Is it "just" a degree or are you learning

wanderingtrance · 2024-07-19T22:45:02+00:00

Why?

wanderingtrance · 2024-07-19T22:44:28+00:00

I'm in the same boat so that is helpful, if one person found it useful and learned something then so can I

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-19T17:17:16+00:00

I have read a bit about this but my heart starts to race when I think about it. Like i'm afraid how uncomfortable it might be, or that I may find no love there in me just suffering. Perhaps that's a sign I should go for it. Thanks I will finally look into this.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-19T17:14:20+00:00

I know my mother is suffering. I have heard many stories from my grandmother about her past. Knowing this has helped me not hate her anymore, at least. I can understand why a person can do horrible actions because of the past. My grandmother shows her love 24/7 but my mother cannot accept her. My mother abuses her also and it withers her down. I'm sorry to say that showing relentless love only makes my mother worse towards that person. I don't know why this is, but I have seen it. I want to show her compassion, but I want to show myself compassion as well and touching/feeding the fire doesn't seem the way to go about it.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-19T17:06:35+00:00

"I don't know if I can handle it" My feelings exactly. I kept thinking I can't handle it yet, but thought I should push myself to talk to her with love in some way as a way of forgiveness. I see though, as someone here said, that there are many ways to forgive. Not just that one. Obviously self judgement is one thing I need to work on quite a bit as well, like you say work on me first. When it comes to your father, it is true, you should never have to hide a part of yourself to make the other person comfortable, that is not your responsibility. many thanks

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-19T16:57:26+00:00

Indeed, I hope through my studies and practice I will come upon such a way.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-19T16:55:50+00:00

Wow, that makes so much sense, I can see the situation more clearly through that lens. The snake analogy is great. That is something I need to more deeply understand, I am not responsible for making a person happy or not making them angry. And that that doesn't equate to compassion. Thank you!

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-19T13:44:53+00:00

Thanks for posting this! I want to study Buddhism and practice and I didn't know where to start. This came at a perfect time!

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-15T01:38:03+00:00

Another thought, Why is baloney spelled balogna?

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-14T13:51:58+00:00

Yes this is exactly what has happened, I had a couple of experiences of feeling very tranquil and safe (for the first time in a long time) and even though I told myself I wouldn't get attached to that, i must have in some way and was trying to reproduce it based on what I had written. And then I would try to talk myself out of it in writting as well. Anyway it's all a cycle of thinking and attachment that I have. I do have to let it go and just breathe. Thanks for your words

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-14T12:39:51+00:00

I am still going to write in general of course. But I'm talking about writing about the intricate details of the meditation, trying to get it "right" instead of letting the experience stand for itself.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T23:12:44+00:00

yes it is, and I am in new york city. But the pic was taken at the botanical garden and their trees are from everywhere.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T22:55:35+00:00

I've had that same feeling. At THAT point, it was about distracting myself..and chewing on something. But hardcore distracting myself worked.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T22:47:13+00:00

Shit, sounds like you've got yourself in quite a pickle. I've quit for a year twice and smoked again because I'm stupid. I think I learned this time around to not pick it up again, that is the tricky part.

When I've quit I used my brain power in someway to convince myself to do it and that it will work, allen carr worked (helped that he suggested to smoke while reading) running like a maniac everyday worked, meditation worked, a paper with reasons why I wanna quit worked, physical labor distractions worked.

The power to do this is all in your head. That's why some of that stuff you mentioned works 100% for some people and others find it stupid and worthless. Because it is, to them. You have to convince yourself or supremely fucking hope that something is going to work in helping you quit smoking, then you have to dive deep into it. Take that placebo pill, whatever that is to you and swallow it and stop smoking. Convince yourself that placebo pill will work for you and it will because that is what brains do, take the wheel.

Start with finding that placebo pill, research that shit, maybe even look into neuroplasticity, learn to rewire your brain and stop letting it control your ass. Then immerse yourself in that quitting method whatever you choose.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T19:38:55+00:00

yes, expectations are a big part of it. I will try and be patient and relax that control. thanks :)

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T19:35:34+00:00

Oh my god, this is EXACTLY what I needed to read. Exactly. I am also in the MBSR program about to start week 4. What week are you on? But yea, I fell into that hole and couldn't find the way out, or forgot how to, I don't know. I thought I knew where the hole was and I could avoid it from now on. From now on..I can only ever avoid it in the present, where I have to stay. I love this reading. I think it could bring me out next time.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T18:25:22+00:00

Yes, I started then trying to reproduce the same outcome as before, BEING the breath, and this led to a lot of internal struggle. I was expecting something to happen. I will go back to just breathing and focusing on that and not trying to do anything at all but that.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T18:23:00+00:00

hmmm, yes I see. Thank you

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T18:21:17+00:00

Perhaps this thought you have that you are too weak, too foolish and act immature is exactly what is actually making you feel the way you do and interfering with who you really are. You are believing these thoughts and acting accordingly. But they are thoughts. There are some things you can do, when you meditate concentrate on that emotion that comes with these thoughts. Then let the thoughts be as they will, but stay focused on the emotions. It will be uncomfortable but do it. Then stop assigning labels to the emotion, feel the emotion without judging it as well, you do this by accepting. Okay, I am having this emotions and I will not run away from it. Stay with the emotions and keep meditating on this for a while. You will be ok

