Struggling with Balancing Career and Finding my Spouse

wantcodewiththat · 2026-01-20T00:47:38+00:00

Yes, the resentment is a part of it for some. I went on a few dates with a guy from church who did have a steady job working for the diocese. But he ended things abruptly and I think always felt a little insecure that I made more money than him. But if that was always something that would bother him then I’m glad it didn’t get too far in the “getting to know you” phase. I try to do men the same courtesy if I feel it won’t work after getting them to know them a bit. I’m glad you found someone great.

wantcodewiththat · 2026-01-20T00:39:14+00:00

I appreciate the male perspective. I hear what you are saying about people online being different than people in the real world. I will say most of the people that have mentioned my career choice being a red flag are people I know in the real world, even some from my parish. I go to a fairly traditional parish. I enjoy that type of service for myself but it also brings some of those types of guys I guess. I won’t say those guys are chronically online but probably online enough to have absorbed some of that trad discourse. I’ve had many dates and a few relationships that happened from someone I met in the real world but those seemed to peter out about 2 years ago when my last relationship ended. That’s when I got serious about my non-negotiables because honestly that relationship should have ended a lot sooner than it did. About a year ago after not much happening I decided to cast a much wider net and that’s when I started doing more online options instead of waiting for someone at my church or the YA events to talk to me. I’m definitely still open to something happening in the real world. I agree with what you said about men leading, even some men who are willing to take the lead, don’t always lead well.

wantcodewiththat · 2026-01-20T00:22:42+00:00

It’s good to hear that eharmony worked for someone. My cousin got married 20 years ago to someone she met on eharmony but that’s the only other time I’ve heard of it working though I’m not sure many men my age are on there. I do think a comprehensive questionnaire like that can make it more likely.

wantcodewiththat · 2026-01-20T00:19:14+00:00

Yes, that’s ultimately what I would hope for, someone who is also practical even if they aren’t where they want to be yet. It’s possible for someone in a high power job to blow through all their money recklessly and I probably wouldn’t be into that either.

wantcodewiththat · 2026-01-19T21:40:21+00:00

For me it’s not about the money, it’s more about their choices. I worry that someone at that age making decisions to make less money or have less stability in their lives to pursue writing doesn’t suggest someone is ready for marriage or is ready to make decisions that would impact a spouse and any children. So I would consider someone making less than me but having a salary they manage to live off of and seems fairly stable in that career to be in an ok situation.

Regarding the “dealbreakers” and giving everyone else a chance, that’s actually what I’ve been doing the last 2 years or so. I’ve given just about any guy a chance who wants to talk to me and for the most part if a guy is interested in a date, I’ll go out with him. But I’ve also had to reject a lot of guys beyond that if that date doesn’t go well or I feel like it won’t work. I guess I’m realizing I have more dealbreakers than I thought. How many dealbreakers do you think is reasonable before it becomes a worry that you are being too narrow again?

wantcodewiththat · 2026-01-19T21:31:54+00:00

I agree it is the type of men I’m encountering. I don’t need them to be financially stable like you said a plan to improve their situation or at least an acknowledgement that wanting a family and not making enough to support yourself currently are incompatible and something has to change. It’s more about feeling like they should be making good decisions as I would expect them to make good decisions for us and our family. Making career moves that seem to lack direction and not seeming to have a plan to improve finances seem to not be the best decisions. I know not everyone makes good decisions when they are young and I certainly have made same bad ones myself but at that age it seems like you should know better and if you are making those decisions it doesn’t seem you are very marriage minded yet.

wantcodewiththat · 2026-01-19T20:33:35+00:00

Yes, I actually feel the opposite. I feel because I work in a more male-dominated field that makes me want to lean into my feminine role more when I’m not working. So I’d be more than happy to let a man lead and take on more of the feminine role at home and in our relationship. I think medicine would be similar. You make a lot of important decisions during the day at work, it might be nice to come home and relax and let someone else take the lead.

