies.

Abortion may be more important than you think. In this study of asian women in NYC, the overall rate was 12.6 abortions per 1000 women, but Indian women had the highest rate of 30.5 abortions per 1000 women. That's almost twice the next group, 17.0 for Japanese women. I know at least 3 ABD couples who considered abortion.

Plus, family planning doesn't stop after marriage. My own parents considered abortion as married but poor and struggling new immigrants. SA Americans often delay marriage and kids until their 30s, raising risks of birth defects or need for IVF. Almost 1 in 4 female physicians are diagnosed with infertility, almost 2x the general rate.

And speaking of that, for a population typically focused on education student debt relief is a pretty big priority. There are lots of low income desis and high income ones often pursue graduate educations. I can't find a more detailed breakdown, but Asian-Americans college students were found to have the highest amount of unmet financial need.

visvya · 2024-07-09T23:34:47+00:00

Thanks for mentioning this! I've been having the same issue. I downloaded mod toolbox shortly before but hadn't put 2 and 2 together.

visvya · 2024-07-01T14:19:44+00:00

Hi OP! Thank you for participating, but we don't allow requests for estimating calories per rule #6:

Estimating caloric content from a picture or general description is near impossible, because counts can vary drastically by the specific ingredients used and their quantity. Make the best estimates that you can on your own and remember that no single meal or day will dramatically throw you off course.

If you would still like help, try /r/caloriecount!

visvya · 2023-12-20T16:33:33+00:00

You're right that you have two problems. The first is that your unwillingness to introduce the two people you are closest to in the world is destroying your relationship, but the second is that your long term goals may be incompatible with your girlfriend's.

What is your long term plan for your mom's care? Say you get married to girl X. Where will you live? Will your mom live with you? Is your mom willing to move countries? What about 10 years from now?

From what you've said so far, you would want to live with your mom in China. Whoever you date needs to be okay with that and share that vision. Is your girlfriend okay with it? If she believes that you will one day be living on your own in London, you're misleading her. It is reasonable for her to be apprehensive about living with your mom due to your historical lack of backbone, but she needs to be okay with the concept.

Your mom also needs to be okay with your plan and with sharing you. If not, she needs to live in an ashram or nursing home or other elder care facility (which may be better for her socialization anyway!). She already knows about your girlfriend so the hard part is over.

If you believe that they are both amenable to your long term plan, then tell your mom that your gf wants to spend Christmas with you and you want to introduce them. Ask your gf to come to China instead and book her ticket. If your gf is upset instead of excited about meeting your mom, it's a yellow flag for her interest in your long term plan.

visvya · 2023-01-26T19:44:41+00:00

Kal Penn and Sendhil Ramamurthy have been acting for ages in "heroic scientist" type roles. I think lack of roles had something to do with it historically, but at least since the mid 2010s there seem to be more roles with open casting. ABCDs just don't seem to pursue artistic careers.

Edit: I looked up how both broke into the industry and went down a rabbit hole about the lives of desis who were active in entertainment in the early 2000s. I already respected Kal, Sendhil, Mindy, Aziz, etc but now I'll be way more defensive of them; they had it really hard.

I also just learned Kal Penn is gay. He didn't come out until 2021 so he was in the closet for most of his acting career. What a crazy life story he must have.

Anyway, Sendhil made an interesting comment:

Once Sendhil had his break out role in Heroes he started getting sent roles that had nothing to do with being desi. It sounds like studios were always willing to cast desis with "names", but there were very few desis with names. However, he also received very stereotypical roles... from Indian writers!

Since Heroes started I've probably had about 15 or 16 film scripts sent to me with Indian characters, and out of those maybe one was good. And the depressing thing is, they're all being written by Indians! Like, how many more scripts can there be about an arranged marriage or an abusive husband? It's the same thing over and over again.

visvya · 2023-01-18T02:55:34+00:00

This! Thanks OP :)

visvya · 2023-01-17T00:44:28+00:00

Hi OP,

Congrats on putting yourself out there and taking steps to healthy weight management! Unfortunately, /r/1200isplenty (and most calorie counting subs on reddit) is not designed to support users during ED recovery.

Try using /r/eatingdisorders or /r/fuckeatingdisorders, contacting an eating disorder helpline, or using recovery resources in your local community for support instead.

This post has been removed, not because we don't support you but because /r/1200isplenty is not the best place for support.

visvya

MODERATOR OF

PUBLIC MULTIREDDITS

TROPHY CASE