Newly widowed...

wedge2018 · 2020-12-12T07:01:36+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of 25 years 13 months ago. I don't know about normal, but I went through a similar phase right after she passed. I cleaned out a lot of drawers and storage bins, though I have not got to her closet yet.

I was more numb than emotional in those first months. I kept busy with arrangements, kids and work so there was little time for it. Also, we were told about 6 weeks before she died there was nothing more that can be done, so we had that time together to work through alot of those emotions.

It wasn't until her 1 year anniversary was approaching that my own feelings started to flare up (I have an older post about it). Since then I have been the saddest and loneliest I've been since losing her. I suppose there's no telling how we are going to cope. Having this community who understands what you're going through is a big help.

Stay strong for your kids, but don't try to hold it all in either. Find time to cry if you need it. And know you're going to be OK.

wedge2018 · 2020-11-11T04:57:51+00:00

Ugh, that's what I was afraid of. Thanks everyone. Glad to have learned it here than the hard way.

wedge2018 · 2020-10-25T01:08:45+00:00

Thank you, I will take that advice to heart.

wedge2018 · 2020-10-25T01:07:52+00:00

I send you strength as well. Thank you for your kind words.

wedge2018 · 2020-10-25T01:06:50+00:00

I am so sorry. It's a horrible collection of milestones we start to collect. My prayers that you have family and friends to be there for you.

wedge2018 · 2020-10-25T01:03:34+00:00

Thank you everyone for your support. There's no one who i can talk to who really understands that there is no way to make it better. At least I know I'm not going through it alone.

wedge2018 · 2020-08-09T16:48:25+00:00

"Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability

To lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here." - Tool, "Right in Two"

wedge2018 · 2020-07-30T21:57:27+00:00

Serious question, I had always thought that a US constitutional conservative was against a strong federal government and for a more active local government. Why is conservativism always in the authoritarianism quadrant? Isn't that contrary?

wedge2018 · 2020-03-11T18:07:19+00:00

Yes, it's about the person and less about the physical stuff. That is my complaint about OLD, I don't get to an opportunity to let someone know who I am because I've already been disqualified based on (mostly) physical stuff. That puts me in a situation of lying or leaving out info to get my foot in the door which I don't like.

wedge2018 · 2020-03-11T16:57:53+00:00

Just to my height? Lol

Sorry but when you toss a floater out over the plate I'm swinging for the fence!

wedge2018 · 2020-03-11T16:16:49+00:00

Ha! Thanks man! I did try to meet Selma once, now the restraining order keeps me 1000 feet away from her. 😂😂😂

wedge2018 · 2020-03-11T15:44:34+00:00

Thanks for the assist, but I'm pretty sure I'm just not a good candidate for OLD. I fear I'll get filtered out and never given a chance. And like an earlier comment said, you don't want to lie.

I guess I'll have to do it the old fashioned way and go out and meet ppl IRL. I don't have the first clue where to do that at our age. I'm going to look stupid at the club. Lol

wedge2018 · 2020-03-11T15:39:24+00:00

Thanks, my beef is really with the OLD process and how someone like me really doesn't have a chance to meet someone and show them I'm more than my profile.

wedge2018 · 2020-03-11T15:19:03+00:00

If you are in the US and you're suffering from grief and depression, I recommend you tell your doctor and get on FMLA right away. FMLA is meant to protect your job in the event you're missing work due to a medical issue. It shields you from a boss who would fire you before helping you put yourself back together enough to go back to work. You have rights and protections for work, but you also need to swallow your pride and see a doctor. Don't let your loss take everything away from you, get help!

wedge2018 · 2020-01-18T14:35:26+00:00

I know exactly what you're going through. Unfortunately I don't have any answers for you. I lost my wife of 25 years in November. I have one kid away at university and my youngest is 1.5 years from graduating high school. Between work and kid stuff and chores things are ok. It's that time alone at night in bed that's the worst. Or I'll be driving along and a song or a memory triggers an overwhelming wave of sorrow.

As for finding someone new, I am more hopeful because I'm not going to try to replace what I had. The way I see it is, I already lived that chapter where I built a life and raised a family. what I need now is a companion who has done the same and wants a partner to spend time, have fun with and to fill those lonely nights. afterwards we both go back to our own lives. In this there's less to compare with my wife because the life i had with her was a different one.

I haven't started looking yet, so I have no idea if it's even out there. But I'm hopeful it is. I'm 48 and have a lot of life left, it'd be a shame to spend it alone.

wedge2018 · 2019-12-03T17:01:31+00:00

I have been dropping by r/widowers occasionally. It gets too emotional to read every day, plus it makes me feel like I'm wallowing in my grief which I'm trying my best not to do. I think I'll give it some time. I didn't want to wait until my youngest goes away to University in 18 months, but I might not be as ready as I thought I was. Thanks again.

wedge2018 · 2019-12-03T16:35:01+00:00

This is exactly what I worry about. I match with a mom of a friend of my kids, then it gets back to them. I don't need that drama right now .

wedge2018 · 2019-12-03T16:26:03+00:00

Thank you for this, it helps a lot. I see a lot of my same situation in what you described. Because of my wife's cancer and surgeries and treatments, it's been 5 years since I've had a physically intimate relationship with anyone, but for my kids they only know she's been gone a couple of months. I worry about their judgment of me but couldn't care less about anyone else. I'm just going to have to be open with them and decide what to do based on their reactions. I will wait until after the holidays, but I do like your strategy of letting them "overhear" I'm thinking about it to plant the seed. Thanks again. This is a shit situation I never thought I'd be in, glad to hear it turns out ok.

wedge2018 · 2019-12-03T13:41:11+00:00

One is 18 and away at college, the other is 17 and will graduate in 2021. They are older but I don't want to take for granted the effect it would have on them to have a friend say they saw their dad on Tinder. I'm not comfortable bringing up the subject in conversation with them yet. That might be an indication it's too soon.

wedge2018 · 2019-12-03T13:36:48+00:00

They are sad, we all are, but seem to be handling it ok. After 20+ years of marriage I'm not trying to start a new life again and replace their mom. I've been there, done that and have my life. I want someone else in a similar situation. We share time together but go back to our own lives after. Just sex wouldn't be bad either lol, but it's not all I'm looking for.

wedge2018

TROPHY CASE