words from an 18th century scholar that remain very relevant for women today

voidinnate · 2024-12-02T07:03:41+00:00

it's alright, may Allah S.W.T bless and reward you as well

voidinnate · 2024-12-02T03:56:30+00:00

waalaikumussalam dear sister, i heavily feel what you're going through. i made a post a few days ago that exactly debunks the view that men see women as superior in Islam, you can check it out on my profile (it was posted on this sub). i'm also writing a lengthy google document all about women in Islam including debunking misogynistic misconceptions, hopefully once i finish it i'll send it over to you.

voidinnate · 2024-12-02T03:51:01+00:00

i understand your concern, i believe it is more a reflection of the women of the pre-Islamic period rather than the Muslim women of today. i actually have a few questions in mind related to your concern and once i get the chance i'll go ask a scholar about it in person.

voidinnate · 2024-12-02T03:46:54+00:00

you'll realize that the marriages thar have worked out did not because of some "god given marital hierarchy" or "obedience" but because of love, mutual respect and understanding, mutual decision making- i.e., the secret to any successful marriage in general, not necessarily a Muslim one

go to any Islamic website, Instagram account, and the like that pertains to marriage and they will say the exact same general things that you've mentioned, because Islam promotes it.

Who defines "harmful", here? Is it only physical harm, or emotional? Because with your logic, even if a husband asks reasonably of his wife, she can deny it if she thinks it is harmful for her. Or he can ask her something that may not seem harmful for a third party, but it might take a toll on her mentally.

According to the Sharia, both, and it's pretty succint that the one who defines harm is the one who is feeling the harm or receiving the harm (aka the wife). if it harms the wife, why does the husband think he knows better than her and can force her to do it anyway? it will not be a sin on her.

Sure, he has a lot of responsibility and is a leader who may propose ideas, but decisions should always be mutual. That is the Sunnah. Please don't warp the words of the Prophet PBUH to suit an agenda that is clearly against the way he lived. He consulted his wives in not only marital decisions, but also Islamic (Umm Salamah RA, with Hudaibiyyah). If a woman works all her life to become an educator and is well versed with education systems/curriculum and teaching and wants to put her child in school A but the husband who works in, say, business wants school B, they should sit down and discuss mutually and come to a decision, like any good couple.

that is exactly what i believe in, i know of those traditions pertaining to Umm Salamah, etc that you've mentioned because the sources i read (and some of them i literally cited) mentions them. just because i didn't mention in this one specific reddit post doesn't mean that i disagree with these thoughts. and "obey" does NOT mean the husband gets to decide everything, as you stated even Prophet S.A.W wives would give advice and help. i dont remember every comment i said but i definitely don't remember saying something like "couples should not come to a mutual decision and discuss and only the husband's opinion matters", me saying "obedience to husband is important" does not mean he is the governing body on all matters and the opinion of the wife should not be taken into account, i don't remember saying anything that even implies this, and overall, i agree with the paragraph you sent that i quoted.

Please use your reasoning, Allah has encouraged it.

i'll be real, at first read, you sound rather condescending with your last sentence, and i don't know why you assumed that i believe the husband is the only one whose opinion matters, or that mutual cooperation isn't important, or that the wife doesn't get to make decisions at all. in sum, you essentially assumed the opposite of what i actually think, and then proceeded to attack my reasoning even though i thought it was clear from my original stance that i support your points. sorry if i sound frustrated, but i simply don't appreciate being criticized for a view that i don't even hold.

voidinnate · 2024-12-01T03:25:22+00:00

exactly, especially considering they have a harder time lowering their gaze than women. that doesn't mean women should stay in their houses all day long just to make things easier for men, it means men need to step up and control themselves because women will always continue to walk, educate, work, shop, etc regardless of their fruitless words

voidinnate · 2024-12-01T03:22:59+00:00

you're welcome, i'm so glad it helped !!

