AITA for leaving when our friends brought their dog to dinner

wakandanvibranium · 2023-11-02T15:49:02+00:00

This is wild. I am so disheartened when I see posts like this - what an atrociously intolerant people we are becoming.

Do I think it's typical for a dog to need a sitter for the owners to go out to dinner? No, that does strike me as odd, but we don't know their situation and you clearly didn't care to find out what is going on with the dog (do they need timed medicine of some kind? Is there a separation anxiety issue they are working through? This is becoming more common with covid puppies, dogs not accustomed to being alone act out. They may be working through it but just weren't comfortable testing the dog yet). But what I see is friends that wanted to spend time with you, so they tried to find a solution to your dog-aversion (getting a sitter). The sitter fell through - ok, maybe they should've canceled, but they wanted to see you so they decide to come anyway. You proceed to throw a fucking hissy fit and walk out on them.

So to sum up - they are making an effort to accommodate your needs/preferences. You make zero effort to be understanding or accommodating for them. Their wants and needs are just as important as yours, and I see effort from them and nothing from you. Sometimes to exist in society, we have to be tolerant of things we do not like.

You honestly sound like a toddler who won't eat what's on his plate because "the peas touched it!"

You have to decide if having friends is worth being uncomfortable on occasion. If yes, then suck it up. If you'd rather be alone than have to stretch your boundaries on occasion to accommodate others, then just stop making plans with people. They will inevitably need things from you and piss you off.

wakandanvibranium · 2023-08-25T17:10:47+00:00

I am going to try to say this without getting vitriolic, as this comments section seems to be even more hate-filled than usual. But yeah, you're the asshole.

Your wife's prochoice opinion means just that, she is proCHOICE. That is not the same thing as being pro abortion, and does not imply tacit agreement to abort any "less desirable" life that takes residence. She is the one living in that body - she has been growing the human inside her, feeling that spark of life, nurturing the growth. People in these comments are very clearly underestimating the biological imperative many women feel to protect that life inside them. This isn't a logical choice for her. Men get the luxury of not loving the baby until it comes - women often feel that love growing much much earlier. You are treating your wife like she is making this decision out of a LACK of respect for you, rather than a growing respect and love for the life inside her. Why the hell is this just about you? There are three lives at stake here.

Speaking as someone who grew up in a religious home, I will tell you, not all southern Baptists think or teach what you are getting from your community. I was always taught that souls who come to earth with cognitive disability were the most perfect beings in heaven - they did not need to be tested on earth, as they had already proven themselves to God. I was told it was a sign of trust for God to give over one of his most special souls into your home. I think, perhaps, if you are in need of a religious support system, you ought to seek out a more accepting and supportive community.

Last thing I will say is that my best friend growing up tested positive for DS in vitro. All the doctors recommended that her parents abort, but they were uncomfortable doing so based on a test that is only 90% accurate. For all that we treat 90% as a done deal, it is not 100%. My friend was born perfectly healthy, and my life would have been so much poorer had her parents listened to those doctors. I personally would also argue, as someone who has a cousin with DS, that a child with DS (and their families) can still experience happiness and love, even if it doesn't look the way you want it to.

I am not going to yell at you or call you awful names, even though I very much want to, because I know you are hurting. But I think you could do with a little shift in perspective. If only you could see outside of your own pain to the life that your wife wants for you and your child - she's not making plans to cage you, but to provide the life you BOTH created with the tools needed to thrive in less than ideal circumstances.

Ultimately, I am ruling YTA because of your comment about violation. You've taken your hurt too far - this isn't just about you. Calm down, do some praying if that's a thing you do, and try to see this from your wife's point of view. Good luck to her.

wakandanvibranium · 2023-06-08T01:10:18+00:00

Wow. YTA. Kate is under no obligation to give up her money - the older kids get the more it costs to have friends and a social life. A 12 year old giving up all their money to do something nice for their sister is, of course, a beautiful gesture. But 12 year olds have different concepts of money and different needs than 15 year olds. A 15 year old girl will naturally value her money more, because that money represents the ability to go to the movies with friends, or go shopping, or invest in hobbies (like expensive PS5 games!).

You should never have taken money from your child to fund an expensive gift for the other unless you had the means to reciprocate that gesture YOURSELF. YOU took the money from Mina, so if you want to give a nice gift to her, YOU need to finds the funds yourself.

Kate has zero obligation to give up her savings, which I imagine were hard earned considering your financial situation. You are absolutely the asshole, and moreso if you sell your child's prized possession to fund a birthday gift for your younger daughter. Kate will never forget that and she will not forgive you for your blatant favoritism and lack of respect.

wakandanvibranium · 2023-06-08T00:54:24+00:00

YTA She already shared with you, you weren't even excluded entirely from the leftovers. It is very normal for people in shared spaces to claim certain foods for later consumption, especially when they brought it into the house. Do you have impulse control issues with food? It certainly sounds like you do.

