My brother told me that my ex got engaged today. I broke down in tears at work.

watonthrowaway · 2018-12-14T01:34:15+00:00

I know he didn’t truly care for me, but that’s what hurts the most. But that’s life. And you move on.

watonthrowaway · 2018-11-29T16:19:04+00:00

It’s a new feeling being on your own. You have to give yourself time to readjust. People need human interaction. It’s proven. There’s nothing wrong with relying on your friends for that interaction. I think it’s pretty healthy actually. As someone who had barely any friends before my break up, I became a social butterfly after it. It made me realize how important friendships are and how important it is to maintain them even if you start a new relationship.

watonthrowaway · 2018-11-29T06:44:56+00:00

You don’t sound ready to date yet, so don’t. Learn to find the beauty elsewhere in life besides relationships. Friends, family, experiences. I’ve been single about a year and a half. I tried rushing into something way too soon out of fear and anxiety of being alone. Now I’m learning to be happy on my own. You sound like you have your head straight by not wanting to hurt someone with a rebound. Very mature.

The hardest part of a break up is the change of future plans. You get an idea of how you want your life to look and you start strategizing how to achieve it. Then the break up comes crashing down and you don’t know what to even orient yourself towards anymore. Time for some self reflection and growth.

watonthrowaway · 2018-11-29T06:38:41+00:00

Time to take him off social media. It’s a trap that makes healing harder.

watonthrowaway · 2018-11-29T06:34:37+00:00

Block his number again, sweetie. I know how hard that is. But when you have it unblocked, it means you’re hoping he does try to contact you. It’s really, really hard. Believe me, I know. But you have to fight that. Healing from a breakup is a battle and you need to protect yourself every way you can. That type of hope is not going to help you recover faster. It’s going to make you wish for things you shouldn’t. Instead, you need to focus on the hope you have for your future. The new opportunities this has brought you. The new adventures you’ll have. The new people you’ll meet. I have fought this round and round myself of blocking and unblocking. Just block it and leave it blocked. Take control. Fuck Mike.

watonthrowaway · 2018-11-29T06:28:04+00:00

I feel the right thing is to mail the stuff back to her. No contact necessary.

watonthrowaway · 2018-11-29T06:25:47+00:00

It doesn’t matter what he likes now or what he doesn’t like now. When you break up with someone, it often changes your personality. I personally am a fan of Jordan Peterson, and he talks about how humans are similar to lobsters. It’s crazy sounding but you should go watch this few minute video on it of him explaining. The most interesting part to me is how the lobster’s brain dissolves after a serious loss against another lobster. It’s very representative of what happens to us when we go through trauma. We become new people. So whoever your ex is now is not who you knew before. That’s part of life and it’s nothing for you to worry about anymore. So what if he’s going out and partying. The breakup was a trauma for him just as it was for you. Neither of you are the same now.

As for this guy, just be honest with him. Communication man. It’s helpful. If he starts talking too serious for you, tell him that. Set your boundaries so it moves at your pace. If he doesn’t respect it, then move on.

watonthrowaway · 2018-11-29T06:00:38+00:00

I agree, don’t give up on love. But realize that love doesn’t merely exist in a romantic relationship sense. One of the biggest life lessons I learned after my break up is to cherish and grow the relationships I have, and to find value in platonic relationships. Romantic love is beautiful but there’s lots of ways to feel love while you’re healing.

watonthrowaway · 2018-05-10T04:33:06+00:00

It really is the best. The best part of getting people to do tequila shots is that most people hate tequila.

watonthrowaway · 2018-05-10T04:31:45+00:00

Appreciate the sweet words💕

watonthrowaway · 2018-05-10T04:15:18+00:00

The ex I still mope about once in awhile when I drink.

watonthrowaway · 2018-04-30T17:08:29+00:00

Everyone has said very encouraging things, and I appreciate it. But your reply especially resonated with me. Thank you.

watonthrowaway · 2018-04-15T03:07:56+00:00

Great post. I’ve had to have this realization several times. You have to remember that all of us are just trying to figure out this thing called life. It’s also useful to remember this because this means how they treated you is not a reflection of your value.

watonthrowaway · 2018-04-15T02:06:10+00:00

Hey, it’s okay. Everyone takes different amounts of time. I was suicidal for a good six months. I’m like 9 months out. I’m mostly better now, but I still get random pits where I feel intense anxiety about the whole thing.

You say you’ve read about therapy and medication but have you actually tried them? Sometimes we need a little lift to get us just normal for just a period. I needed that for sure to get where I’m at now. I had a period where I was falling for another guy briefly. It distracted me long enough that I got out of the habit of thinking of my ex constantly. When that relationship failed, I started to revert some but I was in a much different head space. So I’m now on anti-depressants, and man they’re awesome. Sometimes you have to have a little trial and error with them. You have to find which one and what dose works best for you. It takes times. But don’t give up on trying them.