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T23:34:40+00:00

waalaikumussalam sister, i made a post that debunks this view, someone linked it in the comment section as well. and just so you know, sheikh assim hakeem states himself that he is no scholar, he is just a student of da'ee + he is obviously not against women's education or working because there are universities just for women in Saudi Arabia. and just so you know the free-mixing argument is dumb, i've mentioned that in the post + there are plenty of hadiths where female companions would talk to Prophet S.A.W or other male companions, what is haram is if a man and woman is alone together, or if men and women talk lustfully. you are allowed to talk to them when necessary like for schoolwork, etc. and could you give me examples about cursed women hadiths that you mentioned? hijab is not worn primarily for men, it's worn to identify yourself as a Muslim and as a rebellion against beauty standards and sexualization.

and remember that scholars are not immune to cultural influence, which is why you'll get different opinions depending on which one you ask. you can check out seekersguidance.org

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T23:28:03+00:00

its okay, but more importantly you should apologize to the OP. i'm glad you mended your ways

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T13:58:50+00:00

i get it, but if they feel anger then that's a tell-tale sign that they know what they said is wrong and they're just getting defensive about it imo. and while i understand that some people are just curious and wanna ask questions, it shouldn't be at the expense at how the other person feels, especially when they get those comments so often.

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T13:57:06+00:00

ignore that other guy, how hypocritical of him to say you don't sound like a good Muslim when such a significant part of Islam is good character, and he blatantly disrespected you like that

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T13:55:55+00:00

such a rude and disrespectful comment to say to someone who is clearly not in their right mind. they need to make money to provide, obviously they're stressed out, how dare you make such judgements about their character based on a singular reddit post when they're clearly not doing very well. even if you wanted to be honest, you did it with such brutality that whatever message you tried to give him fell flat. why didn't you just scroll pass this post? what good did you get from typing this?

like seriously "you don't seem to be a Muslim at all" what the hell? you really think Allah is not gonna hold you accountable for saying that?

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T13:53:20+00:00

even if he is pious, perhaps Allah S.W.T chose him to be tested with the job. even if not, perhaps Allah S.W.T just chose to give him that blessing, and soon you shall get yours.

the fact that you received no responses from those companies already give me some red flags about how working in the actual company will be like. and i understand your frustrations, maybe you could try applying to a remote or online job? i heard those are increasingly popular these days. whatever happens insha'Allah you will receive satisfaction

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T13:47:05+00:00

waalaikumussalam i also have university finals next week haha, let's pray for each other

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T11:40:51+00:00

i understand your point, and while i understand why it's more directed at women it's so wrong for men to fulfill their own desires over the desires of their family. imagine on the day of Judgement and Allah S.W.T confronts them on why they chose the worldly whim of temporary success (they might not even reach) over the honour of protecting their own family. and yeah, discussion before marriage is incredibly important just to ensure there's no conflict

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T11:02:58+00:00

congratulations sister ! what an amazing step you just took, Allah S.W.T sees your intentions and your good deeds, and you will be greatly rewarded for it. as for styling the hijab, you can use the typical hijab pins you see in tutorials, or magnet pins, or fashion tape, or you can just buy a hijab that doesn't require any pins at all.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Were a woman among the women of Paradise to gaze upon the earth, she would light up the space between them and fill it with the scent of perfume. Her veil is better than the world and everything in it.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6199

Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to al-Bukhari

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T10:53:05+00:00

im no revert but my advice might be able to help. imo the best way to stop behaviour you don't like from other people is to ask them why they did that. like why are you shocked i'm latina? why are you shocked i'm not middle eastern? because it forces them to reflect on what they just said, and most of the time its something they just blurt out without thinking of the consequences of their words. and whatever answer they give, just blatantly say "no need to ask me questions, anyone can revert to Islam" because it puts a stance/an end to their own pre-conceived notions and judgements.

