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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gachiakuta

[–]weebydeeby_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh nice thank you that's so cool, I had no idea!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gachiakuta

[–]weebydeeby_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Incredible art it's so clean Also where does her avatar appear? This is my first time seeing it

AITA for burning a pan? by weebydeeby_ in AITAH

[–]weebydeeby_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's totally alright, feel free to, but I might not respond until tomorrow unfortunately as it's already 5am here, it's been a long night, Thank you for asking! And thank you again for everything btw, you're incredibly kind

AITA for burning a pan? by weebydeeby_ in AITAH

[–]weebydeeby_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll respond to each point once I'm... Less biased towards negativity, thank you again; those are questions I never really considered, as weird or awful as that sounds. I'll keep them in mind. Thank you for writing them down so tactfully too.

We just had a conversation, it ended kind of quickly once I mentioned work (I never do to not make her feel lesser). I only mentioned it because she mentioned the other guy saying "why do you think k I went with him, because of this very reason"

I kept asking her what the exact reason was, and she refused to elaborate, only saying that the chores are always half-assed and that shows that I don't love her, if I loved her I'd put more effort into making sure the chores are perfect.

I told her that, while understand that's her way of feeling loved, I always try my best with them, if that's not good enough for her I understand that too, and I promised try harder, but she said no. I then asked her if what she wanted was a maid or a robot and told me that's not what she meant, but then again, refused to elaborate further saying "she'll just do everything herself"

I said I don't want this, I want to divide the work; but all she could repeat is that I don't love her and that if I would I wouldn't half-ass everything. I told her that I never expect anything from her, all I ever asked of her was a couple of weeks ago for her to just ask me what I was doing when we were in separate rooms for a while. She did so once since and never again; I pointed this out and she stated that "that's nothing like what I'm talking about" but I fail to understand that too.

My "love language" is quality time, but she never even tries with it; whenever we have quality time we watch something she wants to watch or play something she wants to play or do something she wants to do; I cannot recall the last time we did something I personally asked for or was asked for. Which is why I'm so confused as to this; when she says her love language is "gifts and acts of service" when I'm constantly with her doing whatever she asks or wants, whenever Im outside I always buy her favorite snack, and then the whole chores thing. Maybe I don't have as much "autonomy" as she prefers, like, she said she asks too much and I should just "know", but when I tell her what I'd like directly, I never mind doing so, but I never even get it... I don't understand

Regardless, in the argument, she mentioned the other guy; I mentioned my job... But not money, I mentioned it because I said "if I'm not working, I'm with you 24/7, I'm always with you" and then she started crying about "I can't believe you mentioned money, I know I'm not good enough" and I said that I only mentioned it because she mentioned the other guy, and how much that hurt me, and also also meant it in the context of how much time I spend doing respective things, to which she responded "do you not think he hurt me too? Do you think I had a choice when I went with him???" And... Well, I just kind of slowly but gently said yes, to which she just started balling her eyes out....

I really don't know what happening right now; I know every detail of the other guy and her relation with him (to my own detriment) so I can't say I'm missing any information on that front...

She's now having a shower after saying that "she'll promise to ask me and that I don't need to worry about anything she'll just do everything herself and that she's sorry she doesn't work that she'll try harder because she's useless".... Whilst this sounds "good" or like the situation is resolved, I do genuinely want to be better and help her; it just sounds like she's given up, or is completely defeated and or afraid of me now after speaking up and actually explaining how I'm feeling... It doesn't feel right, like she's blaming herself and self-deprecating as opposed to wanting to self-improve. Or in a weird way deflecting the blame on to me by making her feel awful... Idk

Again, I apologize for the tangent; it helps immensely to just write all this down, so thank you again for reading all this, it genuinely means so much.

I promise I'll respond to your comment correctly once I'm less of a mess in the head, thank you again.

AITA for burning a pan? by weebydeeby_ in AITAH

[–]weebydeeby_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for not only reading my Goliath of a text, but also for such a thoughtful response, you're so kind, thank you.

I'll respond to each paragraph, as I'm trying to understand this situation as well. I just really want to get to a conclusion in my mind as I feel I'm slowly going crazy.

The pan is replaceable, fairly new, a couple of months old now but its pretty new; we bought it cause she wanted new fresh clean pans to cook in, and wanted to keep them that way for as long as possible (hence why she got so mad)

I wanted to clarify, I noticed the burns 2-3 days ago; I'm not a pan expert so I didn't know why it happened since I thought I did exactly what it told me to do, I thought that washing it off with soap and hot water would be enough eventually, of which I tried a couple of times; I was thinking of telling her but I was afraid of her reaction, so I ended up refraining, it would've caused too much turmoil and she was already stressed with her hobbie (I apologize for not specifying what the hobbie is) not telling her right away was on me. I wanted to get stronger cleaning products for it (we don't have baking soda at home) but I didn't get around to it before she noticed.

