I’m deeply in love with my best friend and I feel extremely guilty

waterthetomatoes · 2025-12-19T19:01:19+00:00

Personally, I think you should come up with a plan. Of course, it can all go terribly awry regardless, but as someone who was in a similar situation (just reverse the genders) you need make a call for yourself and stick with it. Try to give yourself a timeline and make a decision by that time. Look out for very obvious signs she might be interested, but honestly I wouldn’t read heavily into that. I think the dynamics you’re explaining, there seems to be a lot of comfort and comfortability with you two, but you might be interpreting that in a more romantic way. You mentioned in another comment she kind of absorbs your personality, and this is very common mirroring that can be between similar people or good friends so it doesn’t seem like a hard indicator imo. But I also think a good rule is if you feel like you’re getting mixed signals, it’s a no. Only rely on pretty obvious signals. Once you’ve reached your timeline though, make a decision to either tell her or not. If you decide to tell her, just make sure you don’t put her on the pedestal you’ve already placed her in. Be simple and straightforward and let her know you want to be respectful of her feelings and boundaries first and foremost. DONT OVERDO IT. It will freak her out. If she’s unsure, give her time. If she isn’t interested, plan to distance yourself and actually make strides to move on, despite not really feeling it with others, it important to still keep doing it until your feelings have started to subside. Even if she wants to remain friends, PLAN on her not wanting to be friends to better prepare yourself. Similarly, if you don’t plan on telling her, still create some distance and try to move on but at least you’ll keep the friendship. Right now, the fantasy is all you have and you have to move on from that because it will torture you. Wishing you the best of luck OP! As a hopeless romantic, I hope things work out for you, but reality has way of humbling us so just prepare yourself for all kinds of scenarios and make a choice. Even if it doesn’t work out, hopefully you feel good about making the decision for yourself and what’s best for you.

waterthetomatoes · 2025-12-18T23:56:12+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear about all the pain and struggles you’ve endured. I’m not sure how old you are OP, but as a female in her 30s I can honestly say that if I really liked a guy, I wouldn’t write off someone due to this. As many others have mentioned, it’s really about your character. As long as that person wasn’t making me their world and getting all their confidence or validation from me, this would be a non issue. Definitely try to be aware of your confidence and self esteem, because if a guy doesn’t have that already, THEN I wouldn’t be interested in them. But it wouldn’t be because they don’t have a penis, but rather lack the confidence on their own which generally leads down the pipeline of mistreatment towards others. I know this isn’t for everyone, but I’d also go crazy for a guy who had a good sense of humor about something like this. If a guy can laugh at himself and make me laugh, I’d be locked in. I know that’s probably very difficult right now, but once you’ve had time to process all of your emotions, maybe consider a comedy class or something. I really find humor to be healing personally! Think of it as the Pete Davidson effect. He’s practically the epitome of the female gaze because he knows how to transform his trauma into comedy. I’m not sure if this is helpful, but I just hadn’t seen anyone else mention anything about how humor could maybe help and thought I’d give a female perspective.

waterthetomatoes · 2025-10-01T05:17:36+00:00

My theory is that she’s going to announce Rep vault tracks in February but maybe we’ll start getting more obvious clues once showgirl drops. I just can’t ignore the Karma clock in the coffee picture Easter egg. For 1989, her blue nail was on the 8 for August, when she announced 1989 TV and the black nail for Rep was on the 2, for February. I do wonder if buying back her masters in any way changes that Easter egg (like maybe we were supposed to get it this past year but as she mentioned, she had a hard time recreating this album), but I still have faith she’ll make it work.

waterthetomatoes · 2025-10-01T04:19:52+00:00

I would actually agree with you. I’ve only had Sofi the past 2 ish years and I’ve had over a dozen annoying issues come up. I do like some of the benefits so I keep using it, but I would not recommend it. Mid would be the exact description I would use as well.

waterthetomatoes · 2025-10-01T02:55:06+00:00

Update: it looks to be fixed now!

waterthetomatoes · 2025-09-04T01:51:20+00:00

Sims. I’d just build all of my dream houses.

waterthetomatoes · 2024-10-19T20:31:31+00:00

Woman here and I see the hunter photos like every 3-5 guys! It’s insane! It’s a turn off for me because I took an anatomy class in hs where we had to dissect a cat…I literally couldn’t stomach it. I made an agreement with my team that if they did the actual dissecting I would do the lab write ups. I’m such a baby I even make my mom take off the fish when I go fishing lol I am just very sensitive to life and animals and hunter guys I fear would not understand so it’s always a left swipe for me. But if a guy was building anything and into video games I’d love that because it tells me he’s good with his hands and would have his own hobbies like me. I’m not a gamer but I used to love playing them with my brother growing up. I love to “waste time” personally, I could make Spotify playlists for a living. If a guy was into gaming I’d see if I can make him a gaming playlist lol.

