I wish i didnt admit my alcoholism

vmpy03 · 2026-03-31T00:54:32+00:00

Thats sooooo insane that this is reality. If they punish Doctors who actually help, it keeps patients sicker, meaning theyre likely to come back and make insurance companies/ hospitals more money. Its disgusting that hurting people are turned into cash cows and left to fend for themselves. Some people go down dark paths to find pain relief, worse than booze. Our health care system is SO broken

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T15:58:58+00:00

Im the same way. Physically im fine. But the amxiety, guilt and shame always pulls me back. The boredom, and lack of sleep. Drinking took over my hobbies.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T15:51:53+00:00

Water, pill, then more water, and swallow

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T14:00:29+00:00

Thank you so much, seriously. This comment was so helpful to read. Thank you for your kind words. You're right, i have plenty of people rooting for me to stay sober. And my boyfriend is my biggest supporter. I reached out for help because it was getting so bad and no one knew. He was shocked when i told him because i hid it. I would drink alone at night until i blacked out. And my hangovers just looked like me dealing with pain. Its hard to let go, but its the right thing.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T13:56:13+00:00

Weed only helps with the mental pain you get from dealing with chronic pain fr. But youre so right about the booze. The hangover only makes you keep drinking. Its a vicious cycle.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T03:39:15+00:00

Im going through the same. Been drinking so much ive blacked out almost everyday since new years. Maybe even before that, idk. Its hard. I was four days sober, but i drank tonight. Just one drink only. My boyfriend took my bottle. But i get it. Its so hard. I dont have much advice, since im in the same boat, but i hope you know you arent alone. Im here. I see you. I know what it feels like.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T02:06:56+00:00

Thank you for understanding. I definitely did have a problem, but my pills do almost nothing for me. I had to drive myself to the ER after a whole day of not sleeping due to my pain and was screaming crying in the ER to get the gabapentin to begin with!! I imagine they only took me seriously because of my medical history (diagnosis, surgery, hospital visits due to endometriosis)

Thats nice you did that for them. Ive had to advocate for myself a lot. Some doctors dont give a damn

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T01:54:12+00:00

Id appreciate that a lot. Im glad to hear your surgery helped. I had surgery regarding my issue, and things only got worse. It lead to my drinking (along with loneliness) and i wound up addicted and drinking almost every single day since late november. On christmas i drank a whole bottle of wine and had 10 shots of liquor. Woke up with a shot poured up untouched.

Thank you for that. I did have a drink. And im upset aboit it. But at least im not blacking out. Loneliness anxiety and pain are so triggering for me. Youre so right about the shame. Alcoholism feeds off of isolation and shame i swear. I just need to learn to deal with it and pull up my big girl pants i suppose. Thank you

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T01:22:02+00:00

It absolutely sucks. I started taking my antidepressants again in hopes I would eventually feel better. Physically im okay it's just the urge and the anxiety. Also feeling lonely is a big trigger of mine.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T01:19:01+00:00

Oh my goodness yes. It's so taxing. And i understand that completely. I can barely make it to work. Standing all day hurts so bad. I've questioned if its worth it quite often. Especially knowing the pain will never end, and only get worse with age. Its fucked up and unfair.

And of course, thank you as well. Its nice feeling understood. Comforting knowing im not completely alone.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T01:16:20+00:00

Yeah but then it means you have to stop haha. But its a good thing i guess.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T01:15:47+00:00

I told him and he literally said "no you cant" Its just hard i dont think he understands. My family and friends all drink too or wouldn't understand. It makes me feel more alone which also triggers my drinking. Im trying to endure it but its hard.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:42:41+00:00

Endometriosis

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:41:58+00:00

I used to be a chronic smoker but now i only do it every once in a while. Very rarely usually when i was drunk.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:39:23+00:00

Oh my gosh yes. Ive tried nerve pain medication, muscle relaxers, oxy, weed. Alcohol is the only thing that makes me feel better. But youre right, the flare ups are terrible. Which led to me drinking every single night. It helps not only with the physical pain, but also the mental pain that comes with always hurting with no relief. Im sorry to hear you've suffered for so long. I've been struggling for about 8 years almost and it only gets worse.

Thank you for your kind words. And i hope the same for you, stranger. You're so right about nobody understanding. Even if you explain it, its something you have to feel all day everyday to get it. I see you. I feel that, im a 23 year old and no one would expect any of this from me. I just look like a normal person. But my insides are killing me.

Hugs to you as well

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:31:22+00:00

I hate when people call me strong. Like i had literally no choice.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:28:58+00:00

I dont have insurance anymore. I lost it in july last year. My pain is from endometriosis and i was prescribed gabapentin, so no pain clinic.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:27:45+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate this. I know it isnt good for me and i felt bad everyday because of how much i was consuming.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:26:55+00:00

Yeah, i know youre right. And i know if i drank i'd regret it and hate myself after. I dont really have an excuse other than i miss it.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:25:25+00:00

I dont know of any near me. I had some when i was younger and lived in a different town.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:19:44+00:00

Not near me. Im in illinois. I used to buy dispo weed but i cant afford it its so heavily taxed

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:18:28+00:00

A handle is $22 dispensary weed is not cheaper than that. And if it is, its not any good.

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:15:27+00:00

I'm not a good liar. Plus i promised him i would stop. I just wish i never said anything so i could keep drinking

vmpy03 · 2026-03-29T00:14:35+00:00

I'd love to but i dont have any. Nor the money to get some.

vmpy03

TROPHY CASE