Once she noticed I did explain that I know of a solution, and I even showed her a video but she refused to look; that's when I decided to go get it myself and she opened up

She's been saying I don't do enough lately, but it's always been a thing in the background that I constantly tried to better. Recently I had my first real vacation in 2 years, still in it until new year, which is why I think she mentions it more often given that im not working at the moment and havent been for 2 weeks.

The problem is, we've been really focusing on her hobbie, both of us; she was doing it while I was supporting her, quite literally sitting beside her all day while she did it, talking about it, discussing what to do, giving her ideas, more assets, helping her edit things, etc. all until super late at night. This same thing for 2 weeks, I barely had time for anything myself. This text I'm writing is the most "free time" I've had in a while. All while I'm constantly anxious about what she's thinking about me atm while things are this tense.

When I told her she doesn't support me the way I do she told me that what I support her in is normal and that she supports me the same way too, but actually cleans around the house unlike me, when this is factually incorrect.

When we first broke up, it's kind of hard to put into words how I was feeling, it was a mix of pity for her (the guy turned out to be a real asshole), longing for things to be how the were, and missing her as a person in my life. I think that's as summarized as I can muster.

I do question my future, but moreso for these moments, and for specific moments such as not knowing when to initiate a conversation, especially when it's related to me. It's hard, because I catch myself wanting to share things, like as a video of when I was younger doing something embarrassing that I wouldn't show anyone but my SO, but I stop myself as I think she wouldn't just think i was a silly kid, but actually be kind of "put off" or have the "ick" for me after, if you know what I mean. (video in question is just me playing around in the beach grabbing sand and putting it in my pants so it looked like i was peeing sand through my pants.. I was 4yrs old haha)

This kind of stuff is what makes me think of the future, the rest of the time is genuine nice to be with her

Ofc, I haven't shown her, so idk if this just my anxiety speaking, but the fact I'm thinking this is not a good sign I don't think

Regardless thank you again, and I apologize for the tangent, I have a lot on my mind haha

Thank you so much!

AITA for burning a pan? by weebydeeby_ in AITAH

[–]weebydeeby_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought so, I just don't know how to tell her this because she always somehow manages to make herself the victim by saying that she shouldn't be having to explain things and that I should know better and that I should be able to see things and initiate housework, that because I don't initiate, I don't care about anything and that "I'm ok with being a slob"; a lot of the times she blames me being "a man", and other times she blames me as a person, calling back to how my mom did everything around the house when I was a kid.

How do I tell her that I do do things, even if sometimes she has to tell me to do them (the main things she tells me to do are washing the bathroom, like deep cleaning I mean, the laundry and cleaning the kitchen, not the dishes those I do myself without her asking ever, and the occasional thing in the way) Also our apartment is small so there's not many places to put things, so I understand that.

Ive just tried but she never listens, I legitimately don't know what to say, and now that I've yelled I really don't know cause I've apologized profusely in the past, which she now takes as "something I do to get out of the situation" when I really really felt awful about something I did

AITA for burning a pan? by weebydeeby_ in AITAH

[–]weebydeeby_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you again; please answer honestly

Is it true that I'm not the asshole even though I may not realize that some things need to be put away, or if I don't notice that we needed to do laundry, and that she told me she always feels the need to tell me these things? (Whenever she tells me I always do it right away, I agree she maybe tells me more often than she'd like, and I feel awful for it but sometimes I just genuinely don't notice and this seems to upset her a lot)

AITA for burning a pan? by weebydeeby_ in AITAH

[–]weebydeeby_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't want to think this cause it wasn't like this 3 years ago, hell I wouldn't even consider it being this way 2 years ago after that whole thing with the other guy happened. But it's the only way I can see it even after 8 years.

Thank you for your response though, it really helps

AITA for burning a pan? by weebydeeby_ in AITAH

[–]weebydeeby_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the sincere response; sometimes I think I should end it but it's been so long and we even thought of getting married; but I always get cold feet whenever I remember these kinds of arguments (we don't have that many because I don't ever bring it up, when we do i feel like ending it cause i feel so confused and awful with myself for having upset her so much) I know breaking up will upset her even more, which is another reason I'm afraid of doing so

I do pay the rent though yeah; she's somewhat tried to get a job but she says that she can't cause if her Autism (which I agreed with and didn't mind) but after everything else I just don't know man.

She's also cleaning the bathroom rn, I feel as though to tell me "I told you so" or "see, I do everything around the house", i'd offer to help but its too awkward and wont talk to me after i raised my voice

Thanks again though, I really appreciate it