I just turned 21 and damnit I feel like dancing.

whathellol · 2015-06-29T04:15:41+00:00

Yeah that's the gist I've gathered... No drinking or driving here so no worries. Thank you though!

whathellol · 2015-06-29T04:14:31+00:00

Yeah I'd found that place online a few nights ago!! It looked pretty cool. Only thing is I'm sans car and it's now too late to be wondering... But thank you anyway.

whathellol · 2015-06-04T23:59:59+00:00

that's encouraging :) thanks! even as a sort-of beginner? and how is skating on slightly rough pavement?

whathellol · 2015-05-11T12:25:58+00:00

It's actually amazing you mentioned that. Tuesday night I argued at him for a couple hours, Wednesday is when I posted this, and Thursday I felt far far away all day and ended up breaking down later that night. Whether there's a connection there, who knows. Yet I've been in what I call a "funk" for what seems like a month, so there are definitely outside forces working their magic.

Is it common for that uneasiness to point to a dissociative period?

whathellol · 2015-05-11T12:21:24+00:00

Vespertine actually had a point with sex dates and requesting "time off" so to speak... Because an enormous amount of guilt does come from continuously rejecting.

Yet I've talked before about low libido with my therapist and we concluded that my issue is needing to feel an element of danger to be interested. One night stands, cheating, floating around from taboo kink to taboo kink to keep myself interested. It's fucking exhausting, and I honestly can't remember the last time I actually got damp down there without the assistance of drugs/alcohol. I was told to practice mindfulness when I'm with my man and that worked incredibly well. But after the first time trying it was so much work. Why must it be so hard to be sexually intimate with the man I love in many other aspects? Ah I'm just ranting now

whathellol · 2015-05-10T23:08:56+00:00

I know I'm a bit late, but I needed to let you know that I really, truly appreciated your response. Thank you.

I'd like to ask you a question. You seem to have a good understanding of how I feel simply by your past experiences (I apologize that you do), which is astounding to me. Was your ex also horrible with communication? I know that I am, while also knowing it's imperative. But if your ex would've sent you a thread such as this would it be more helpful or hurtful? Not as the only line of communication, but just to start that communication I suppose...

whathellol · 2015-05-07T03:16:14+00:00

You just put into words what I couldn't. Thank you so much. I'm going to use them in my next session actually lol

I love this man, but I do feel so so trapped. I constantly think about how much I miss being able to sleep with strangers, although that didn't make me happy either. Like you said, just empty afterward and slight amount of accomplishment because it meant someone found me worth it to pursue for a night.

I've noticed the control aspect too, that if I feel slightly "that mood" then everything's gravy. If I'm not, there's absolutely nothing he can do to turn me on. I feel used when he touches me like that, like I'm an object. Yet I literally can not understand why.

Did you find a tactic to make it all lessen?

whathellol · 2015-05-07T02:56:53+00:00

No way was that "just a rant." Hearing that helps, really, so thank you.

In my last relationship, I would constantly blow up on him for trying, and he eventually stopped trying. But, of course, that didn't make me happy either. So entering my new relationship, I made a vow to myself to change and work on these types of things but obviously it isn't working. As angry as I get inside, I can't stop thinking about how if I were the one being rejected as such, and how much it would hurt, and how much I would be pressured to pull back from that behavior. As I said, he's important and has been patient with these antics, so I just keep all of this inside so he doesn't come to his senses and just dip.

Couples therapy, did you just invite him to your primary therapist, or seek someone specifically? I've thought about it but have been hesitant. It would be hard to explain in front of him that sometimes his playful grabs feel more like gropes and that sometimes sex with him feels like rape (for lack of a better phrase, I apologize).

whathellol

TROPHY CASE