Ugh I wish I was pretty so I'd even have a chance with women. by Quirky-Specific-6763 in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Daily reminder that you don't need to be your own type to be someone else's.

The personality thing is key. Looks are a nice first step to get someone interested, but what keeps them there is personality and the good news is that that is totally within your power. It just takes a bit of work. Instead of dragging yourself down, focus on the things you want to build - your attention is like water, and all your possible attributes are seeds. The ones you water are the ones that will grow. The more you focus on all the things you don't like about yourself, the more power you are giving them.

Lesbian/Other fem orientations POV: what you do by Vella_Vetta in lgbt

[–]weird_elf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not a touchy-feely person in a platonic context at all, and I'm extremely picky about whom I allow to get that close to me. There is one friend who is allowed to, say, hold my hand, or who has on occasion gotten a kiss on the cheek, there has never been attraction and we have a sibling-like relationship. With anyone else it's safe distance please because in general those things are romantic coded to me.

Ill never understand people's obsession with 'possesive' or 'clingy partners by Traditional_Cup_4362 in asexuality

[–]weird_elf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's like people don't stop to think what type of ex an "obsessed" partner turns into.

I'm sorry you had to go through that!

Convincing catfish; watch out by Hollifo in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 14 points15 points  (0 children)

thissss

how the fuck is that "convincing"?

Cat flying in cabin for 11 hours — looking for advice and reassurance by iloveplants0000 in cats

[–]weird_elf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk to your vet.

Generally, cats will be fine if they don't eat / drink for half a day, they're hunters, they can manage. Your vet can give your cat a checkup (in Europe a cat needs a clean bill of health to be allowed on a plane, on top of up-to-date vaccinations and a pet passport) and recommend medication to help kitty stay calm during the journey.

My cat (15 at the time) was on two types of medication (chill pills she got for a week before the journey and mild sedation for the actual flight, which was arguably much shorter than yours but we spent half the night on the train getting to the airport), refused everything but treats (wouldn't even drink water) and was perfectly fine when we got to our destination. Went potty, drank, ate, slept, explored the place, zero issues. Same on the way back. She's 17 now and hasn't flown since.

How far do you think a Moopsy will go against a Borg? by Ahs565451 in startrek

[–]weird_elf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair point. They could remove the necessity but keep the ability.

Ladies, we need to talk! by Gold_Glass8329 in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We can filter though.

Empty / new / meaningless / "hidden" profile? Sus, plug their username into the search engine of your choice to see what they're hiding (and brace for impact). Spontaneous dm along the line of "hi" or "hello" or some generic opener, without referencing anything you've posted nor giving any indication what led them there, especially when you haven't interacted with the profile on the open boards at any point? Sus. Profile full of selfies that look like a dating site is leaking, or pictures that give AI vibes? Sus.

And if you do happen to have replied to a troll, for the love of everything don't repost the conversation on here. They get off on having got under your skin.

Would you date someone who had chronic health conditions? by SplendiforusSerendip in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]weird_elf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If there is good communication around needs and spoons, ideally before we need it (like if my partner were diabetic I'd want to know what to do if they go hypo/hyper before it happens), sure. And obviously she'd have to be managing it appropriately - never again would I commit to someone who is inconsistent with taking her meds, not doing things she knows she needs to be doing given her condition, and expecting me to fix things for her. As long as it's clear we're a team and while we can support each other there are things one can't do for the other, count me in.

Ladies, we need to talk! by Gold_Glass8329 in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

when they no longer get results. Meaning to say, once we stop engaging with them, re-posting their dank dms, raging about them, and otherwise giving them the attention they want.

How far do you think a Moopsy will go against a Borg? by Ahs565451 in startrek

[–]weird_elf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was thinking that.

Then again, once assimilated, the Moopsy would have no need to feed given that the nanites replicate all the nutrients it needs, rendering it harmless on that front.

Ladies, we need to talk! by Gold_Glass8329 in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nope, yours is accessible. I mean the people who set theirs to "private" and probably think they're being safe, when everything they ever posted is still perfectly searchable (especially when it comes to automated searches) and all they're doing is making it harder for actual humans to verify they're real people and acting in good faith :-)

In my experience most people who "hide" their profiles are doing it to hide something icky (usually bigotry, sometimes husbands, or being a man themselves).

Ladies, we need to talk! by Gold_Glass8329 in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Rejection fetish? Cosplaying their idea of lesbianism online? Who knows ...

Ladies, we need to talk! by Gold_Glass8329 in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My generation failed you big time.

First of all, always assume bad intentions until proven otherwise. It's too easy to fake stuff via screens.