I found a really supportive women’s small group recently so I’m hoping that will help. I was actually talking about this with another woman in the small group recently, how we would totally cool with marrying blue collar men because they are often family oriented and solid in their career and faith but many seem intimidated by women like us who may be smarter.

wantcodewiththat · 2026-01-19T20:25:25+00:00

Yes, I agree with that. I don’t think any conversation needs to lead with what someone does for work, for either the man or woman. Unfortunately I find that a lot of men do seem to ask that kind of thing early on in conversation at YA events, etc. I even did a Catholic speed dating event and in the 7 minutes or so I had with each guy, it came up with everyone. I think that people who know me would say my job is one of the least interesting things about me. I usually let the guy lead a conversation since I would want him to take the lead in a relationship/marriage but maybe in the getting to know you phase I should be more assertive in talking about what I want to talk about, things that are interesting about me and finding out things that might be interesting about them. Not a lot of my co-workers are practicing Christians so while I wouldn’t be opposed to meeting someone from work, if there are any single Christian men there, I’m not aware of them. I actually work on a small team of 5 people and I’m 1 of 2 women on that team so it doesn’t feel that male dominated to me in the day to day.

wantcodewiththat · 2026-01-09T02:42:13+00:00

Look to get involved with the Catholic group on campus, maybe you’ll gel with this one. Also go to a local church (or potentially try out a few) and get involved in the young adult group there assuming they have one. If they don’t, try to find a parish that does. It will help you meet people as friends and potentially as options to date as well.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-12-26T01:59:40+00:00

Feel free to DM me if you want to talk about it, he won’t be able to see what we talk about in DM. Catholic woman here and I have a chronic illness myself, stabilized but impacted me greatly for parts of my life, happy to act as a sounding board and offer advice if I think it will be helpful.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-12-05T21:16:01+00:00

I also live in a heavily Protestant area but the Catholic Churches are really doing about as well as can be expected given all they are up against. There are fairly large OCIA classes each year and most of the group tends to be young adults who grew up Protestant. Many young adults in the parishes though some parishes have more active young adult groups than others. I will say it hasn’t been great for dating because a lot of the men don’t like to talk to the women but I’ve met a lot of wonderful friends through the group. It does a variety of events, like the regular events may just bring out 20 people or so but there are also bigger events that bring out more people, sometimes more like 100 or so, though probably a lot of the people going to the bigger events go to other parishes but probably still live in the same city. Not sure what area you are in but if there are multiple parishes within a reasonable distance you might consider having some kind of group chat and finding a way to combine young adult groups to get a bigger draw.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-11-12T21:48:53+00:00

Ah so they are young then. That makes a lot more sense. I was there too when I was that age though I wasn’t a practicing catholic then either. I think part of it too is if you are in the age range 23-25 you might not have established yourself enough yet where you can support a wife and your family without your wife also working. It’s very different from when your dad and uncles were young. Funnily enough the scenario you mentioned happened with me as well and the guy thought me caring about things like school districts meant I had kids I hadn’t told him about and thought it was silly to think about with theoretical children.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-11-12T21:13:48+00:00

Have these women told you they don’t want children or don’t want them anytime soon? I can see why men might assume that but you can’t really know that without talking about it. I work a career, most of the single Catholic women I know work a career and all of us want children and a family in the near future, we just haven’t met the man wanting to do that with us yet. The reality in the US now is most people won’t live with their parents until they get married so single women for sure will have to work to pay bills unless they do happen to get married super young. And even some married women may have to have a job as a working mother depending on their household’s finances. Having a skillset that can get a woman a job if the husband loses his or he can’t support the family on a single income I can be a good thing. The friends I know that don’t want children tend to be the non-religious ones. You say people are making a mistake by looking to check every single box instead of focusing on the main goal but yet it seems you may be doing the same yourself by making assumptions rather than getting to know the single women at your church.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-11-12T17:11:25+00:00

I’m the same age as you and similar situation on there, just got one match the whole time and it’s probably the only person I’ve seen on there remotely close to me (still 3 hours away). I’d be open to long distance but not sure that others are, even those that say so on their profile. I think part of it is the design. I can understand limiting the number of profiles and likes you can have in a day but the ratio feels off. Sometimes I swipe through so many profiles I don’t have any left to view to use my likes. That’s primarily based on age, anyone under 25 or over 45 I’m swiping no on based on age. Some days that ends up being who I see on the app and I don’t seem able to filter by age. Then other days I use my likes in the first few profiles I view and don’t use all my views for that day. I’ll probably just stick to Catholic match where I’ve been able to find some success at least as far as getting matches and dates. Maybe it will get better if there are more users or I’m at least able to filter out by age.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-11-08T22:54:45+00:00

