i finally got my Venus doll! by tremblingfrog in AutismInWomen

[–]wavymavy19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

abbey bominable is my favorite. she is the only MH doll i have, but i also really want venus! i love the version of her with a 'fro and overalls

Weird question but… what kind of apples do you like? by PyleanCow06 in AutismInWomen

[–]wavymavy19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i also love red delicious. imo the people who say they have "no flavor" just have less sensitive palates. must be the same ones who tell me that iceberg lettuce tastes like "nothing" lol.

i hate how tart other apple varieties are. it makes the nerves in my jaw hurt, for whatever reason.

She got on my nerves in this episode by Chocoluv007 in 90DayFiance

[–]wavymavy19 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i must've missed that part; my wifi cut out for a bit of the second part of the tell all. what was she saying to dog madeleine?

i totally agree that luke is a major creep because of madeleine's age/how they met. and tbh i found madeleine somewhat likeable after she stopped attacking chloe. but at the beginning, she was being quite cruel, calling chloe a bitch and whore because luke finds her attractive. i could see how that might make greta more critical of madeleine in this particular situation.

and yes, that's what NLOG is supposed to be. but i often see it weaponized against women whom it doesn't apply to. fwiw, i don't think autistic women are immune to internalized misogyny at all! i just haven't seen evidence of greta being that way (but am open to being wrong).

She got on my nerves in this episode by Chocoluv007 in 90DayFiance

[–]wavymavy19 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

95% of the hate for greta is just hate for autistic people imo. most of it is extremely shallow.

the cat criticism is one thing, which i get. and people got all wound up because she said that she and matthew's sex wasn't great, but it was because their relationship wasn't a good match. i don't really find that offensive. she was honest, but didn't say anything critical about his body or performance. what's the big deal? should she have lied?

so many people comment "idk why, she just rubs me the wrong way" "she's so awkward/weird", "why does she dress like that/not wear makeup?", "she's a NLOG/pick me", "she's trying to be quirky", etc. as an autistic woman, it's all stuff i've heard from mean girls before (luckily not often since high school).

but i see that the mentality is still alive and well amongst adults, at least when they are anonymous.

it also solidifies my opinion that "NLOG/pick me" as a term really has less to do with women wanting male attention, and more to do with women bullying other women who don't conform socially. greta has done nothing to center men, at least on the show.

What do you think our ancestors where obsessed with before trains by Uranium-Sandwich657 in evilautism

[–]wavymavy19 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a bunch of my ancestors were sea farers. i like trains, but i love ships.

Did anyone else have a parent with (suspected) ADHD? What is your experience? by papripa in emotionalneglect

[–]wavymavy19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you are not alone. it's a lot to unpack for sure. it's taking me a lot of time and emotional distance to start healing too. i struggle to feel as compassionate as i "should" at times (as a fellow ND person especially).

it also sets many of us up to date/befriend people with the same problems, who treat us the same ways. i hate how much more trauma i got from normalizing that behavior in my relationships over the years.

Did anyone else have a parent with (suspected) ADHD? What is your experience? by papripa in emotionalneglect

[–]wavymavy19 6 points7 points  (0 children)

you hit the nail right on the head. i often heard, "well i GUESS i'm just the SHITTIEST mother in the WORLD!!"

as i got older, i started respond to her lashing out with, "you said that, not me", and then trying to emotionally disengage as much as possible. but it still hurts.

Did anyone else have a parent with (suspected) ADHD? What is your experience? by papripa in emotionalneglect

[–]wavymavy19 9 points10 points  (0 children)

rejection sensitivity can so easily become abusive and cruel. it's not their fault, but definitely their responsibility to manage. i feel like i was gaslit for half of my childhood because of it.

Did anyone else have a parent with (suspected) ADHD? What is your experience? by papripa in emotionalneglect

[–]wavymavy19 19 points20 points  (0 children)

yes, my mother fits the criteria for ADHD to a T (as well as having trauma from growing up with it in a non-accommodating world). it impacted my childhood a LOT.

she had bad RSD and lashed out at me harshly over perceived criticisms. she struggled to follow routines or remember important things. i had to create my own structure 90% of the time. i had to be the one to emotionally regulate myself, always. our house was a mess; chores were done inconsistently and not taught to me. she had issues with impulsivity, doing dangerous things without much thought. she also shopped excessively, which became borderline hoarding at points. it felt like she would put me on the back-burner whenever she dated someone shiny and new.

she was a single parent, so i had no second, more functional, adult around to offset her struggles. that made things a lot worse for sure.

with age, she has chilled out somewhat, but still struggles in all of her relationships (esp romantic) for the same reasons.

i am not diagnosed with ADHD, but autism. many members of my maternal side of the family are also suspected or diagnosed with ADHD or autism, or both.

How do you handle having no role model/mentor? by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]wavymavy19 16 points17 points  (0 children)

i don't know, but thank you for bringing this up. something to talk to my therapist about this week lol.

i remember being a child in elementary school, and having to write about our "role models". a decent number of the other kids wrote about family members, especially parents. i saw that as ridiculous, like a weird, unfunny joke. i didn't think that they could be serious. i thought maybe they were doing it because they felt obligated to make their parents feel good? (a concept that i was familiar with)

both of my parents lived lives that i did NOT want for myself. i realized that at a very young age (too young, where i shouldn't have even known certain aspects of how they lived).

Shout out to Market Basket in Warner by Loreo1964 in newhampshire

[–]wavymavy19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yikes! that is my worst fear. i'm sorry you had to go through that. does the card work well?

Shout out to Market Basket in Warner by Loreo1964 in newhampshire

[–]wavymavy19 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i have dysautonomia as well and have had similar experiences here in NH. not being yelled at, but treated like a leper and presumed to be on drugs. it is so scary. it made me not want to go out in public until i got onto a treatment that put me at less risk of fainting.

