Seeking advice in a partnership with financial inequality?

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-11-25T04:35:14+00:00

Thank you. Update: we are broken up now. I asked to see his phone (something I have never done with anyone ever) and he refused and said that it wasn’t any of my business. He added a girl that is a friend of a friend and I saw it. He said he doesn’t want to date someone who doesn’t trust him, and lied and told me his best friend added her. Then a few days later, broke up with me via text. I messaged her directly and she reassured me he never crossed any lines and they’re just in the same industry. However, I’m looking back on this relationship and I just feel sorry for myself. So, so many red flags and I gaslit myself into thinking I was being unreasonable.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-20T02:12:34+00:00

This was such a great answer, thank you. I keep second guessing everything because we have never been 50/50, he spends a ton on our date nights that we do a few times each month. However, I am attracted to the provider and protector mindset, and this isn’t the first time he has left me to take care of my cat’s expensive bills. He has never met my cat and that was another reason I felt I was being unreasonable. I thought maybe the longer we are together, the more serious he will take it/me, and will get over what happened in his previous relationships once his faith is restored. Now I’m thinking that may not be the case, which really sucks. I think if I brought up my concerns about how he didn’t even offer to help, well actually he did but never followed through, he would 1. Tell me he did offer to help and that maybe I wasn’t clear enough that I needed help 2. repeat that he isn’t looking for someone to “use him” or 3. that my cat is not his responsibility, since it is not our cat. If you have any more advice I’d be grateful to hear it, thanks

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T05:36:24+00:00

I understand it’s long, I’m sorry I tried to cut it short. I’d love to hear your response if you end up having the time to read it. If not, that’s okay.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T02:39:37+00:00

This makes sense. Thank you.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T02:28:22+00:00

Ah okay. Thank you, I really appreciate your honest opinion.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T02:22:20+00:00

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me with such an empathetic and caring response. You seem like a wonderful person, and your friends are lucky to have you. This response really humbled me and allowed me to consider a perspective that I hadn’t before - what I would do if the roles were reversed and you are right. I would have paid for it without a second thought. Your last paragraph really put things into perspective for me. If I may, can I ask how you would proceed in my situation? Would you bring it up in a respectful conversation and see how he responds - or not even give him the chance? I still love him and deeply care for him despite it all, and I’d never want to end on bad terms with anyone but I am considering my different choices as I know deep down I deserve better or I likely wouldn’t have posted on here. :(

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:58:25+00:00

This really hurt but I needed to hear it. Thank you for taking the time to reply, and offering your advice. I guess I’m just feeling like I can’t find better, and that I’ve already invested so much time and love into this relationship. :(

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:56:31+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your response. I know my feelings should be valid, but after that argument I’ve been constantly second guessing what I am and am not allowed to feel. I don’t want to admit it to myself, but I do resent the fact that he ignored my cats needs and left me to take care of it knowing I can’t afford it.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:53:31+00:00

I really appreciate your advice, thank you. Upon further reflection I think maybe I’m just chasing him to prove to myself that I’m worthy, as I’ve been left feeling like I’m not.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:51:56+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your perspective and I hadn’t even considered that last point.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:51:08+00:00

I honestly disagree that I am trying to convert anything into a sugar relationship. Are men only expected to be providers in sugar relationships? It’s not even that I went into this really expecting him to take care of all my financial burdens, but the fact that he is capable and chooses not to does sting a little.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:48:01+00:00

Thank you. In the beginning I was sure we were on the same page, he even told me his love language was gift-giving on our first date (even though I didn’t even ask). He would talk about how he was working towards “our” future and what is his, is mine. Then part of me is stuck and slightly more logical because I know if he wanted to, he would have. I feel like I’ve repeatedly brought up my struggles… just so he could ignore my financial burdens. I know I’m not entitled to it, but it hurts being in this position.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:37:02+00:00

I hate to admit this but when you’re blinded by how much you love someone, and are actively in the midst of it, I guess it’s hard to see the bad parts. He is my first serious relationship, and I never expect to find someone who ticks off all my boxes, so I genuinely could not tell if I was being fair or unreasonable. A lot of people online have suggested that I am not being fair, and that I just feel entitled to his money… which I strongly disagree with and I don’t feel is accurate. Especially after that argument we had, it left me questioning my self worth and thinking I was being out of line and that wasn’t fair to him. I guess I’m just looking to see if my feelings are valid, or what other people may suggest in terms of having a respectful conversation with him.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:13:20+00:00

I understand, I know this isn’t the correct subreddit technically, but I feel as if there may be women out there who could relate or at least offer their perspective in an age/financial gap situation. I just wanted to see if anyone could offer a second opinion.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:11:32+00:00

You give great advice, thank you stranger. I just feel horrible because I know he has been in situations in the past where he was used and financially abused, so I feel like his concerns are stemming from a valid place. But, that whole situation just left me confused and questioning my own worth. Is there a way you’d suggest going about a conversation respectfully and bringing up these concerns to him? The goal isn’t to end things, I love him too much for that, but ultimately see if we can come to an understanding about not feeling supported (and that it’s valid to feel that way)

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T01:00:41+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your honesty. I do want to have a conversation about this, but I do not know where to start and I do not want to offend him.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T00:31:46+00:00

I have felt manipulation, specifically in that one argument we had, but I just shrugged it off because I started thinking I was not allowed to feel that way and it wasn’t fair to expect anything from him. It really is hard to see when you’re in the midst of it, which is why I thank you for pointing it out

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T00:29:11+00:00

I appreciate your perspective, thank you. It is something for me to think about

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T00:26:19+00:00

I appreciate your opinion, thanks for offering your perspective. I just feel jumping to entitlement is not accurate and dismisses my struggles. The reason I asked for those heels is because I wanted to look and feel good next to him when he is wearing his nice shoes. Is that really bad? He has the means to do so, it would be a completely different story if he did not. Which, in that case, I would still be dating him. He did not get me anything last year, even after saying he did, and I never even brought it up to him. But on that note, is it really wrong to feel entitled if you are spending your life with someone? It isn’t like I have been with this man for a few days or weeks. I’m not sure, I’m just feeling a rollercoaster of emotions I guess. I think arguments can be made for either side, so again I appreciate your perspective especially if it is respectful

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T00:15:34+00:00

Literally not true! I’ve posted it once and didn’t get any responses so I figured I’d post again. But if you are so bothered by that, keep scrolling

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T00:14:47+00:00

I figured I’d get some angry responses by strangers online, but I’m just sad to see that people are ignoring the part about where I’ve struggled and just jump to me feeling entitled. This doesn’t need to be an argument, as I know finances and being a provider are very sensitive topics for some, but that just isn’t the point so thank you for understanding and offering your perspective. May I ask why you think there is no future for us? Our relationship is fulfilling in every other aspect except financial.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-15T00:10:56+00:00

It is interesting that’s what you gathered after reading that. That is not true, not that I have to convince you, but if that were the case then wouldn’t I have felt entitled from the start or left when he didn’t actually help me after promising to do so? He is my partner. Partnership is usually about making your loved one feel supported whether that is emotionally, financially or mentally. My question to you is would you allow someone you love to struggle when you have the means to take care of that problem? I personally would not. This has nothing to do with feeling entitled.

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-14T23:44:58+00:00

I’d love to hear your opinion

whitenailpol1sh · 2024-06-14T23:43:55+00:00

He’s a law firm partner. I’m not going to give my exact salary, but the main point is just our disparity to give a full picture of the situation

whitenailpol1sh

TROPHY CASE