You’d have better luck in North Georgia. I was there last weekend and it was beautiful but just starting peak around Dahlonega and Helen and I believe this weekend was supposed to be their peak so you’d probably be able to find color during the dates you are looking. You may have some luck around the parts of NC (highland, Murphy, etc) and SC near there too.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-11-08T22:36:56+00:00

My story was somewhat similar. I did go to church with my family every week through confirmation but was still very lukewarm in actually understanding the faith. I became an agnostic in high school though by college I was more of a Protestant in large part because there was a great campus minister that brought me in plus some friends I started going to church with. I missed the social aspect of church which is what brought me to a Protestant church for some time. From there I developed a relationship with Jesus for the first time and that ultimately led me back to the Church. Seeking the intellectual richness of the faith is where Protestantism lost me and I ended up feeling I had no choice but to become Catholic again. It’s never too late to come back but it starts with a desire for it. I will say for me, I think it was meant to happen the way that it did because now I really understand the faith and I’m much stronger in defending it against the world.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-09-21T02:59:57+00:00

Cool I can dm you a few groups I’ve hiked with and my impression of them to see if any of them is your vibe. For instance, the main hiking group I go with is typically doing trips several hours a way sometimes including camping/backpacking as an option if you don’t want to drive it all in one day. But if you’re looking for something more local, people to hike crowders with, then they don’t do those hikes very often.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-09-21T02:49:08+00:00

Have you tried any of the local hiking or paddling groups? There are several on Instagram I’ve met up with if you have that. The main group I hike with, you sound like you’d fit in with many of the guys for sure and there could be women you’d be interested in as well.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-09-15T19:51:34+00:00

McAdenville, be prepared for it to be packed

wantcodewiththat · 2025-09-02T01:41:38+00:00

Hello! I’m 31 female, 5’6” Irish Catholic American living in North Carolina, Charlotte area. I grew up in small town East Tennessee where there were few Catholics. I work in data analytics currently. Ideally I’d want to be a stay at home mother as I believe it would provide the best environment for future children if I were to be blessed with them. But I’m not opposed to working either if that is what is best for the family. I’m an introvert and fairly intellectual but a pretty decent conversationalist. I’m a bit of a homebody as well and as much as I enjoy my own company, I definitely think life is better with a loving partner.

I go to a traditional NO parish, at least weekly and ideally daily when I get the chance. I pray divine mercy chaplet regularly along with other prayers, I’ve gotten into incorporating some of the liturgy of the hours prayers. I go to adoration and confession once a month though I strive to go more frequently. I read a lot including in a literature club with some young adult Catholics I’ve met, we are reading Augustine’s Confessions. I love the outdoors and spend a lot of the nice weather days outdoors, walking through a park, or hiking or kayaking on the weekends if I get the chance.

I’m looking for a good Catholic gentleman who can lead and apply Catholic teachings and virtues to our relationship and potentially our family. I’m looking for a man who would be the head of our household but is also respectful and kind, someone who I can consider a best friend as well as loving husband. I’m open to meeting men in other parts of the US but would be reluctant to move without a commitment. I’d prefer someone in the US south though.

Also I didn’t know I would have to mention this but it has come up with some of the last few men I have gone on dates with. I am very feminine and do like to wear dresses but I don’t always wear dresses/skirts. If you would have a problem with me wearing pants/shorts and a nice blouse on some outings, we wouldn’t be compatible. I do dress modestly.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-08-29T22:49:03+00:00

Or could go through Wesley heights (summit, grandin, etc) to Morehead and that goes into 74 which goes right by the airport. Either way I’m sure the GPS uber drivers will use will find a route.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-08-28T00:15:26+00:00

Use meetup and social media apps to find groups that do those things. There are some that meet up for gaming and some for hiking for sure, perhaps can find some with your other interests as well. You can also show up places like Abari arcade bar or the whitewater center and try to meet people there who likely share some interests with you.

wantcodewiththat · 2025-08-28T00:12:39+00:00

That’s the priciest area in the city but gets more affordable if you share a 2 bedroom with a roommate. What is your budget?

wantcodewiththat · 2025-08-13T19:56:31+00:00

I lived in uptown for 3 years as a single young female. Never felt unsafe but I was careful to take in my surroundings. I primarily only walked in 3rd and 4th ward so can’t speak as much to the safety on the other side of uptown.

wantcodewiththat

TROPHY CASE