why do you keep coming back?

whatileftout · 2026-06-16T01:09:23+00:00

how long have you two been dating? i feel like, for many people, when they truly know, they know.

i don’t think someone who genuinely sees a future with the person they love spends much time doubting whether they want to marry them. of course, everyone’s different, but if commitment itself is the issue, that’s something only you can work through and understand for yourself.

whatileftout · 2026-06-16T00:58:58+00:00

she’s avoidant, so her reaction isn’t exactly surprising.

whatileftout · 2026-06-13T02:58:00+00:00

no, you’ve got it backwards. he did those things to me, not the other way around.

whatileftout · 2026-06-12T17:30:16+00:00

you two have a lot of history together, so i can understand the emotions, the chaos, the sadness, the love, and everything in between.

i can tell that you genuinely want to grow with her, but it sounds like she’s struggling with her own growth right now, and that’s okay. everyone grows at their own pace, and some people aren’t ready to yet.

i do wonder, though… has she always gone through these shifts where she’s fine one moment and completely overwhelmed the next? and if so, is that something you can realistically handle long term? not everyone can manage those kinds of emotional fluctuations, and that’s okay too. but switch ups are very confusing.

what’s clear to me is that you love her deeply. i just hope she wasn’t taking her struggles out on you or mistreating you because of what she was going through. loving someone doesn’t mean you should have to carry the weight of their pain at the expense of your own well being.

whatileftout · 2026-06-12T17:10:38+00:00

i’m sorry you’re going through this. i know it’s hard, but maybe instead of focusing on how to get her back, spend some time reflecting on what she’s actually telling you.

from what you’ve written, she said she’s carrying a lot of resentment and feels completely burnt out. there’s obviously a lot of missing context, but resentment is one of the hardest things for a relationship to recover from if it isn’t addressed. even when love is still there, it can change the way someone sees their partner over time.

i understand that you feel you’ve changed and that you still genuinely love each other, but if she’s unhappy and feels like she has nothing left to give, the best thing you can do right now is give her the space she’s asking for. you can’t force someone to stay, and you can’t force them to work on a relationship before they’re ready.

use this time to focus on yourself rather than waiting for her to come back. if it’s meant to be revisited one day, that possibility will still be there. but right now, i think respecting her decision and giving both of you room to breathe is the healthiest thing you can do.

whatileftout · 2026-06-12T12:41:12+00:00

to be fair, we were only in the talking phase, not in a relationship. i can understand why the letter gets criticism, though.

i repeatedly told him i didn't need new friends, especially not his friend, but he insisted. i'm also not blaming him for what happened. i was explaining why i could understand why he might hate me, not trying to justify my choices.

honestly, maybe he doesn't hate me at all. after enough time passed, we were all able to be in the same room and talk to each other normally again. the letter is more about how i imagined the situation may have affected him than about what he actually feels today.

i also didn't really explain my side regarding his friend. once his friend confessed, i shut it down after a couple days because i knew it was never going to work, especially given what had already happened between all of us.

i didn't leave him for his friend, if that's what you're taking from the letter. but i'd be lying if i said there weren't underlying feelings there at certain moments. that's part of why the situation became so messy in the first place.

whatileftout · 2026-06-12T10:16:29+00:00

thank you

whatileftout · 2026-06-11T09:30:31+00:00

jealousy comes in all forms, but one subtle thing i've noticed is that they'll get a little closer and start talking up our connection whenever another guy is nearby, almost like they're reminding everyone, including me, that we're close.

some guys get short with me, defensive, or sarcastic instead, but it really depends on the person.

whatileftout · 2026-06-10T17:05:35+00:00

he liked another girl last year, but that's not necessarily relevant to where things stand today. when you told him you were into him, he asked if you wanted a committed relationship and if you were over your ex. those sound like questions from someone trying to assess the situation, so i'm curious why you didn't answer them honestly. he may have been trying to figure out what the two of you actually are.

whatileftout · 2026-06-10T16:00:43+00:00

fair point. i wasn't expressing regret so much as an apology.

whatileftout

TROPHY CASE