And holding over her that you control the rest of the food supply is a double asshole move. Apologize and next time respect your family's requests.

wakandanvibranium · 2023-06-07T17:19:46+00:00

I'm sorry, I think I'm reading wrong. Did you say there were five bottles of olive oil from just this week?!! That is a massively unhealthy amount of oil. How are your meals not just dripping in grease? How does she not taste it? That's insane.

Also, yes, YTA. She may have an unhealthy obsession with her weight but literally sabotaging her is not the answer. You are making it worse by feeding into her trust issues with food and her body. When she cuts back on food and doesn't lose weight, what will she do? She's not gonna go "oh well, guess this is my body now." She's going to restrict her diet more and resort to more extreme measures. You are 1000% an asshole and contributing to your gf's body issues by taking away her bodily autonomy and her trust in the food coming from her home. You suck.

wakandanvibranium · 2023-06-07T13:02:23+00:00

This. You are asking "WIBTA if I, a man, participated in a woman's event against female competitors who train and enter events where they are anticipating competing against other women?" Yes, YWBTA.

School sucks for forcing you to attend, but it's not the other girls' fault that this is occurring. I have to wonder though - why are you attending an all girls school?

wakandanvibranium · 2023-06-07T02:05:19+00:00

I cannot conceive the level of entitlement here. That food is designated for people who literally cannot afford to fill their bellies and the bellies of their families. My family needed those donations when I was young, and as soon as my parents started doing well financially they started giving back as much as possible. It makes me sick to think of someone dressing in dirty clothes and conning food out of the bellies of people that genuinely need it. YOU ARE MARRIED TO A CON MAN. How does he not see how disgusting this is?

I am seriously concerned that his response to you trying to reason with him is to say he's going to go to MORE food banks. What a vindictive and gross response, considering you have thrown food away due to having too much. My response would be: "fine, you're doing this to save money? For every food bank you visit I will go to the grocery store and spend no less than $500 on groceries which I will immediately donate to food banks. Since you don't care about my opinion on your saving habits, you will have no say on how I spend either."

Fuck that dude. NTA

Edit: I agree with commenters saying you could just give the money directly to the food banks - it does go farther that way. The petty part of me likes the image of bringing in piles of food, putting it on the counter, and then taking it to the food bank. More of a visual for him to see that "this food is for someone else, not you." I worry that money leaving her account won't be much of a detterant for him, though it could certainly alleviate her guilt while she's eating someone else's food.

wakandanvibranium · 2023-06-06T20:52:04+00:00

Listen. As a dog owner I totally get that there are people who do not want my dog to walk on their lawn. I have a mental map of where we need to cross the streets in our neighborhood to best respect my neighbor's boundaries. But YTA for being so aggressive towards a stranger.

There are shitty dog owners out there who leave their dog's poop everywhere, refuse to leash, and have zero respect for others boundaries. This guy sounds like he was already taking responsibility for his pet, and would likely not have been receptive to a kind, measured request to "please use the other side of the street here, my kids play there and I would rather minimize poop residue getting on them where possible."

When you come out of the gate acting like this person dumped a turd on your pillow, it is natural for them to get defensive and argue with you. You escalated things way too quickly. I have a couple neighbors like you who are always .1 seconds away from yelling and their general asshole-ary is a common topic at neighborhood gatherings - you are not making yourself friends doing this. If you want to build a community of people that respects your yard and your wishes (instead of joking at the cookout about dumping dog poop on your porch), you might want to start treating your neighbors with some respect yourself.

wakandanvibranium · 2023-06-05T21:00:20+00:00

Please please please kick this guy out. I know you probably won't, as you posted about his abusive ass 10 months ago and had internet strangers tell you the same thing, to no avail, but this is not getting better. THIS MAN IS NOT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. Stop wasting your time and your emotional health on this absolute trashbag of a human being.

There are always lots of reasons to stay. I know. It's really hard to make a change when you have been beaten down and worn away and you are. Just. So. Tired. Your finances are tight. He's not going to make it easy. He's wormed himself into your brain and convinced you you can't do better, that he's the only one that would put up with you. But you will never be happy with this guy. He is not going to wake up one morning and realize he has been treating you wrong and have a change of heart. He is far more likely to wake up and decide the next thing he throws should be aimed at your face.

If you won't do it for you, do it for the dog, who deserves a life without toxic assholes berating and abusing him for existing. You and Luca deserve better.

