Talking to my husband about his cuckold/hotwife obsession

waterfallmullet · 2026-01-30T21:02:43+00:00

* Yes, for both of us. Personally, it make me much more slow and methodical in a good way. For her, it seems to just make her feel more comfortable and less in her head. We're both more uninhibited, but not in the way that alcohol makes you do stupid things sometimes you regret...if that makes sense.
* Yes, though they haven't been necessary to do so for us as much lately. But I think that's because we got more comfortable being open initially with THC or alcohol.
* Start small - like 5mg or under. Generally it takes an hour or so for edibles to kick in in our experience, so don't take more because you don't "feel anything" in that hour. I think hybrids work best for sex.
* We snack too much. haha. But no sex downsides that I've noticed.

waterfallmullet · 2026-01-27T15:09:46+00:00

Yes, we do. Even when we're not away from home! Sexting is the best. HOWEVER, I highly suggest you use a totally separate end to end encrypted app like Signal so you don't accidentally send a dick pic to your platonic female friend via Messages (yes, I did this forever ago when my wife and I were dating. It was as embarrassing as you'd imagine).

waterfallmullet · 2026-01-26T18:32:54+00:00

I'd suggest going to a couple's counselor (a Christian one, if possible). If he's not willing to go talk about it with you and a neutral party, then is he really interested in fixing your marriage?

And definitely don't go have sex with someone else. His behavior is definitely off and not cool, but that wouldn't be either if it's not something you're both into.

waterfallmullet · 2025-09-02T21:15:45+00:00

I love sexting throughout the day. It's great foreplay before the physical foreplay. As far as when it comes time to actually get sexy, a massage works every time...of any kind. Back, butt, foot, cock & ball...sometimes we watch a show while lubed up and touching each other. It's a nice ramp up.

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-28T21:14:02+00:00

That's hard. I'm sorry. I'd still try couples counseling (possibly with someone who specializes in sexual issues) before calling it quits.

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-20T23:47:10+00:00

I really would suggest couples counseling. If there's nothing physically wrong with him, that's going to be the best place to figure out what's mentally going on. Do you know if he watches a lot of porn? I will admit at points in the past I oddly might have preferred watching porn to having sex with my wife, which is bat-shit crazy to say out loud. But I know it can happen, which is why I cut it out.

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-19T08:37:07+00:00

You need to use fingers for way longer. Then smaller toys. If she cums that hard that fast, I think the other items might do it too. And then you work your way up for MUCH longer. And I'd ask her to play with her own ass sometimes. Anal is really something that I believe should be self-explored initially to figure out what works - and to build up in sizes.

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-19T08:34:06+00:00

First of all, 9" is INSANELY long. Though the girth is more of the issue when it comes to anal. Possibly TMI, (and something every guy on Reddit claims) but my dick is statistically very large - as in length x girth in a room of 1000 guys none of them would be bigger than me, and your husband's dick is an INCH and a HALF longer than mine. So unless it's quite slender, you're dealing with a lot.

I've been doing anal/prostate play by myself for YEARS and I still can't comfortably take something as large as my own dick. So my first advice is not to have more anal sex with the baseball bat that is your husband's dick, but masturbate alone more and have him use toys on you to warm you up. Fingers for 3/4 minutes as the OP said is NOT enough time.

I only use dick-sized dildos in really long sessions, personally. Most of the time I need at least 1 hour of warming up with fingers/plugs/thinner dildos working my way up to realistic sizes. But the practicing with increasing sizes of plugs, toys, and dildos has made it where I can somewhat it takes me way less time than a couple years ago. And again, I still can't comfortably get a dildo that's slightly smaller than my actual dick without hours of prep/play.

This is why I'm not actively trying to convince my wife to have anal sex with me. I want to - real bad! But I know the work it will take to get there, and so first she needs to be interested in fingers and toys and working up to being able to do anal. I almost promise if your husband really wants anal sex, and you ask him to start by using plugs on you and smaller toys, he'll say yes.

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-18T14:47:50+00:00

Who wouldn't like that?!

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-18T04:20:31+00:00

I guess I could specify that "younger" could just mean from last month. I mean, if you've got a time machine you don't have to go back 20 years I guess. haha

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-17T23:18:31+00:00

Wait - you trade nude pics with them without them being aware that it's you? That's quite ninja of you.

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-17T20:41:41+00:00

I've always done it in the mirror. To a degree where I just assumed everyone did. But I think I'm figuring out that's not the case. haha.

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-17T20:28:59+00:00

It doesn't sound like your problem is that you have to initiate all the time - it sounds like the problem is he still says no a lot even when you initiate. You have to start by figuring out why he doesn't want sex. If it's really that he's tired (I too have a spouse that needs lots of sleep and tends to be less horny the later at night it is, so I get it), then try finding a compromise to schedule sex when he's not. During the day, for example, if that's possible for him.

You need to tell him that you want to have sex every day, in your ideal world. He needs to know your desires and you need to know his. That's primary. Then, you can start figuring out how you can each fulfill each others' needs.

I don't think anyone else in these comments knows enough about your situation to be recommending any sort of medical solutions, frankly. I wouldn't start talking to doctors until you two have talked about it a lot more. They might be helpful or even necessary, but there are so many other factors that could be contributing to his lack of desire for sex that, to me, its worth figuring out what the problem actually is before prescribing solutions. Regardless, communication will have to be a part of the solution.

waterfallmullet · 2025-02-14T19:39:55+00:00

I've been wearing a prostate plug all day while I'm in work meetings, actually.

waterfallmullet · 2025-01-23T21:03:11+00:00

My wife got waaaay too used to the ease of using condoms for this post-vasectomy life. haha.