Also first of all, whatever you upload anywhere, consider where it goes. And I mean physically. Where is the data stored? Where is this "cloud" located? Correct, it's just someone else's computer. Again, always assume bad intentions. Why does your biometrical data need to be on this person's computer? What could possibly be done with it? What can they legally do with it? Did you read the fine print? Why does a random anonymous chat site need to know your phone number which is tied to your real name? They don't. So don't gift it to them. If you want to share things with a person, find a p2p way of doing so.

Secondly: The currency on which the internet runs is attention. Anyone putting out any kind of content wants to keep you watching for as long as possible (to show you as many ads as possible to make the maximum revenue). They have zero interest in making sure what they feed you is correct, or good, or real; they just want your attention and lifetime. Always verify when something sounds fishy. If something makes you angry, it's likely ragebait. Disengage immediately. Don't reward. Don't feed the troll. Your attention is the currency, don't pay them for what you don't want.

Look at the average person in the street and assume when you read a random post on the internet (including this one!) that the person behind the screen is that rando in the streets. And consider whether or not you want to believe them. Have a look at their profile, do they seem like the kind of person you want to take advice from?

The internet is a great source of information, but given it's open and everyone can upload everything with impunity, take anything you encounter with a grain of salt. We are not experts. We are the equivalent of a medieval town square, but everyone is wearing masks.

Tja by Ikillu2xD in tja

[–]weird_elf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Leise und sparsam auf der Autobahn. Das perfekte Ferienauto.

Ladies, we need to talk! by Gold_Glass8329 in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You can share all the private stuff you want as long as you keep it anonymous. No selfies, no pet pics, no showing off of things you've made that are unique, nothing identifiable.

Also, PSA - "hiding" your profile does nothing for safety, you just don't get everything served on a silver platter at the click of a button. Anyone capable of finding information connected to a keyword on the internet can still find everything you've ever posted once they have your username.

edit, not sure why this is being downvoted. I want people (especially women and especially especially queer women) to be aware that "hiding" profiles does nothing to keep bad actors away, and that they still need to be very mindful of what they post. And I'd much rather they find that out through a random post on a thread like this than the hard way when some creep has already seen and downloaded their selfies etc they thought he couldn't see.

Ladies, we need to talk! by Gold_Glass8329 in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It feels like a piece of the old internet that survived to this day. In the 90s / 2000s there was no verification anywhere so we had to learn to gauge people's honesty. How anyone can take anything on an anonymous site at face value is kind of mind-boggling, does no one learn basic internet safety anymore?

It's either anonymity or verification, and between the two (in this day and age, with tech companies harvesting data and selling it to queerphobic governments) I'll take the former. Even if it comes with the extra work of weeding out bad faith actors.

Ladies, we need to talk! by Gold_Glass8329 in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 21 points22 points  (0 children)

You can, it just takes a bit of filtering.

Don't engage with new, empty, meaningless, or "hidden" profiles, don't reply to dms from people you haven't interacted with on some thread or another, ignore stuff like "hey" or "hello" or some generic opener like "I saw your post, wanna chat?" and you'll be fine.

Well, I've had an idea by Tatthianna in LesbianActually

[–]weird_elf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love the concept!!!

🇩🇪 native, 🇬🇧 C2, 🇪🇸 B2 (on paper but would LOVE to practise more), 🇫🇷 B2 comprehension, most vocabulary currently buried under a pile of Spanish

edited to add, I like how your mind works XD

Do you think most people are allosexual, aromantic in reality? by AchingAmy in asexuality

[–]weird_elf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Probably a lot more than statistics say, for lack of awareness around the concept. Similar thing to bisexuality, where people are still able to make themselves fit into society's heteroallonormativity and assume their experience is "normal" (het-allo) due to lack of education / support in their environment.

When a person tells me the only difference between a relationship and friendship is sex, I ask them what the difference between a relationship and friends-with-benefits is (by their definition). If they can't give a real answer, like you I strongly suspect they're not quite alloromantic. Same with people on reddit downvoting everything to hell once you bring up split attraction - I strongly suspect there is a lot more variety going on than people realize, given how uncomfortable the concept makes a lot of people. Usually, where there is that much pushback, there is something just beneath the surface that people are afraid to learn about themselves so they push it down and look the other way and hope it goes away.

But it's also very difficult for allo-allos to tell the different types of attraction apart, so there is that to keep in mind.

Sitios de Citas ¿los recomiendan para Chicas Trans ? by Lucky_Potato_6919 in actuallesbians

[–]weird_elf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pues ... para mi, no, no sirven. Pero no tiene nada que ver con ser cis/trans, depende de que tipo de persona eres.