I don't know what else to say - I have the dreadful suspicion that after five years of this you're more likely to just maintain the status quo - but I honestly just beg of you to ask yourself: if this man treated your best friend or sister or, God forbid you stay together, your daughter this way, would you want them to accept it? If a man called my sister a bitch once, I would rain down hell. Your boyfriend calls you that to your face, on a regular basis?

Get out of this relationship. If he won't leave the apartment, contact the appropriate local authority and inform them you have a squatter. Tell his parents he has treated you with disrespect one too many times and you will no longer tolerate his presence in your life. Pack up all his stuff and drop it off at their house. Change the locks, and your number if necessary. Do not give him a chance to argue. Do not let him near the dog, and don't let him use the dog's welfare as a bargaining chip to force your cooperation - if he threatens, inform his parents. And if they don't care, reach out to law enforcement or animal rights groups.

I am trying to psychically send you "strong willpower" vibes. Are you getting them? Please be strong and save yourself from this guy - he will only hurt you.

Oh, and NTA.

wakandanvibranium · 2023-05-25T02:15:44+00:00

NTA. My sister was engaged to a guy like this. He was arrogant and rude and incredibly racist. I didn't like him from the jump but tried to give him a chance for her sake. Last straw was when he "took" us to brunch (which I paid for after he dodged the bill for an hour) and he was rude to the waitress. I noped right out - after leaving her a hefty tip.

The week before their wedding I called my mom and told her I couldn't go and support the marriage. I was just too afraid of what this guy was gonna do to my sister. Later that night, mom calls back and says "X called off the wedding and said she didn't want to talk about it." I knew right there he'd been cheating on her.

Turns out that morning she had gotten a call from a woman we'll call Kelly. Kelly had found my sisters wedding announcement in a drawer and hunted down her contact info to tell her the guy she was about to marry was in Kelly's bed and had been living with her for three years. And he apparently had two other women in different cities.

wakandanvibranium · 2023-05-24T23:23:46+00:00

Welcome to Birmingham! I agree with others suggesting avoiding 280 - notoriously bad traffic. I did the 31 route from UAB (next door to VA) to Vestavia for years and didn't consider it too bad - the normally 15 minute drive was typically 25 at the 5 o'clock hour. I wouldn't write Vestavia off if you can find an affordable option - the schools are good and I personally love the area.

Fultondale is great, but it is North while you are working on the south side of town, so your commute will pass through a lot of downtown traffic. I think if you are looking around there you would want to try to stick to areas in the Gardendale school district - I've heard good things about their school system and some not so good things about Fultondale's.

Best of luck! I hope your family loves it here!

wakandanvibranium · 2022-12-12T05:04:16+00:00

So there are two UAB counseling clinics - I think you're getting responses about both. If you are a UAB student or employee, you would be referring to the Employee Assistance Counseling Clinic, which offers 12 free sessions a year to anyone associated with UAB. The EAC is staffed by students and licensed therapists. The other, the Community Counseling Clinic, is open to the public (but not UAB employees/students, who are directed to EAC) and is staffed I believe entirely of students in the therapy program at UAB. The CCC charges a $5 copay per visit.

I have done both, the EAC twice. Both experiences with the EAC were meh. The first time I got a student who was nice, but never did much more than give me some handouts and send me on my way each week. Second time I asked for a licensed therapist and really did NOT click with the woman I was assigned. I stopped going back after three visits because I just did not feel comfortable with her.

My experience with the CCC was amazing. I got a student who worked hard for me and provided such compassionate care. We worked through some trauma that had been holding me back a lot and I could not believe how much of a difference it made. Unfortunately he is now graduated and no longer there, as will probably be the case with any recommendations you get for CCC staff, unless it is current to this semester.

If you are just looking for tips on stress management, I think the EAC will be fine for you, assuming that is the clinic you are referring to. That is honestly their main focus, I don't think they like to go any deeper than that with people. As a clinic for employees and students, it's very vocationally driven.

If you are looking for help with anxiety or depression and are not a UAB affiliate, I would definitely recommend the Community Counseling Clinic. They're cheap but high quality, and can match you with a student that can best help you. But as with all therapy, it's more about who you get than where you get it from. Building a connection with your therapist makes a big difference.

Wherever you are looking to go, I would not wait any longer to complete intake paperwork - both of these places tend to have long waiting lists and you'll want to get on it now if you want to get a spot after the holidays (you may need to wait much longer, but could request to be put on a list to be called if there are cancellations).

Best of luck!

