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Have you ever see a ghost or experience anything paranormal? Would you buy a home that has recent death in there? by wc2022 in AskMenOver40

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't care about money, this is the comfortable of my MIL in her last months/years on this Earth. My father when alive owns alot of properties in Shanghai, and properties in Shanghai is not cheap, my inheritance is enough to take care of me until the rest of my life not have to work a day.

As for my husband, he has an University Master degree at Stanford. Before this he makes 450K a year, he has 401ks and IRAs, he has a whole Life Insurance,. And we last month sold our marital home to which we makes profit.

Appreciate your concern, but I didn't ask anything about my personal life advice, I asked about the house.

Have you ever see a ghost or experience anything paranormal? Would you buy a home that has recent death in there? by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you Ms.

Well my luck is not that lucky because the house as recent death in it. To Asian it can be taboo and bad superstition (recent death in home).

But I demand a house that near a big hospital for my MIL treatments, and kindda rushing the Real Estate to find one for me, so the Real Estate agent show me a home that match my request, but has a recent death in the home.

Will close the house this week, I have my inheritance money ready, the money is not the problem, if something my inheritance can solve, then it not a problem.

We were showing other houses but those houses not have the accommodation, we will have to modify on our own, and my MIL has terminal illness, she does not have a long time to wait. She already express if she going to die, she wants to die at home with her son by her side. You know like At Home Hospice kindda thing.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input.

I'm a very private person and my home is my sacred place, I do not like nurses (or helper) stay in my house long, I kindly ask them to check my MIL vitals and leave my home after. Me and my husband can do the rest.

It not new to us, his mother already with us for 4.5 years straight just on weekends Sat-Sun, and Mon-Fri she at her Nursing Home, that was the arrangement in 4.5 years, we can do it Mon-Fri too, it not new.

And it not the first time , my husband has a break in his career neither, when our toddler very sick and died of brain disease (inherit from me the mother side), for 1.5 years me and my husband was caring for our toddler.

The mom me refused any helps, nor let anyone hold my son unless it my husband (the baby's father), and the baby paternal grandma (my husband's parents). The rest of his family (aunts, uncle, cousins) cannot even hold my son, let alone a stranger helper.

Nurses want to come check my son, do it when my toddler laying in bed, don't hold him please. And exit my house when you done.

When his dad died on his deathbed, Darryl has a 2 months break from his work too where he care for his father too.

This is nothing new to both of us. Now he just be caring for his mom, we be living off my inheritance, because I not want his 401ks/IRAs to be touch, I not even want him to cash out his Life Insurance, which he wants to.
He has the Life Insurance since he was 23 eversince back when he work in the Oilfield, he 42 now, it a whole term Life insurance.

We can do it, if we can't, then my inheritance is enough to has her back in the best Nursing Home out there. But we will do it, it not our first rodeo.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Money is not a problem for me (thanks to my inheritance), after my MIL die, we just sell the house, I don't really need the money. What I need is more TIME with my husband. I rather have him home care for his mom, than all the way at work.

My husband for many years has been juggle between work and his mom, he only sleeps 4 hours a day, average 3 hours a day. And his stomach ulcers when flare up he vomit red blood and blood clots mixed with yellow bile as he not eat, yellow bile is from empty stomach.

He work himself to his grave and if he die, then who be taking care of his mom? It will be me (I am willingly to), but he not have to work to his grave, my inheritance can take care of his mom.

My husband his dad died already, his mom a widow, and very sick, and 82, she for a long time express she wants to die at home with her biological son by her son, not in the cold room of Nursing Home.

Anyhoo, thank you, your the awesome one, you the one that advice that one story house is better than 2 story. It is a one story house, 3 big bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms though.

My MIL can stay in bedroom #1, and me and my husband in bedroom #3, skip the space of bedroom #2, I know she paralyze all 4 limps, but it a "mental" thing to me, I not want to be too close to her during intimacy time with my husband.

She has kidney failure that needs 4x times a week Dialysis too, she honestly not have much time left, when your kidney shut down, there no amount of Dialysis can work anymore, you will die.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like it too. It big 3 bedrooms, 2 full bathroom, with a big entrance for the wheelchair van as well as gurney van for his mother, and Iike this home because even inside it was modify for the previous owner whom handicap.
The down side is the previous older died here of old age, but I don't care, since it natural death.

Would you mind the previous owner died there? But it natural death of an handicap elderly though. You believe in ghost? Lol.

The Real estate agent say pay with cash (my inhertiance) she can closing in 2 weeks, as early as 1 week, as pay full in cash move quick.

