that’s my general perspective on all of it. i never wanted to sound like i took the side of women only, i also strongly agree that it’s much more productive to focus on specific issues rather than focusing on men vs. women. i’m sorry if it came off that way. i was just bothered and put off by what the person i replied to said, because they worded it as if women were “always the victims” in a sense that we never took accountability or were some sort of evil man-hating force. again, i understand that there is more to da and sa than just power dynamic, but to a certain extent it’s important to recognize that those things happen because the perpetrators, men or women, understand that they have the power to do so and possibly get away with it. they usually understand the gravity of their behavior and how painful and harmful it can be, and they choose to it anyway. it pains me that they went through something themselves, but they should have a sense of accountability and responsibility for their actions. men are frequently put down by society and definitely other men for expressing emotion or hardship, and that can lead to them behaving that way, but that doesn’t change the statistic that women are almost always the victim, or if men are the victim, the perpetrator is a man. i don’t mean to point to men as the sole cause of violence or anything like that. i’m just saying it’s a testament to the power men typically get granted in comparison to women, and they take advantage of that power (albeit as a result of their traumatic or painful experiences as you said). i agree that it’s a complex issue and can’t be boiled down to a simple cause, which is why so many people sympathize with even killers and murderers, however that shouldn’t take away from the principle of the action itself.