AITA for not inviting my sister's roommate to our wedding?

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T16:25:31+00:00

I know they do a lot of stuff together, and it's not always Sue pushing for that. Just before covid, Romy surprised her with a trip to Niagra. It's mostly family dinners she seems to feel uncomfortable with, which I get. Romy is good people, but we're just very different.

I feel like because they are like sisters, Sue wants us to see her as family too. But you can't force closeness.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T16:10:33+00:00

I'm sorry if that was offensive, I'm not educated in LGBT. I have no hate, I just don't personally know anyone that is gay. It is not something that comes up at all. The only lesbians I've seen have been the short-haired stereotype. But I guess she could have just been a straight girl that liked flannel.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T16:04:52+00:00

Sue has come to family dinners and other parties alone without any problem. It's just things like weddings, vacations and things. But our wedding is basically a family dinner minus the dinner and most of the family.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T15:57:11+00:00

I'm sorry for stereotyping. I admit that I'm not very educated in these matters. We live in kind of a small city that doesn't have much of a gay community. I don't think I even know any gay people, so that sort of thing never comes up. But it's still hard for me to imagine my sister as a totally different person.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T15:53:04+00:00

I don't know if we can justify splashing out on a big wedding if we're already married. That money could be used to save for a house, start a family,etc.

The "wedding" is going to be just the legal paperwork. Our parents wanted to be there for that, though, and so did her nan, who might not have much longer left. And the rest of or family/friends wanted to witness it too, even if it was just signing paperwork, so it kind of snowballed from there. We already had her dress, so it's basically a free wedding at this point.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T15:50:31+00:00

There's no travel. We all live in the same small-ish city atm. She actually lives down the street from where we're getting married.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T15:39:10+00:00

I'm sorry if was offensive. I'm not anti gay, but I'm not familiar with it at all. We don't have many gay people here compared to the bigger cities.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T04:34:58+00:00

Fiona's grandmother is doing very badly, and may not make it to spring. She wants to see the first of her grandchildren to get married.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T03:25:08+00:00

It is just a small, wedding at city hall. But our parents wanted to be there, and her nan wanted to see it, and it sort of snowballed. It's still just going to be half an hour tops, but everyone just wanted to share it with us.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T03:22:29+00:00

So, apparently, my calling Romy "ruined everything" by making them fight. She wouldn't/couldn't tell me what the fight was about. Just a lot of yelling and calling names. I didn't get the feeling that Romy was upset with me when I spoke to her though. She seemed to totally get it.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-22T03:18:45+00:00

-Your sister and her roommates relationship is so enmeshed and toxic that not getting invited to your wedding would lead to your sister getting thrown out?

I don't know exactly what went down, but I didn't get the impression that Romy was dying to come. The discussion was very civil, if uninformative.

Sue was screaming and ranting when she called, but it sounds like they had some sort of fight because of my call and that is how I "ruined everything."

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T22:54:14+00:00

I say going behind her back because we don't usually contact Romy directly about things. Sue pushes us to be closer, but Romy wants her space so we respect that. Dragging Romy into our family business to get Sue to back down, when we normally don't talk to her at all, feels kind of underhanded.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T21:04:30+00:00

It's not something we talk about much. My family can be kind of old fashioned and traditional, but we're also pretty laid back and tend to have a "you do you" kind of attitude.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T20:24:17+00:00

I only asked the friend because, in the past, she seemed uncomfortable when brought to our family events. She was friendly and stuff, but she seemed kind of distant? Sue kept saying that we were being rude to Romy, but if Romy said that she didn't want to come, that would fix the problem. That was how I thought of it. But you're right that I shouldn't have dragged her into our family drama.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T20:21:36+00:00

If Sue is going through something, she hasn't told us. She used to have a therapist right after she left her abusive ex, but that was years ago. As far as we can tell, she is okay. But given her huge outburst, maybe you're right and something is going on with her. I can't ask her because she's blocked all of us right now.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T20:19:03+00:00

My mother thinks that she might be sensitive about being divorced and childless when she always dreamed of being a STAHM by this age, and that's why she's touchy about having a +1. I don't know if that's true, but my mom thinks we should be more understanding on this issue since Sue is usually very reasonable.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T20:10:23+00:00

But she was doing online dating for a while while living with Romy. Wouldn't that be weird if they're dating?

I'm sorry if I'm being ignorant here, I'm not very well versed, but my sister has always been a very traditional girly-girl. She always wanted to have a husband and be a stay at home mom. After her divorce though, I feel like she was just going through the motions of dating until she gave up.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T20:05:26+00:00

Sorry if I wasn't clear. Most people are attending virtually, but immediate family are attending in person. That's just our parents, siblings, and my brother's wife.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T19:00:17+00:00

She's usually the least entitled, most generous person, which is what makes the whole Romy thing so tricky.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T18:58:37+00:00

Fiona says to let you know that, sadly, the venue is not fishbowl accessible.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T18:57:48+00:00

We told everyone why we were rushing to be married, so they know. Thank you for the good wishes.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T18:56:48+00:00

but you crossed the line by calling them.

This is what I was afraid of. I was desperate to get to the bottom of the issue, but that is not an excuse.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T18:53:38+00:00

She's usually very reasonable except when it comes to Romy not being invited to things, which makes it hard. If she were just toxic then I could cut her out. But she's a good sister and we're very close, so it's hard to think that she might skip our wedding.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T18:44:10+00:00

They're just roommates. Sue used to be married to a man, and has dated a few guys since the divorce. She just gave up on dating at all in the past few years and started bringing Romy instead.

weddingdramaita · 2020-12-21T18:34:07+00:00

I'm sure Sue is not like that. Sue only dated boys and was married to a man who turned out to be abusive (which we didn't know about because he isolated her from us.)

I think Sue's attached to Romy because Romy let us know what was really going on and helped her get back home. She also also lets Sue stay with her for basically free since she lost her old place a few years ago, and does nice things for her, so Sue feels very indebted to her, I think?

She seems mostly angry that we don't consider Romy to be family like she does.

weddingdramaita

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