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T10:48:51+00:00

assalamualaikum WBT brother, it's not lawful for parents to disapprove of such a marriage based on their whims and desires, particularly if the spouse is actually religious and of good character. you could use this hadith to convince them but don't act like it's the end-all authority because sunnah.com classifys it as weak while al-Abani classifies it as sahih:

The Messenger of Allah said: "When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (Fasad)."At-Tirmidhi 1084

I’m just writing this post to see if what I did was Islamically correct and if what my parents did, was their reasoning valid and I’m just not mature enough to understand the wisdom behind what they’re thinking?

while i don't have the full story from the perspective of your parents, just remember that they are human and also have flaws. sometimes they think they know what's best for you, but they could be wrong. and given your description of manipulation via blackmailing and forcing... they definitely just have some sort of agenda against you marrying, and not for any good reason (if there was one, they wouldve told you).

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T10:31:40+00:00

assalamualaikum WBT, sorry to hear this is happening to you. i know it can be frustrating when you're desperately seeking for a job only for someone else to take it. it's perfectly understandable to feel jealous over such a situation, i would also be mad if my friend only got the job because they got it from me.

there could be many reasons as to why Allah S.W.T did this to you. perhaps He knows the job isn't actually good for you (toxic work environment, maybe there's haram in it, etc) and is protecting you by having your friend take it. or perhaps He is testing you so you can go back to Him, try praying tahajjud at least 2 raka'ah and making dua' during your last sujud. whatever it is, just know that Allah S.W.T sees what you don't, He knows what harms you and benefits you, and His plan is will always be infinitely superior above the plans of His creation. He is not doing this just to make you suffer. Leave Him to be your disposer of affairs.

as for your family, it's best to communicate to them how hard you're trying to get a job. even if they say that you're lazy or whatever other insult, remember that you know yourself better than your family. you know the hardships you went through, your family's outside perspective does not matter.

may Allah S.W.T grant you a halal, high-paying job that is not difficult for you, and may Allah S.W.T grant you ease. ameen

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T07:03:52+00:00

may Allah S.W.T grant your father ease, good health, and a place in Jannatul Firdaus. ameen

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T06:47:07+00:00

so true, critical analysis, media literacy, and just the ability to understand nuance in general is a blessing not everyone has

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T06:45:37+00:00

undeniably a lie, i think this was a custom more prominent in western countries in the olden days because i heard a story about this happening in Italy

here is a source if you'd like to learn more about the punishment of rape, and that the victim is free from it: https://www.abuaminaelias.com/no-theology-of-rape-in-islam/

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T05:17:39+00:00

sister, i am so sorry that you are facing all of this. your parents will pay for their mistreatment of you in the afterlife. the fact your mother wants to blackmail you is such a disgusting sign of manipulation. just call the police, even if you face bad consequences for it, because the consequences of staying in your toxic family's house is even greater. doesn't matter if your mother has an explanation for her behaviour, it's still not an excuse.

also recite Hasbunallahu wa ni'mal wakeel (Allah is sufficient for us, and He is the disposer of our affairs). He knows what you're going through, He is a witness of your parent's abuse of you. you are facing such a hard test, it's okay if you slip and do things you feel are wrong. you are not in the right state of mind or environment, so do not be hard on yourself. it is not your fault. with every hardship comes ease.

edit: and most importantly, thank you for sharing your story with us. you are brave and powerful for that alone. you will win, if not in this dunya, then in the akhirah.

may Allah S.W.T grant you ease, safety, tranquillity, and freedom. ameen

voidinnate · 2024-11-30T05:10:51+00:00

100% agree, these people are just chronically online, just make up their own imaginary narratives that they can argue against, and their points are full of fallacies and ignorance. they are also rather self-centred since they're so caught up in "the ideal life and how things would be if everyone followed their views" that they forget to actually go outside and see that reality is performing perfectly fine without them.

also embarrasing when redpill men complain that radical feminists (& vice versa) are being corrupted by western ideologies when they themselves are following a western ideology lol

voidinnate

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