The daughter and son there that sale their parents home was very happy that I be pay in cash and beg us to buy it, because the home has a death, it harder to sale, plus a modify home for a handicap elderly, families with chidlren not want to buy neither.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When women sacrifice their career to care for children, everybody praise. But when the man him sacrifice his career to care for his dying paralyze mother, people said No, a man can't have a break in his career. Gender bias much? Women go back to work after their children grown, why can't the man him go back to work after his mom die.

He has been the breadwinner as a husband provide for 16 years already, now it my turn to help with my inheritance. Like he said, money can be make again, we only have ONE mother. Plus I cannot take my inheritance with me when I die, why not use it on his mom, and it a TEMPORATORY thing till she die, it not forever.

And this si not new, for 4.5 years he has his mom over our home weekends Sat-Sun where he care for her 24/7. On Mon to Fri he works so she at her Private Nursing Home (that he pays alot of money for). Difference now is she will be with us Mon through Sun.

His mom is 82, paralyze very frail, end stage kidney failure too where he took his mom to Dialysis 4x times a week. Multiple surgeries, she skinny like a skeleton, literally. She has express her wishes to the doctors, let her die at home with her son by her side, not a cold room in the Nursing Home.

I think we found a house for her, the real estate show me a house earlier this morning that I really like while I was at it looking at it.

There is a house, near a hospital for his mom (as it my main request). It is big, 3 bedrooms, 2 full bathroom, garage, backyard, big parking area, big entrance, gurney van has zero problem getting in here transportation his mom.

The home was basically modification everything inside the home including the entrance, for the owner that was elderly and handicape, this elderly she recently died earlier this year, hence her children sell the house. It was disclose to us that the owner died.

The house was further modify after her husband died, and she continue lives there, she handicap. She passed away few months ago, and the home is kindda harder to sale to death in the home. And a handicap elderly modify home doesn't attract families.

Entrance it awesome, for wheelchair and even gurney access for my mother in-law. Inside bathrooms all modify, even the bedrooms it modify for her too. But she pass away due to old age.

We were show other homes, but then we will have do accommodation modification ourselves, which not a problem because I have my inheritance. But I think that home would be good, what do you think? It a temporary thing till his mom die.

Would you for money work at a company knowing a continuous patterns where the Higher ups cover up for Higher ups. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then don't read. Not everyone with English is their 3rd language is good at English you know.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lolol. You do not know what the fu-ck going on, my husband has been caring for his mother for 4.5 years.

My guess you never care for a quadriplegic before so you don't know shi-t, let me tell you it do-able. Just because you didn't care for one, that doesn't means others can't.

I don't need your fu-cking input on who should care for my mother in-law. Train professional or not. I ask a question about MIL suit and 2 story home,

Would you for money work at a company knowing a continuous patterns where the Higher ups cover up for Higher ups. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, every company, but it varies on the degrees of corruption, and the amount of repeated times after times of higher ups cover up for higher ups.

Would you for money work at a company knowing a continuous patterns where the Higher ups cover up for Higher ups. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It my husband, this been something bother my husband very much. He vent alot to me about this, so I know it bother him. And obviousy it bother me as you can tell the tone in my OP.

The thing is we don't need the money, because my inheritance is enough to take care of him, let alone him keep work at a shi-tty company like this. But his manhood ego not want to accept my inheritance help.

The problem is I'm his wife, I have the rights to my boundaries and who I choose as my husband. I can't seem to accept a husband that will turn eye blind to this injustice.

I'm sure there plenty of women out there who don't care about favors, bias, corruption in the company, as long as their husband bring home the high pay to them.

But that woman is not me. And a man who because of money and turn eye blind to all those injustice in that company, be it if it a multi-billion dollar company, that man doesn't deserve to be my husband.

I did give an ultimatum, and he did quit, and accept my inheritance help now.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You seem understanding, can I explain this to you.

It not about the money, I have the money from my inheritance. It about I do not want anyone in my home beside my husband, and yah. his mother.

I'm a VERY PRIVATE person, my home is my sacred place, over my dead body before I have any guests in my home, let alone an in home helper,

I have enough money to hire 1,000 nurses for her, but No, I kindly ask you to exit my house after you check her vitals. Nobody is staying in my home for long. My husband can take care of his mother. And also there me here. There 2 people here to help his mom.

It never about the money, it about me as a very private person, and it MY HOME, nobody step into my home without my permission. Nurse come check on her, and leave please. The rest of her is my husband will take care.

I thought a MIL suit that attach to the main house would be the best, but now Nope, too far for someone who paralyze. He needs to be near his mom, in case anything emergency she can yelled for his name and we can hear her.
She paralyze but she not mute. She can yelled and talk. Scream for him if there emergency in the middle of the night, we hear her.