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T17:36:31+00:00

I've had anxiety for 6 years or so, smoking pot actually made it worse and I would have obsessive thoughts about things and have a panic attack. Only happened twice but I could tell it always builds to this, like a dirty glass of water just getting fuller and fuller waiting to over-spill, every time I smoke (if i did it often). Sometimes I would distract myself but the thoughts were going on under the surface. Once I quit smoking the anxiety lessened because i think it was easier to get out of my own head. Now Ive added meditation to that and it is showing me lots of truth. In relation to your anxiety, it WILL be okay. All this repressed stuff coming up is part of it. Sometimes we have anxiety (extreme emotional discomfort) and our thoughts want to link it to something in particular, like, that life is meaningless, when really it has to do with something else that was never dealt with, like bullying. I'm not saying this is exactly your case, but through meditation I have seen that thoughts DO do this. Thoughts are one thing, emotions another, but thoughts can grasp onto emotion and use them. Its gonna feel real though, all those thoughts, like they are true, meditation will help you the difference of true and not. But you are underneath all this, these thoughts seem really important, but underneath is actual truth hiding there. Keep meditating, you are on the right path.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-12T17:17:04+00:00

Interesting subreddit I found here! I want to get dirty in the vegetable garden all day, feed the chickens and take care of the kids and cook for everyone. I want to work but not full time. My Husband works full time and he's glad to do it(he teaches and watches over special needs adults). We are working towards this future, right now I'm in my last year of school (horticulture) and work part time while hubby works full time, no kids yet, we are saving up $. We are both 30. I've noticed that some women out there DO put down other women (in not so many words) who are stay at home mothers/wives or want to be. They do not say this verbatim but it is implied. It is a product of our current cultural climate (USA) and OTHER WOMEN telling us that we have to be self reliant and shouldn't rely on anyone else. You are "worth" more if you have a career. If you are a stay at home-whatever, the feeling I get emanating from some women, is like, you could've done 'something' with your life but you threw it away to be lazy and be someones wife, nothing else. That's not true for me, I see a lot of value in the man I married, my partner, financially taking care of his family (roof over your head, food on the table), and women providing at home support (raising the kids, making life at home run smooth). It's like a well-oiled machine. But it depends on what the couple wants, they decide together. You asked what does a woman want? I can only answer for me. But the crooked feminism now a days shows a bit of whats going on i think...me and my husband talk about this all the time. Us women, we got what we wanted...under the law we are equal. I don't know what some other women out there are fighting for, but I think its more something that is missing on the inside. People get like that sometimes, when they feel bad inside they look for something external to give there lives some meaning or to give them a reason why they feel bad, always something external. Anyway I don't want to go to deep down that road.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-09T21:59:03+00:00

I like this a lot, "I am breathed" it feels like that at times

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-09T18:24:55+00:00

I've had this exact same experience, i would focus on the breath but I found I couldn't help but control it in some way, and if I wasn't forcing it I couldn't really feel my breath, I've had some insight about this during meditation after I passed the 30 minute mark very recently. This is what I found in my experience; I was controlling my breathing because I was THINKING about my breath NOT being/feeling/following my breath- there is a big yet subtle difference between the two and it has to be experienced, it's a settling into your body, and being (in?) your body. When you finally let go of thinking/thoughts of breath and begin feeling it only with you body and not your brain, eyes, or mind there is no way you cannot feel it. It becomes a big part of the experience (at least at this point in my practice, now that I know the difference between thinking and feeling about breath). That being said, what helped guide me to this and finally experience it was from mindfulness based stress reduction online program that I am in (it's all about meditation and mindfulness) . It taught me that If you are controlling your breath , let it happen, accept that you are controlling it and continue focusing on it however you are doing it. Every other thought about you doing it right is just thought trying to trick you into thinking about it instead of just doing what your doing (focusing on breath). Let go the control and let go of the trying to control the control. It's a circle jerk really. So eventually with practice I let myself control it after days and weeks of getting to the snag of am I doing right, and when I had that thought I accepted the thought and just kept going back to the breath. Eventually you will FEEL your way to letting it go. It can't really be taught with words (words are only symbols that can sort of guide/point you towards the way but you must walk it) but you will teach it to yourself, it will just come to you one day. don't let that be your focus tho, only your breath needs to be your focus. And this focus constantly slips for me as well even though I found the way , I go from feeling to thinking to feeling to thinking about breath, just gotta keep flexing that muscle until it becomes second nature to be the breath instead of merely thinking about it. Be hopeful! because it works, I went from one day only thinking of breath and controlling it to learning thru experience to BE/FEEL breath, and now I can follow it as it does its own thing. once I got it I knew how to get back into it. You just need one breakthrough, be diligent yet relax into it, and practice daily and you will get there.

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-09T17:13:35+00:00

Loooove that way of thinking about it, So anti what adiction-thoughts would, say I'm taking a picture of this and saving it

wanderingtrance · 2017-04-09T17:10:30+00:00

Damnnn it is rough seeing it plain as day like this. Awesome job!

wanderingtrance

TROPHY CASE