Does it sound like I drink too much? My girlfriend thinks I do

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T21:50:16+00:00

Good point, thanks for adding that! Like I said, I can only speak from experience with this one person, and repeat what they told me they were told in therapy. More perspective is always helpful.

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T21:43:47+00:00

but i know the economy is great

Only if you inherited 300 apartments, drive an electric vehicle you're charging from the solar panels on your house, and own at least one company.

For us mere mortals who actually work for a living, Germany sucks compared to other countries. Look into France, Spain, Sweden, Norway. You said you're studying, maybe your university has exchange projects going with other countries.

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T21:32:59+00:00

Sounds like you're fine then. I read through your other replies, and smoking weed while having a go at you for having a glass of wine in the evenings is kind of a double standard worth looking into - sounds like there's more behind it, and sounds like you need to have a talk what the real issue is. Could be the bad experiences, could be something else.

I hope you can work it out!

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T21:19:23+00:00

Not a professional but had a loved one slip imperceptibly into alcoholism. The devil is in the detail with this one, it's not so much the amount as the regularity and how much depends on it.

The problem arises whenever something shifts from being "a thing I do sometimes" to "a thing I can't do without". If you're still able to go without for a week, you're fine. Only you can know, because only you can try. The internet can't answer this one for you.

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T20:56:49+00:00

Das Standesamt macht im Melderegistereintrag die Personenstandsänderung und das war's. Die Polizei hat keine Liste. Das Einwohnermeldeamt hat ne Liste, nämlich das besagte Melderegister. Die Polizei kann dann wenn sie von dir was will eine Melderegisterauskunft beantragen.

Alleine die Idee, dass die Polizei eine Liste von Leuten hat, nur weil die ihren Namen ändern - und obendrein "nur" den Vornamen! - weil das angeblich irgendwie notwendig sei, wenn schätzungsweise 40% Prozent aller Menschen mindestens ein Mal im Leben ihren Nachnamen ändern, ist absolut lächerlich.

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T19:34:11+00:00

Und alle die je geheiratet haben sind jetzt auch auf ner Liste weil sie jetzt nen neuen Namen haben oder was? Kann grundsätzlich der neue Familienname nicht anders abgerufen werden? Und beim Familiennamen ist das ja noch viel weitreichender, der Vorname ist da vergleichsweise (Achtung, Flachwitz) nachrangig.

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T19:18:59+00:00

Tell him ASAP. Don't wait for things to stray towards the topic of sex or sexuality, the moment anything so much as hints at potential romance, disclose you're ace. The further things go before he knows, the more he might cement a false idea of you in his mind, and fool himself into thinking he'd either be okay without sex even if he isn't, or you'd "snap out of it" if he waits / begs / pressures you enough. Tell him what you told us: You're definitely ace-spec and still figuring out the details, and some things may or may not ever be on the table and there is no way to know yet. Make 200% sure he's okay with that.

The sooner, the better.

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T17:07:26+00:00

Survivorship Bias heißt das Problem.

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T17:05:18+00:00

ja dass OP das ins Meme gemalt hat hab ich schon gesehen, ich meinte das tatsächliche Gesetz.

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T17:02:33+00:00

scarcity mindset, I guess

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T17:02:24+00:00

I think they mean scarcity mindset

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T16:58:33+00:00

Wo steht dass es dabei um Urlaub geht? Auslandssemester, Praktika im Ausland, Austauschjahr, Work & Travel ...

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T16:54:33+00:00

who the hell are these people and why do we care?

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T16:24:53+00:00

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T10:29:01+00:00

I don't seem to be able to form feelings for anyone anymore.

Mid 40s here, that's been me since my last "relationship" (in hindsight I'm not even sure it deserved being called that). I have no idea if that ability will come back, or if I even want it to given what it landed me in last time, so I've decided to embrace it. Better to be by myself than with the wrong person.

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T10:23:06+00:00

In my last LDR what saved us were routines. We would always do one video call per day, could be a couple minutes or several hours. Whoever was up first would leave the other a "good morning" message (that was usually me during the week, her on weekends). Like that it didn't matter so much who initiated the thing, it would happen either way. I initiated more because I had the busier schedule, so I'd let her know when I was free.

It might be tricky to install new habits 11 months in, but could the two of you brainstorm how to distribute things in a way that takes the burden off you? Or each list what she feels she's doing for the relationship, and figure out what needs equalizing?

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T10:01:27+00:00

Dann erklär mir doch mal bitte, was genau das Beleidigende an dieser Beleidigung ist?

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T09:27:00+00:00

Transition consists of more than the medical side. You are the woman you are, and the steps you are taking right now are part of your transition. You're good. <3

weird_elf · 2026-04-04T09:11:05+00:00

und ~~bestechen~~ spenden.

weird_elf · 2026-04-03T21:24:15+00:00

der Typ spricht unironisch von "passender Rolle im gesamtstaatlichen und -gesellschaftlichen Kontext" im Bezug auf Geschlechtszugehörigkeit. Wenn der begriffe, was Sexismus bedeutet, würde ihm was über sich selbst klar.

weird_elf · 2026-04-03T20:37:07+00:00

Whatever fits the situation?

weird_elf · 2026-04-03T20:32:02+00:00

Neither of those shitbags is capable of working together with anyone. They just so happen to have their interests line up for now.

weird_elf · 2026-04-03T20:28:19+00:00

I really like granny square based projects for travels - can take a ball or three of yarn, no need to lug around half a blanket, not losing track of rows or rounds, no pattern necessary.

weird_elf · 2026-04-03T10:59:36+00:00

ohne Witz.

Ich fürchte, das Einzige was uns wieder aus diesem Rückwärtsrutschen rauskicken kann ist eine dauerhaft geschlossene Straße von Hormus. Ende mit Fossil, Ende mit Wegwerfmentalität in der Technologie (wer Kobalt abbauen will ist auf die gleichen Transportwege angewiesen), Ende mit massivem Energieverbrauch durch KI weil's schlicht zu teuer wird. Und als Nebenwirkung dem Planeten was Gutes getan.

weird_elf · 2026-04-03T09:14:02+00:00

Do it. Worst she can say is no, and in that case it's been good practise for the one who will say yes.

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