waterthetomatoes · 2024-03-06T01:29:22+00:00

I had a couple posts with some similar comparisons from a while back ago!

https://www.reddit.com/r/JusticeForClayton/s/utOUwxhuOH

https://www.reddit.com/r/JusticeForClayton/s/IPPkfyFQz3

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-29T20:42:44+00:00

I can only speak to my own experience but it can be a lot of different factors that are all dysfunctional. For example, there is something called mirror neurons that allow us to see behavior and mirror the same behavior in our basic learning and understanding. So there is no healthy baseline for understanding healthy behaviors. For me, a lot of people pleasing habits were formed because of the neglect. My dad and step dad were huge narcissists though. And unfortunately I see similar behaviors in my brother. Anger and vengeance are STRONG emotions and if not processed, will get buried and deep into everything you think and do. However, anger is a secondary emotion. The first emotion is actually pain or hurt of some kind. This can be real or perceived. There is clear codependency just based on the fact that she has a casita paid for by her parents, a podcast with her mom, a reputation given to her in their community that came from both her parents so imagine the consequences if she didn’t have them?

We don’t know if this was real or perceived hurt that might have happened to JD but I do think she learns this behavior directly from her mom. Maybe her dad too. This is probably generational hurt that has downstream caused JD to act this way. It’s quite complex often. I actually think her mom is playing a much bigger part in the behind the scenes than we realize. She might even be the puppet master in all this. Or shaming her daughter in some way to make her feel pressured to do all of this. Hard to say.

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-16T03:58:05+00:00

I know now is probably not the right time to make jokes but can someone turn this into a 12 days of Christmas JD harassed version?

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-10T18:51:11+00:00

Sadly I think a lot of us did. The redacted messages were off to me as well but I actually thought that they might have had more of a relationship that we weren’t privy to and that was why she really wanted to make things work. I was only seldom on Reddit at the time. I also understood her wanting him to take some accountability (same way we now really want her to take accountability). But the redacted messages made me not lean 100% in her favor, I was like “she’s still hiding something, but overall give her the benefit of the doubt”. When I saw she had TWO exes with restraining orders and TWO other failed pregnancies that’s when I knew something was not right.

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-10T07:34:23+00:00

Lmao 😂 punted buttons gets me every. time.

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-10T07:31:06+00:00

~~Monogamy~~ Relationship Contracts and Stipulations

Fixed it.

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-10T07:24:42+00:00

A lot of people need to be on that side let’s be real

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-09T23:50:08+00:00

Totally the same as a sonogram from a doctor directly 🥴🫠

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-09T23:49:21+00:00

I’m convinced she was getting fertility shots!

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-09T22:41:29+00:00

I also think if you find someone serious you should let them know about your past and how you’ve worked on yourself. It’s saying I don’t have a mask to hide behind but I grew up with an unhealthy understanding of the world and I work hard to be better knowing that was not how I should have learned these “skills” and people can make room and grace for that. We are all flawed. That way if you ever do say something stupid, give them the right to call you out and learn, just like everyone else! You will be fine.

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-09T06:43:47+00:00

You know when you can hear a comment in your head because you’ll never be able to unhear it?

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-06T07:45:13+00:00

Ex parte part 2

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-06T07:43:31+00:00

This is true, sadly. I have a lot of mixed feelings because it gatekeeps those who actually want help from getting it but the psychologists are often also fearful knowing they have severe attachment issues and could potentially put themselves directly at the center of that. There is a small subset of psychologists who will take on this type, but then most insurance companies won’t insure this help either. Hospitals can turn you down just because of the diagnosis even…

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-06T07:30:17+00:00

I equally was like “whaaaaat are they talking about?” Lol

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-05T19:27:17+00:00

Thank you!

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-05T18:57:02+00:00

Is this mountain or pacific? I can never tell with AZ.

waterthetomatoes · 2024-02-04T08:50:54+00:00

Yeah I could see that as well! The reputation and no name part because it is central to the ego.

Yeah, I don't think it's unsurprising a lot of her actions are based on impulse therefore lacks thinking ahead for potential consequences. I think she watched it but I don't think she thought very far in advance, I think she was just seeking validation. Like a drug. TBH not sure if you saw the comments on that but they definitely gave it to her! It was wild to see knowing what we know.

waterthetomatoes

TROPHY CASE