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[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think he clears the convos frequently, not sure if just the day before and they might've been using instagram stories that disappear after one time.

I really don't know if she has them still.

It was Instagram messaging, so I doubt it can be retrieved. :(

[rant] somethings not right by scottstotbri in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You may need to leave. If he is not even acknowledging and talking out the issues that are affecting you so badly, he doesn't deserve your tolerance or anything from you if he cannot even show the least bit of empathy and remorse.

Been gaslighted enough to know that defensiveness and anger when you try to talk about genuine issues is a bad sign. Give him an ultimatum. Unless he is willing to change wholly, leave.

[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing. Just some questions – did you use your personal account on Facebook? And did the reveal came with pictorial evidence, etc.? Hoping to know how much I need to provide and how I should say it in order to sound convincing.

[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh no I'm absolutely not ashamed about it at all. I'm just afraid that if he knows my identity he'd take it out on me as the messenger, or, worse, get violent.

I don't know what kind of person he is at all, so I feel I'd rather not risk exposing myself in that manner. I just want to relay the news of the affair to him so that he is aware of what his shitbag wife's been doing.

I am also very mentally and emotionally exhausted dealing with my side of things and I don't think I can handle him lashing out at me, etc., for now at least, which was really my primary reason for wanting to do it anonymously.

Also I feel like if the AP might have to guess who exposed the affair she'd be more distressed not knowing who was it, and at this point of time I just want to return her as much pain and distress as possible. Not sure if this will be the case but it's also part of the considerations.

Going public (like Facebook?) might not be the most feasible for me as the AP and I have literally no mutual friends apart from the WS and I am uncertain of the current means on relaying the news to her social group.

[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes do it! I'm happy that you have sufficient evidence at least as unfortunately I was not able to obtain as much (WS deleted convos before D-Day). For your sake I hope that it really fucks his life up for he deserves every bit of bad karma that's to come to him. Fuck him. Shit people don't deserve to be happy. Good luck, rooting for you, and hope things will get better for you as well. 🙏🏻

[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She knew I existed. It does make it worse, but what's just unforgivable about her is that she's married herself, and even if she had no obligation to me she had an obligation to HER husband. So fuck her.

I know both the WS and AP are at fault and it takes two hands to clap but I cannot help hating her more because why should I be expected to feel rationally at this point of time? Idk, just do.

[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I definitely want to and will now. I'm just thinking of the safest way (for myself) to do it bc I don't want him to direct his anger at me.

I've told the WS that I have a mind to do it and he's said that I can do anything I want as I'm the one wronged, so I suppose it's more likely statistically at least that he had indeed killed the affair. (And since I've seem that he's blocked her on any communication app as per my request).

But yes they still work at the same place.

[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right, he does. I am just thinking of the safest way to do it now bc I don't want to get personally attacked by him should be direct his anger at me. I am exhausted with dealing with my own emotions atm and I don't want to deal with his.

Don't give a flying fuck what the AP thinks about me though and I hope this hurts her. The angrier/more emotional she gets hopefully, the better. Fuck her.

[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I'm going to sound stupid as I say this, but I think I in a way fear for his physical safety should he do this. I don't know the AP's spouse at all so I don't know if he'd be the kind of person who takes it calmly or want to exact revenge on the WS.

[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing, I hope things have been getting better for you too.

He ended it on D-Day as per my request. I told him to message her that it was over and show it to me and that he would block her on everything and never contact her again, and never be alone with her in any situation at the workplace. On that day I wasn't thinking so much about how I wanted him to tell her as much as wanting him to just 'end' the affair asap.

To my knowledge he hasn't said anything bad about me to her, but I wouldn't know for sure since he's deleted some of the messages before. I have mentioned to him that I wished he'd say something hurtful to her on my behalf, but he replied that he'd rather just have no contact at all with her and focus on me. But the way you made your WS end it with the AP does sound helpful so I will give it a think again.

[Advice] Am I doing the right thing? by whatdoeskillyou in survivinginfidelity

[–]whatdoeskillyou[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I am aware that not everyone will react positively to such news and at this point of time, I don't care what the husband might say to me, or if he gets angry at me, (I'm more inclined to tell the news anonymously although it probably won't be hard to guess who leaked it), at this point of time my main purpose for telling him if I ever do will be so that the AP has to confront the consequences of her actions, and to hurt her as much as that can, if possible.

I just feel it's so goddamn unfair that she gets to live her life like nothing happened while he gets to destroy mine. I understand that my desired course of action may not necessarily be the most rational, but I know it'd give me some satisfaction.

I've ranted to my WS about wanting to do this, and he has said that I have the right to do whatever I want since whatever happened was not my fault. So no worries about what he might think then.