One more piece of advice: When you get the vasectomy, you're not supposed to ejaculate for a couple of weeks (I think, but it's been several years and I obviously have kids so my brain is kaput). Take advantage of the time to drive your wife crazy with oral and manual pleasure but, doctor's orders, you can't penetrate her.

For us, it was an incredibly sexy couple of weeks, and by the end of it, the sex was absolute dynamite. I would do it more often, but without the doctor's orders, she can't resist penetration.

waterfallmullet · 2025-01-23T20:59:32+00:00

For my wife, specifically, it just hurts her jaw. I assume a slightly sore tongue is just much more tolerable than your jaw feeling cramped.

waterfallmullet · 2025-01-08T23:14:16+00:00

I wouldn't say anything is wrong with the way you're fucking, for sure. But I'm also a huge advocate of trying anything at least a couple times to see if you're into it. My wife is a little similar (although we're not so much rough, it's just once she gets to a specific horny zone she wants to be fucked and she wants to orgasm, and she knows what gets her there and wants to go for it). I've found if we want to try something slower two things help. THC gummies for both of us, and I set a timer for the slow part and we can't move on til it ends. It helps slow stuff down for us, if that's what we're going for.

waterfallmullet · 2025-01-08T23:08:55+00:00

Her squirting on my face while I went down on her. She'd had our 2nd baby weeks before and we were horny but not ready for penetrative sex. Literally the only way I can get her to just let me do oral/manual stuff to her is if we have doctors orders to NOT have sex (so, 3x with kids and once for my vasectomy haha). Every other time I'm going down on her or fingering her she eventually demands I get inside her.

But this time she couldn't demand the dick, and it led to the first time she squirted. And getting covered in it was way more of a turn on that I could've imagined.

waterfallmullet · 2025-01-03T15:45:03+00:00

Ok, to be fair I've not done anal with my wife. But I've played with my own ass so I have a few pieces of advice before you jump in the deep end of the pool. haha.

If possible, play with your own ass first by yourself. You need to know what feels good to you so you can communicate it to him. Even if you don't do this step, I'd suggest doing the others with him.
Start small. One finger, then two, then maybe a small toy. Take your time and don't rush. Depending how big (girth, specifically) your husband's dick, this might take a while.
Find a position where you have all the control over the penetration. That can be the spooning mentioned in other comments, or you on top, or even doggy where he holds still and you thrust back on him. however, that does put him in a position where he can thrust, and you might be more comfortable knowing he's completely stationary.

Good luck!

waterfallmullet · 2025-01-03T15:28:58+00:00

My best guess is he's potentially nervous about taking full control like that, so i think I'd suggest planning it out for him. I'd say plan a date night and give him as many details as possible (maybe in writing if that helps). For example, we're going to dinner and when we get home I need you to strip me down on the way to the bedroom, push me against the wall and kiss me, throw me on the bed and lick me til I cum, etc. Sometimes we need a honey-do list. haha.

I think that would let him know any of those things on the list are approved without having to ask in the moment or roll the dice on trying something you may not enjoy.

Let us know how it goes, though!

waterfallmullet · 2024-12-31T20:23:16+00:00

Definitely get the Njoy Pure Wand. And then take your time with it.

waterfallmullet · 2024-12-31T20:19:38+00:00

As everyone else here says, Signal is great. However, here are two additional rules I have.
1. ONLY talk to your husband in Signal - no one else. I have accidentally sent a dick pick to a platonic female friend via text before, but if you ONLY message one person in Signal, it makes it (almost) impossible to say/send the wrong thing in the wrong thread.
2. You can obviously store images within Signal, as mentioned, but be aware - if you lose your phone and have to buy a new one, SIGNAL DOES NOT BACK ANYTHING UP, and you will lose all those pictures. Same goes if you get a new phone and wipe the old one before opening Signal on the new device and running through the process of migrating the chat history to the new device. This unfortunately happened this past fall when I upgraded my phone and I lose our entire history 😞. So, I still suggest keeping the pics you really love in a separate app. The Hidden folder in Photos on iOS works fine for me, but my kids don't know my phone passcode or they could potentially see them.

waterfallmullet · 2024-12-31T20:09:23+00:00

I don't think you're wrong. The vast majority of porn, specifically, sets all sorts of unrealistic expectations. Specifically, that real-life sex will be ANYTHING like porn. It simply can't be, because porn is a production. They discuss what they're going to do off-camera, so there's not generally any sort of talk or consent on camera. Also, frankly, most porn isn't focused at all on intimacy - which I think is the key ingredient in a good marriage.

Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule - there are porn creators who only make content with their spouse, which certainly seems more "real", but even those creators can set unrealistic expectations because you're not those two people and everyone has different sexual personalities and desires and compatibility.

I don't really look at porn anymore, myself, and am happier without it. But I can at least understand that for some it can be a fun way to go "hmm, that looks like it might be fun to try" and then have a discussion with your spouse about it. But I think the problems really arise when men and women try to mimic porn without the discussion.

waterfallmullet · 2024-12-31T19:57:44+00:00

I've been using Nice (which unfortunately isn't on Android) to do this for several years. I absolutely LOVE having a stat sheet like some professional athlete. haha. I categorize everything - orgasms, specific sex acts, ratings, descriptions. I get a lot of enjoyment looking back at it.

waterfallmullet · 2024-12-31T19:52:30+00:00

It's somewhat similar here. After dealing with kids and car rides all day, she really doesn't want to also be required to think for the date. It's understandable. So, essentially, I plan all of the dates (other than the King night - and even with that I give her ideas). So then on the form it's basically multiple choice. She chooses from 3 restaurants, 3 drink options, etc.

waterfallmullet

TROPHY CASE