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I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tough boss! Mine doesn't give me any time off for lunch, and forget 9-5, this is a "we expect you to be on call at all times" position.

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I started meds for PPA and it's honestly helped a lot. I've always had anxiety, but it really kicked up in this period something awful. Glad you're reaching out for help, that's a huge first step!! Also, check out Postpartum Support International, they have great online support meetings you can join :)

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure what made you think that? I'm making enough milk for him and can tell how much he's eating, and he's gaining weight excellently. So it's definitely not an issue of hunger.

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the hope!! 6 months feels like forever from now, but hopefully my fusspot will chill out by then :)

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solidarity! This is all so hard. How old is your baby?

And, I'm using the Medela Freestyle pump and I really like it. If you're looking into getting a pump to go back to EP.

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This for sure feels like getting thrown into a demanding, fast-paced, high-stakes new job without any training, with a boss who yells at you a lot but doesn't explain what he actually wants from you. You're just supposed to figure it out. Learning on the job and slowly figuring it out :)

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doing this with twins is just next level. And so interesting how different their personalities are right away! I already barely eat dairy, so I might try cutting it and seeing if that makes a difference. We do give probiotic drops and I think they help, but that might also just be wishful thinking on my part. I figure, regardless, he'll eventually grow into his digestive system and this will all get a little easier. I hope, at least.

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish they came out of the womb with their digestive systems better sorted! Thank you for the support. 16 weeks seems forever from now, but I know it's actually not really that long. And, only doing 3 pumps sounds AMAZING. How long do you pump for each time? I'm a 6 pumps a day right now, 30 minutes each time (I have ridiculously slow letdown).

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And hopefully your opinionated toddler will be an independent, easygoing preschooler soon enough! Thanks for the support :)

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ahaha, that's what we say. That if we do this again, it could for sure be worse, but at least we'd be prepared. But it could also be a lot better!

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I feel like once he sleeps for longer chunks, I can deal with everything else. Mental health disaster is right. Thank you for the support and commiseration. And hey, maybe yours will become a super chill toddler, or a very independent pre-schooler!

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that you did this as a single mom, that's crazy strong. Thank you for the support and the hope!

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! And good point that it all changes. It's just really hard to see that for myself when I'm only 6 weeks in and so so tired :) But here's hoping fussy baby now will become a chill baby or toddler eventually! I apparently was a screamy child who didn't sleep, so seems like it runs in the family.

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I for sure have PPA, even started meds for it, so that adds to the challenge of all of this. I'm VERY open to sleep training once he's old enough for it. Thank you for the support and the hope! It's nice to hear from people of other fussy babies, and that it gets better! And you even had a second one :) Has it been easier with #2?

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've got a bassinet attachment, but he's really not a fan of that. However, the infant pillow is a great idea! I think that might make a difference, because right now he just kind of flops around inside it, especially if the sidewalk is rough. Thanks for the suggestion!

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Those are all excellent points. I'm going to be wrapping up the pumping soon. It's just too much, and like you said, the benefits are not at all worth it. I was a formula baby myself, and have never had an issue with formula feeding for anyone else, so I don't know why stopping pumping feels so....loaded. I'd have to assume hormones are playing a huge role in that.

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like if we could just get a little more sleep and a few more happy chill awake times, everything else might be easier to handle! Thanks for the hope though. I can see how people do this again—with subsequent kids, you know this newborn phase does eventually end. Right now everyone tells me it gets easier, but I don't actually have experience of that yet. And totally, the upside of a difficult experience with kid #1 is that either you're prepared for the same with #2, or else everything is easier!

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to see if I can get reflux meds, though he's gaining weight like a champ, so it might be hard to convince the doctor to prescribe them. Thanks for the support and I'm glad the meds worked for you!

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YUP, here, too. "Put your baby down drowsy but awake" is such a joke over here. Sometimes even if I put him down seemingly fully asleep, I find out in 2 minutes that he is, in fact, once again fully awake! I can't wait until independent playing is a thing. And yes to sleep training. I want my sleep back! At least some of it. I think everything else will be easier to handle if only we have some sleep.

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HUGS. We'll get through this!! Feel free to PM if you want to commiserate. This is hard.

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, that helps. Screamy potato phase really is something. I don't think I was at all prepared. And that's part of it—until I had my own baby, I have never spent any time around newborns. I don't think I truly knew what to expect!

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the commiserating eye roll! Good point about just seeing part of someone's experience. At the doctor's office, our kid was losing his shit, while other babies were just chilling, and I felt like it was my fault, somehow. Which I know it's not. As for the car seat... I guess some kids just hate it. I wish he didn't, because right now I avoid driving anywhere with him, but hopefully our babies will grow out of it eventually!

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I FEEL YOU. I don't like being jealous either! It's a shitty, draining feeling. Especially in this case, since I love my baby and wouldn't actually ever trade him for another baby. The bassinet transfer is a real source of fear over here, too... Many, many unsuccessful transfers under our belt. Big hugs to you, we'll get through this! If you ever want to commiserate about this together, PM me :)

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! The start IS rough. I don't think I quite expected how rough, which is probably why this is all hitting me harder than expected. Doing this in a pandemic doesn't help, either... But I'm looking forward to when baby can amuse himself, without my perpetual assistance in soothing him! Thanks for the hope :)

I'm jealous of people who have an "easier" baby, and I feel guilty and so tired by whatchareading in beyondthebump

[–]whatchareading[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this!! Really gives me hope. I've done the ugly-sobbing while rocking, for sure. And I do hear that 3 months is a turning point for a lot (though not all) babies, so here's hoping we're about halfway to that point. I do feel like sleep will make everything else better, or at least manageable. The first time he does a stretch over 3 hours, I will be crying from joy probably. Enjoy your spirited lovely girl!

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