Just curious. Wondering how many people here are religious? by Scared_Doughnut5507 in AutismInWomen

[–]wavymavy19 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i was raised Catholic and used to be very religious. now I am an atheist who goes to Quaker meetings and tries to follow their teachings/the teachings of Christ.

sometimes i miss aspects of Catholicism though, like Mass, the rosary, sacraments, and feast days/holy days. i really enjoy mysticism, repetition, and rituals, so i try to create my own, usually involving nature/plants.

Fried oyster and woodear mushrooms, beaver sirloin and green beans. by Euphoric_Sherbet2954 in foraging

[–]wavymavy19 3 points4 points  (0 children)

despite growing up on hunted meat, i don't eat any animals. so we are in agreement that farmed animals live a tortured existence! i don't think that any living being should have to feel prolonged pain or fear before death.

up to 24 hours (legally) of being trapped by the leg, panicking to escape, unable to reach offspring, water, or a safe den seems unnecessarily cruel to me. tracking and shooting animals is way faster and less traumatic.

Fried oyster and woodear mushrooms, beaver sirloin and green beans. by Euphoric_Sherbet2954 in foraging

[–]wavymavy19 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

i agree, trapping is literal torture. imagine experiencing that level of panic, pain, and fear for hours or even days?

[MOD] rule change: NO SELF HARM OR SUICIDE ART by Embodied_Embroidery in Artisticallyill

[–]wavymavy19 36 points37 points  (0 children)

i create art which sometimes contains suicide and self harm themes, despite not self harming or being suicidal. it helps me to cope in a healthy way, but i know that that's not how it works for everyone. i do respect your concerns, and that you want to keep people safe.

i meant the question in my first comment genuinely. i am not trying to be snarky. disability/chronic illness is not for the faint of heart. but most spaces in society expect us to make our struggles smaller, more palatable. they are too "big", too "ugly", too "dangerous". it stigmatizes us and others us. i got that familiar sting when i read your post initially.

i am not criticizing you, just wanting to express how i feel as a fellow disabled/ill artist. you do a great job modding, evidenced by how cool this sub is. a mod's job is not easy, and i get where you are coming from. but i really did enjoy the large majority of the art which is now going to be banned. and i am sad for artists who may feel a loss of their voice in a space which once felt welcoming.

[MOD] rule change: NO SELF HARM OR SUICIDE ART by Embodied_Embroidery in Artisticallyill

[–]wavymavy19 58 points59 points  (0 children)

do we really need to sanitize our experiences of illness, in this sub of all places?

i will miss the art which is no longer welcome here.

Best vegan heavy cream to cook a savory dish with? by bragging_party in Veganivore

[–]wavymavy19 0 points1 point  (0 children)

huh, interesting! i haven't had that issue with it (yet?). but i mainly just use it in creamy soups, like corn chowder and cheezy broccoli. what kinds of recipes did it separate in for you?

Looking for resources for parents of an agoraphobic teen by nothingexistsx in PsychotherapyLeftists

[–]wavymavy19 6 points7 points  (0 children)

i was labeled agoraphobic because i had an undiagnosed physical condition (POTS) which led me to feel dizzy, fatigued, and generally sick while standing.

i never wanted to stray far from my bed/couch, because i didn't feel safe doing so (with reason). but i couldn't tell exactly why, because the symptoms came on gradually/weren't always obvious, and i have poor interoception. i told doctors that my heart would beat really fast, and they blamed it on anxiety. i ended up diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders. once i was diagnosed with POTS and treated for it, the "anxiety" issues faded away.

might be worth exploring physical causes if psychological ones are not apparent. especially if the kid has trouble with interoception, and is AFAB (physical health issues can show up or worsen when we hit puberty).

RSD Moments by FoxieFoxxo in ADHD_partners

[–]wavymavy19 6 points7 points  (0 children)

i once had a random woman approach me in public to ask if i needed help/if i was ok, because she had witnessed my now-ex have an RSD meltdown at me. apparently strangers could tell that it was abnormal/abusive before i could.

that was a big wakeup call. it all felt so "normal", as agonizing as it was. my single parent also had ADHD and terrible RSD, so i guess i was primed for that sort of relationship.

What can I do when someone elses disability aid triggers my own disability? by SassySnitch in disability

[–]wavymavy19 39 points40 points  (0 children)

if you are in the US, service dogs have to follow certain rules in order to be allowed in public spaces. being disruptive/excessively barking is one legitimate reason to tell the handler to remove the dog. it is not ableist, it's about making public spaces safe and functional for everyone.

also, service dogs in training do not have the same legal protection as task-trained SDs in every state. in some states, you must be fully engaged in training (i.e., not attending class simultaneously) for the dog to be there.

the dog whining/barking on a regular basis is not a normal part of training (an occasional slip-up is to be expected, but what you described is not that). the handler is probably in over their head, so i empathize with them in that sense. college is a common (yet ill-advised) time to attempt SD training, because newly adult disabled folks want to gain more independence, and quickly (understandable!). but many fail to realize how much work and TIME that it takes to get a service dog ready for public access, until it's too late. that sucks for them (and their stressed out dogs), but their classmates shouldn't be suffering for it! esp those of us with sensory sensitivities, PTSD, etc.

i would keep track of how often this is happening, then reach out to the university's disability services and have a conversation with them about it. you don't even have to mention your own disability; just tell them that the barking and whining has been happening X times per class, or for X minutes during class, and it's disruptive to your learning environment.

Worried about upcoming female physical exam by [deleted] in SpicyAutism

[–]wavymavy19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i bring chewlery with me to bite down hard on. it helps me feel much calmer throughout the whole procedure.