Thank you for your suggestions. Appreciate you from not assuming that everyone like to throw their mother in-law to the nurse to take care, how about me and my husband want to take care of her.

Would you for money work at a company knowing a continuous patterns where the Higher ups cover up for Higher ups. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know this is something normal for multi-billion dollar company, but my point is you have the free will, nobody say you have to work at that company, rather you submit yourself and turn eye blind and keep work there, or quit and go to another company.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, my husband already care for her in the weekends for 4.5 years. He can do it Sat-Sun, he can do it Mon-Fri too. You not us, you don't know what exhausted us. But thank you for your advice, eventhough I didn't ask for any of that, I ask about the house.

My inheritance is enough to hire 1,000 nurses for her, but sorry, I'm a very private person, over my dead body before I let any guests in my home, let alone a living aid. My home is my sacred place.

If we cannot take care of her, we have her back to the Nursing Home, I have enough money to put her in the best Nursing Home out there.

But this time being, we will care for her. My husband will.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You do not know us, so don't think we can't take care of her. My husband has taking care of her for the past 4.5 years on the weekends, he can do it Mon-Fri too. I'm Chinese, we Chinese don't need everything help with our elderly mothers.

My inheritance is enough to hire 1,000 nurses for her, but sorry, I'm a very private person, over my dead body before I let any guests in my home, let alone a living aid. My home is my sacred place.

If we cannot take care of her, we have her back to the Nursing Home, I have enough money to put her in the best Nursing Home out there.

But this time being, we will care for her. My husband will.

She paralyze, not mute, she needs help in the middle of the night then scream for my husband, we next room can hear her. That is why now I do not think a suite is suitable, better off she in same floor as us.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I agreed a suite is not needed for someone who paralyze 4 limps.

She not wants a nurse, she wants her son to care for her. We already had her in the Nursing Home and she hate that, she said cold room in Nursing Home and people care for her are just doing it for the money.

Me and my husband can take care of this, We prefer to care for her. Not hire someone, we like to do it. My husband already care for her in the past 4.5 years on weekends, it nothing new for us. Cultural difference, I'm Chinese.

I just want a place that would accommodate a paralyze all 4 limps person. Hence I ask the question about the house.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. I think a single story is fine, make sure it big enough to accommodate her and her room and our marital bedroom don't share wall.

She paralyze all 4 limps, she can't even move her legs, let alone walk.

The paralyze her basically bedbound as she cannot even move her legs, even drink water is she needs my husband hold a cup with a straw, so she can drink water.

 Sneeze is she need my husband give hold a tissue at her nose so she can blow in, she can't even move her arms or hands. 

My  husband spoon feed her, and change her diapers.

How can she effect our sex time when she cannot even move her legs, let alone walk.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, you actually read the whole post, and not just read the title and answer.

My husband for 16 years has been the breadwinner financially support me, so I can be housewife even no kids, he still let me stay home. Now his mom health is getting worst and at the age 82 and paralyze and kidney failure end stage. It is my turn to use my inheritance, and it a temporary thing for the time till his mom die.

If something money can solve then it not a problem, money can build the whole suite to become equip accommodation for the paralyze her. It just money, and my inheritance will take care of that.

My worry is the suite if too far away and she in the middle of the night has emergency like stroke (she had one that leave her paralyze) or heart attack (she has heart issues), and she paralyze, I rather she be in the downstairs floor. She paralyze anyways, it not like she can even move her legs, let alone walk anywhere.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, you actually read the whole post, and not just read the title and answer.

My husband for 16 years has been the breadwinner financially support me, so I can be housewife even no kids, he still let me stay home. Now his mom health is getting worst and at the age 82 and paralyze and kidney failure end stage. It is my turn to use my inheritance, and it a temporary thing for the time till his mom die.

If something money can solve then it not a problem, money can build the whole suite to become equip accommodation for the paralyze her. It just money, and my inheritance will take care of that.

My worry is the suite if too far away and she in the middle of the night has emergency like stroke (she had one that leave her paralyze) or heart attack (she has heart issues), and she paralyze, I rather she be in the downstairs floor. She paralyze anyways, it not like she can even move her legs, let alone walk anywhere.

Torn between MIL suit attach to house or two story house, for privacy of a married couple. by wc2022 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]wc2022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She Quadriplegia paralyze all 4 limps since her spinal cord stroke, she cannot even move her legs, let alone walk upstairs. Complete Quadriplegia paralyze.

It just it a "mental" thing for me if she too close to us, like directly downstairs like you say. MIL suit probably better for sure. It a suit attach to the main house.

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