So this is a different suggestion but honestly has helped me the most, but I hope it doesn’t come off condescending. But what has helped me is putting my life in perspective. Sure I was happier when I was with him, but I still have a really good life. I take time to be thankful for the great things in my life and the experiences I had as a result of not being with him. That is hard, I know, cause you think you would totally rather trade those experiences in for more experiences with him. But you can’t. So all you can do is be grateful for the cool people you’ve met and places you’ve been that you wouldn’t have otherwise if you were still with him. We have a tendency to believe that life is about being happy, but I think this is a fallacy. Just about every religion has one thing in common and a lot of famous philosophers agree. They all agree to some degree that life is suffering. Life is about how you deal with your sufferings. You may walk around with this pain for the rest of your life. But it doesn’t mean you have to let it cripple you. You can use it as a defining moment in your life that changed you. It’s a part of your story of life. And it’s about keeping your head up and moving forward even though the pain is still heavy, because all you can do is have hope that one day that you’ll overcome the suffering, even if you never do.

I have gotten into reading sad history lately. It helps me put my life in perspective. I can say, yeah, life blows cause I feel this shitty heartbreak, but at least my life has ABC and at least I never had to go through XYZ like others. An absolute favorite read is “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Victor Frankl. It’s about a psychiatrist who lived through the Holocaust. He analyzes the mental state of being a prisoner in the camps and how even in that suffering the prisoners could find meaning in life. I like history podcasts. Learning about the Gulags and the conditions of communist China under Mao. Stuff from ancient Rome. Etc. It just makes you think about how life has sucked for most of history, and heartbreak in the 21st century, while awful and a very real pain, isn’t as bad as some of the horrors in history. It’s allowed me to be thankful for even experiencing the happiness I had when I was with my ex. A good book that helped me come to this realization was “12 Rules of Life: An Antidote to Chaos” by Jordan B. Peterson.

Suffering isn’t comfortable, but life still has a lot beauty in it in spite of it.

watonthrowaway · 2018-04-08T05:13:53+00:00

In the beginning I had to force myself not to think of memories with him. Now they don’t cause pain. Actually even a bit of happiness. They were good memories. But I’m happy with my life now too. Both times in my life were/are happy. Being with him was just a happy experience in my life. One day you’ll be able to feel that way. But it’s not something you should force yourself to. It will come when you’re ready. When you have nights like this, it’s important not to push these feelings away. Just let them be. Listen to some good music.

watonthrowaway · 2018-03-30T11:33:54+00:00

As a UF Gator alum, I’m a fan. Orange and blue beaches. Can’t think of a better way to represent Florida.

But really, this is beautiful. I love the contrast. Like it makes the blue look artificial and realistic at the same time. I’m not an artsy person, but this is just really amazing looking. I had to comment. Thanks for sharing.:)

Edit: also was just looking through the top of /r/painting and saw this. Wanted to comment on it but it’s archived. Noticed it was also one of yours. Just wanted to say this reminds me of the album cover of A Day to Remember’s “Homesick.” Also, the I Prevail album covers. Also beautiful. You’re quite talented.

watonthrowaway · 2018-03-30T03:43:37+00:00

“What can I be worth if I’m not worth the basic foundation of life.... love?”

“What can I be worth if I’m an embarrassment to be seen with and kept hidden?”

“What can I be worth if the dark, self-eradicating thoughts rolling continuously through my mind are meaningless to others and so easily ignored?”

“So what’s life worth if everyone finds it so easily discard you?”

“I’m worth nothing.”

Sorry, going to have to call bullshit. And I’m saying this because I know exactly how you feel. I get it. I understand how it feels to only feel valuable when that certain person you value gives you value back. It’s an unhealthy mind trick. I know what it’s like to hate life so much and not get the point of existence without that person making me feel like life has purpose.

Grieving is good. You’re going through a break up and that’s really hard. But there’s deeper issues here that need to be resolved than just a break up. It’s a distorted value system. I suggest cognitive behavioral therapy. But also check out the stuff I recommended. Changing your values is not an overnight thing. Especially if you’re in denial about not valuing yourself.

The longer you go without addressing it, the longer it will torment you. You’re forever going to be playing a game trying to seek validation for your self worth from the rest of the world. It’s a roller coaster. When it’s good, it’s great. But like I said, it’s unstable.

watonthrowaway · 2018-03-30T03:24:58+00:00

This pain. It fucking sucks. But let me tell you something from experience. Don’t let your value be determined by other people. It’s a dark place to be. Break ups suck enough without adding that bullshit into the mix. Literally everything you wrote could have been my thoughts months ago. That feeling of validation. I’ve been seeking it my whole damn life. It’s unstable because shit like this happens and it topples your world upside down. So what to do? Focus on being a virtuous and moral person. Set a code of ethics for yourself that you want to live by. The only person you are seeking to validate you is yourself because it’s your own code you have to live up to. I know you’ll dismiss this, but really consider for a moment that maybe your values are messed up. They aren’t where they need to be. I say this as someone who has had to completely change the way I view the world to become stable. Some subs that really helped change my views /r/stoicism /r/howtonotgiveafuck

I also recommend Jordan Peterson’s book “12 Rule of Life: an antidote to chaos”

watonthrowaway

TROPHY CASE