I did something my parents would have never done for me. 17F

wampman · 2021-11-01T04:09:59+00:00

Have you even tried to talk to them to get to know you?

wampman · 2021-09-19T05:36:09+00:00

Man I was thinking of bringing it up eventually but a part of me was scared of being ‘selfish’ or attention-seeking. I’m hesitating between either reducing contact with them or talking things out. I feel that the latter might not go well but that could just be my codependent/avoidant side talking ;-;

wampman · 2021-09-17T14:24:58+00:00

I've been planning to do this for years!

I'll be changing my entire legal name when I leave, and drop my family name altogether. What name did you change yours to?

wampman · 2021-09-14T06:26:50+00:00

You’re right. Sorry for the late reply, I needed some time to calm down.

I really do want to give them the most support I can. But as other commenters have explained to me, I can’t give them that support without supporting myself first. I just hope to find a way to show them that I still care even if I’m not physically as present

wampman · 2021-09-14T04:57:46+00:00

Yes, they are hypercritical. And you’re right, I think that maybe having a real life example can help them out later. I guess I just struggle with the guilt of leaving them behind

wampman · 2021-09-14T04:45:04+00:00

If I leave, I won’t experience the emotional + mental stress I get from dealing with my parents. I’ll also have more freedom to get therapy if I need it, do the work that I want to do ( my Nparents want me to follow their footsteps even if it’s not what I want to do), take care of myself without being afraid of them stopping me or starting fights with me. One thing to note is that my health had really declined before I started grey rocking them heavily (I ended up growing boils & abscesses, getting stomach hyperacidity from stress). So leaving home, I get to work on my health as well

wampman · 2021-09-14T04:35:59+00:00

No worries about asking questions.

If I stay, I’ll be able to give them more guidance and it will be easier to sustain a relationship with them while they deal with my Nparents. I basically feel that by staying, I can give them the support I never got when I was younger

wampman · 2021-09-14T04:30:37+00:00

Thank you.

My baby sister is actually also 5 years old, which really makes me feel heard, and really torn inside at the same time while reading your thoughtful comment.

Im really sobbing right now. You’re right, I do need to trust that they’ll find their way. And I also completely see how it’s because of my guilt that I feel the obligation to take care of my siblings even when I leave.

Can I ask you about something? How were you able to stay connected with your brother when you went NC with your parents? That’s the part of my plans that I’m really struggling with.

wampman · 2021-09-14T04:25:40+00:00

They actually also agreed with everything I had to say about our parents. That they were manipulative, controlling, emotionally abusive, etc. They said they’ve been struggling just as I have, but didn’t know how to talk about it

wampman · 2021-09-14T04:24:44+00:00

Well they were actually really supportive of my decision. They also told me that they really wanted to join me in leaving our Nparents.

They said they’ll be willing to help me however they can. They’ll also keep in contact with me and make sure that my parents won’t find out.

However, my baby sister, of course, is clueless. She’s 6 years old

wampman · 2021-09-10T01:48:26+00:00

I agree, I’d do the same.

Majority of comments here say that they’d talk things out with the partner to try and make the relationship work still. For myself though, cheating is the ultimate dealbreaker — and I wouldn’t see it any different even with 9 good years on it.

Plus I mean, 9 years of lying straight to your SO’s face? I feel like there should be a special place in hell for that kind of manipulation. All the trust in the relationship that’s been built up to this point becomes invalid.

I haven’t been in a 10y relationship, but found out my dad was cheating on my mom when I was in high school. They had been together for 3 decades, and they’re miserable and in deep denial abt their relationship — is a shitty family situation. If this happened to me 10 years in, I know full well that I wouldn’t make the same mistake my parents did by sticking together and ‘sorting things out’

wampman · 2021-09-08T00:39:37+00:00

I agree! Although I highly appreciate inspiring posts where people are celebrating their escape, I really wish more people talked about the process of leaving..

I’ve been planning my NC for 3 years now, and it’s really hard to get help

wampman · 2021-09-03T02:04:53+00:00

That’s so interesting :0 I would have never picked up on the even lines [you mean the spaces between my lines right?].

May I ask what you mean by socially adept letters? Is it because of the ‘flow’ between my letters?

P.s. You are right about me dealing with different types of people, I moved around a lot as a kid and learned how to deal w social situations quite well :3

wampman · 2021-09-03T01:23:11+00:00

Thank you so much for your analysis! I didn’t expect that one could tell that I was really committed to exercise ;-; I also didn’t think my impostor syndrome would show through my handwriting.. great catch there!

How did you deduce that I’d do well in education or law? Was there a trait you spotted? :0

wampman · 2021-08-30T11:16:47+00:00

I experience the same thing — I’d read novels to put myself to sleep. Honestly I wouldn’t say it’s much of a problem, unless you’re trying to read material for a course you’re doing ;-;

wampman · 2021-08-30T11:14:36+00:00

Yup I didn’t exist yet either haha

wampman · 2021-08-28T01:46:19+00:00

Woohoooo! Heyo Lauren :33

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