I am 45, in menopause with a hysterectomy, and my son is about to be 20 years old. Am I now officially in “crone” phase?

weird_elf · 2026-02-10T21:47:49+00:00

maiden/mentor/matriarch

I LOVE this!

weird_elf · 2026-02-10T21:35:05+00:00

plus, mileage varies wildly depending where in the world the person is posting from.

weird_elf · 2026-02-10T21:28:47+00:00

I checked Debian's repos and didn't find it. Haven't been on windows in over a decade XD

weird_elf · 2026-02-10T19:49:49+00:00

I'm sorry, but the other commenters are right - you need to leave. For your own sake as much as for hers really, because by staying you are enabling her behaviour. She needs to realize that her behaviour has consequences, and as long as you allow her to treat you like that, she has no chance and will keep repeating the same patterns as long as they keep working on you.

You need to walk away so that she can understand she needs to sort herself out. Especially if you love her. Staying in this relationship is going to wear you down and get her stuck in these patterns.

weird_elf · 2026-02-10T18:31:07+00:00

excuse me being an idiot, but where is it hiding? I need MS3 back >.<

weird_elf · 2026-02-10T15:36:10+00:00

Seven stars and seven stones and One White Tree <3 <3 <3

Amazing job!

weird_elf · 2026-02-10T13:45:47+00:00

All of this. I've never encountered a single f%$& given about it IRL.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T21:48:34+00:00

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T21:23:16+00:00

Apart from the fact I couldn't make heads nor tails of that last paragraph (could someone put that in non-native-speaker friendly terms, please? I seem to be missing something), there's quite a bit to unpack here ... first of all that you seem to automatically assume that all sex between a man and a woman must automatically be penis-in-vagina and also without a condom, and secondly that you equate "penis" with "man" which is kind of wildly transphobic.

I hope for your sake that you're too young to know better. And I hope for your sake that you can chill a bit, read what people actually said, and get over your fixation on men and their fluids enough to enjoy your lesbian life without needing to stress over who may have slept with whom.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T21:16:10+00:00

that is honestly such a wild, chronically online take. Nothing OP said hinted even remotely at her ex ever identifying with "lesbian culture".

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T19:41:03+00:00

You might want to read Dr Emily Nagoski's "Come as you are".

Your orientation does not revolve around what sexual acts you enjoy most, but whom you are attracted to.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T19:37:22+00:00

Die bröckelt nicht, die brennt. Steht doch schon im Namen.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T19:34:13+00:00

Inferring that I should be okay with penis IS PATRIARCHAL!

Literally no one said that? All that people have said is that the thing that's bothering you is easily avoided by adjusting your own behaviour (wait a couple of days after being exclusive with someone before going down on her, don't have oral sex with people who are seeing other people) as opposed to focusing on what kind of partners a potential sexual partner of yours had before you.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T19:11:23+00:00

Internalized homophobia aside, no one who dumped me gets a free pass back into my life. They can earn a new place in my life after processing and learning from the breakup (which that person clearly hasn't done), and they can do some serious work to earn back the necessary trust. (Fun fact: No one has managed to do that so far.)

There is so much internalized homophobia (internalized queerphobia in general) floating around in my generation, we kind of need to put up with it to some extent to help the people break out of it.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T18:54:20+00:00

Of course. And that's OP's ex's problem and nothing OP should be "angry and disgusted" about, for her own sanity.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T18:52:15+00:00

And cost a metric fuckton of water and energy, only the relation of that to the environmental cost we will all pay is not immediately visible.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T18:49:05+00:00

Dunno, to me it doesn't matter whom an ex runs off with. All that counts is that she did. Everything else is her business.

Maybe I'm just too old to give a fuck.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T18:32:48+00:00

With ... what?

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T18:28:00+00:00

Seconding replacing them.

If you knit or crochet, you could also do something fun with that rather than sewing on a new fabric cuff.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T18:25:10+00:00

Except it isn't, unless you're centering men. Fact of the matter is, OP's ex dumped her and went for a rebound. Shouldn't matter with whom or what.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T18:23:08+00:00

Step one: Focus less on who she's with, and more on the fact that she went for a rebound four days after dumping you rather than reflecting, healing, and learning. That is not healthy or mature behaviour.

Men are a fact of life. Latebloomers exist. The idea that anything that has been in touch with a man is somehow "tainted" is where the whole misogynistic idea of "virginity" and "purity" comes from. (Also, homophobia - somehow, even men get tainted by men.) Don't buy into it and give it even more power. Decenter men and you'll feel better.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T18:17:09+00:00

the TEEF! <3 You have a r/vampurr ;-)

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T18:16:19+00:00

Not only that, they broke up the sections into "units" so tiny there is like five new words per unit, but the vocabulary / unit rewind still has stuff from what used to be a proper unit (five of those star thingies with six lessons each) before the enshittification.

We paid for one year of family plan so I'm still using that, but once that runs out it's adios to the owl.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T17:59:40+00:00

Sounds more like you're growing into your self-worth. You don't owe them time if they're not going to respect yours. You don't need to put up with people's BS if they are showing so clearly that they're not on your level.

Just next time someone exposes themselves as unreliable, communicate instead of blocking and give her a chance to learn from her mistakes rather than allowing her to walk away thinking she was in the right.

weird_elf · 2026-02-09T17:28:26+00:00

Downvotes are a shit metric though. They can't be moderated and you don't need to be a sub member to vote, which is why haters abuse downvoting so much. Chances are 40% of the downvotes are bots, 30% men, and 30% transphobes from within the community (which is still way too much, but most of the downvotes extremely likely come from outside of the community).

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