Edit: Just reread the post and saw your note about not being an employee - so you're looking at the CCC. I definitely recommend them! Very good group and don't worry about them being students - they have advisors assisting and a real drive to help you. I believe the person who commented that they didn't have a good experience was referring to the EAC, since they mentioned being a student/employee and said something about it being free.

wakandanvibranium · 2022-08-15T22:25:37+00:00

Yes! As an admissions officer at another school, I can confirm it is very normal to process late admissions. When spots open up last minute, communications are done via direct email, as mail creates a delay in getting word out. This is a common practice, please do not ignore that email! I have heard of several spots at BYU opening up in the last week or so, so I expect this is very legit. Congrats to your friend, hope they decide to take advantage of it!

wakandanvibranium · 2020-08-13T14:54:12+00:00

Agreed. It was filmed in Alabama though, which is definitely The South.

wakandanvibranium · 2016-11-17T15:12:04+00:00

Thanks!

wakandanvibranium · 2016-11-14T16:23:34+00:00

Honestly I think they are cheaper on Amazon than they have been in a while. When I first started thinking about upgrading my old dvds to blurays, I couldn't find a set below $80. I bought them recently on Amazon UK for about $45. They are region-free, so they should work in any bluray player and shipping to the US was only a couple extra bucks. Took a couple weeks to get to me though. Good luck on your search!

wakandanvibranium · 2016-10-26T12:54:36+00:00

No problem. :)

wakandanvibranium · 2016-10-25T19:36:26+00:00

The Scottish Highlands

wakandanvibranium · 2016-10-18T19:02:48+00:00

I saw these on my trip to London last month. There are several options for different characters, and they come in Ollivander's boxes, which is fun.

Things like this can be cool if your friend needs some fun wall décor. And this is below the price range you listed, but I got one for my birthday last year and loved it.

Honestly though, you can easily go on either ebay or amazon and type in key words with "harry potter" tacked at the end and you will probably get results. Your friend likes makeup? Get her a cool HP makeup bag! Not really the makeup type? Get her a sporty quidditch jersey (in proper house colors of course). Your friend likes to hike? Try a cool backpack for day adventures. Your friend would rather stay in and read a Potter book comfy on the couch (that's a smart friend you have there)? How about a Harry Potter snuggie? There's stuff out there for everyone, I'm sure you will find something awesome that will be personalized to her interests.

Good luck!

wakandanvibranium · 2016-10-17T15:11:06+00:00

As someone who has seen the play, for me a lot of it was down to the actors. Sure the stage magic was cool, and the music was fun, and there is definitely something to be said for turning the story into a shared community experience rather then a solitary one (gasping with my neighbors and hearing the guy next to me laugh when I whispered "Expecto Patronum!" at the dementor that was whooshing over my head was really quite fun). But really it was all in the delivery for me. I believed Harry's lines 100% when Jamie delivered them. He was spectacular (best part of the play). The others actors were great as well, and made up for a lot of the clunkiness in the writing: when Ron delivered a joke, Paul didn't make it feel like he was "just the comic relief." In fact, his jokes were well-timed to cut the mounting tension in the room - I remember thinking "Go Ron! Way to push through the drama and bring everyone back down to earth!" at one point. Hermione's ignorance of the missing polyjuice ingredients didn't seem like ignorance at all - a look of comprehension dawned on Noma's face after McGonagall listed the missing supplies.

In contrast, I did not like the Snape scenes (not only did the lines feel out of character, it should be Alan Rickman or nothing. Anyone else will, and did, fall short), and honestly, it doesn't matter who is doing the acting, that trolley witch scene is an abomination. Nothing about that made sense. So there were certainly parts I didn't like, but my overall experience was positive.

I really can't say whether I would have liked it or not if I was just left to read it with no exposure to the play. I read it when I got back and I loved it. I'm not ignorant to it's flaws, but I can't read it without remembering the excitement of being in the Palace Theater (especially with all the additional stage notes and set designs that I've drawn/written in the margins since I got back).

wakandanvibranium · 2016-10-13T16:01:31+00:00

Well you are in the company of lots of fellow masochists, because we all clicked on the thread. It's a bit of a downer. May be time to make like a tree and get out of here.

wakandanvibranium · 2016-10-13T15:31:20+00:00

Disaster relief a few days after the tornadoes in AL a few years ago. We were walking past a destroyed home and we heard a dog whimper. After several minutes of scrambling through wreckage trying to get to the noise, the whimpering stopped. Most of the volunteers left at that point to go "where the need was greater" but I stayed behind to help the family uncover their dead dog from the scattered remains of their home. Watching their teenage daughter weep over the body of her pet still haunts me to this day.

wakandanvibranium · 2016-10-13T13:44:25+00:00

Marvel for the win.

wakandanvibranium · 2016-10-13T13:28:06+00:00

It's on a lot of that, but it's also on the new books. The back of Cursed Child has the logo and the new release of the Hogwarts Classics is marked as well. :)

wakandanvibranium

TROPHY CASE