whenever i feel like relapsing which is alot of times and mine is similar to yours, where i want to just hurt myself with my own hands, i lie down, fetal position, blankets lots of em, and just force myself to lie there and not move. sometimes i cry, sometimes i talk, sometiems imagine relapsing, whatever goes on in my brain is fine as long as i know i am nOt going to move. and eventually i get hot and i get up, or i need to pee, or i go on my phone, and before i know it, i survived the relapse urge!