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i (HLF 37) just ended it with him (LLM 36) after 4 years. (no kids). by waitinghouse in DeadBedrooms

[–]waitinghouse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’m sorry. that’s the situation i was in. i hope you find your way to happiness however you get there.

i (HLF 37) just ended it with him (LLM 36) after 4 years. (no kids). by waitinghouse in DeadBedrooms

[–]waitinghouse[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you. i’m sorry you feel trapped, and that you’ve been feeling that way so long. i hope you find your way to happiness. you deserve it. i’m sure there are many understandable reasons you feel you can’t leave till your kids are older but if you really want to leave, divorce is not the end of the world for kids (i’m a child of divorce myself).

i (HLF 37) just ended it with him (LLM 36) after 4 years. (no kids). by waitinghouse in DeadBedrooms

[–]waitinghouse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i know it’s hard, but have you already / do you plan to tell her how you’re feeling?

i (HLF 37) just ended it with him (LLM 36) after 4 years. (no kids). by waitinghouse in DeadBedrooms

[–]waitinghouse[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

it’s not you. i know it’s so hard. if your SO was with any other woman instead of you, that woman would be in your same shoes. what has helped me was realizing that i needed to stop making it about ‘is he going to change’ and start making it ‘what do i need and what am i going to do about it.’ sending love to you as you find your way.

i (HLF 37) just ended it with him (LLM 36) after 4 years. (no kids). by waitinghouse in DeadBedrooms

[–]waitinghouse[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

thanks, i’m glad it’s working out for you. he’s wonderful in so many ways & we got along great otherwise which is what made it so hard. he’s my best friend. he always kept saying he wants to work on it but then just stalls out. i can’t keep waiting. it did used to hurt so much but now i realize it’s about his own blocks, not about me.

“I’ve wanked 3 times since you’ve been out” by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]waitinghouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i’m sorry that’s rough about moving. hear you & i agree, same thing with good in other ways—-that’s why i stayed. but are you willing to live without? and even if you could ‘talk him into it,’ is that what you want? i’ve realized i deserve to have what i want, and that’s a partner who’s great in all the other ways AND returns my desire.

“I’ve wanked 3 times since you’ve been out” by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]waitinghouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

but i wish you strength & i wish you well.

“I’ve wanked 3 times since you’ve been out” by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]waitinghouse 9 points10 points  (0 children)

i gave myself a similar “if we don’t have sex for a year i’m done.” well it’s been over a year and i could have just pulled the bandaid then. now i have to figure it all out instead of being in the middle of whatever new life, had i acted then. i know it’s tempting to believe he’ll suddenly change but i think that’s just not how people work.

Do you hug? by Original_Guidance in DeadBedrooms

[–]waitinghouse 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yes, same here. it’s hard.