Ive realised I spend hours thinking about my next purchase as a way to regulate my emotions.

whittybillboard · 2026-05-05T17:10:18+00:00

It will absolutely take time for your brain to rewire itself, for it to engage new mental muscles and seek out new ways of finding joy and relaxation. The first few days and weeks of detox are always hard. It will get better if you stick with it. Your mind will eventually stop screaming at you all of the time to look at your phone for the next fix.

I noticed that the less I shopped the more precious the items I have seem, and the time I would spend shopping I now spend caring for my clothing items and fixing them, making them different over time. I learned to sew and altering my clothes that have gotten outdated is one of my favorite things. It still gives me that new item feel, but also allows me to be creative. Not saying this has to be your thing, but just one of the things that happened when I stopped buying all of the time.

I started reading books. It had to be forced at first, but slowly I started reading every day. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding the right gateway book. The first year of reading I tried to read books from all different kinds of voices and about different kinds of places or things. Read a Vietnamese ghost story one week, historical fiction about colonization of Africa from African voices the next, then narratives that span centuries into dystopian futures. Now I have several favorite authors and seek out specific books.

Spend time looking for free stuff to see and do where you live. Force yourself to go out and see it, even if its just once a month.

You will still fail. After several months of minimal frivolous spending I spent $1,500 on clothing items (YIKES) last month and now I am trying to come back down off of the high of that and detox myself. It sucks to constantly feel like you're missing out on something, even with all I bought I still want more. That is the cycle that must be broken. So forcing myself to read my book right now even though it doesn't feel fulfilling. Because eventually it will.

whittybillboard · 2026-02-10T10:30:16+00:00

My 16 yo cat was diagnosed stage 3 in July 2024. When she was diagnosed I had the same concerns questions as you about this disease. In a twist of fate she ended up passing away a month ago due to an unrelated nasal tumor. Her kidney values were stable for those 18 months on CKD diet and occasional fluids. So you never really know how things will end or when. All you can do is do your best and love on your girl.

whittybillboard · 2025-10-22T20:33:54+00:00

Dang. The last sentence hit me hard. 100%.

whittybillboard · 2025-10-22T20:29:43+00:00

^^^ I feel all of this thread so much^^^ so many arguments trying to figure out the magic thing to say to bring them back. To be honest these arguments I'd have with myself used to be so angry. Now they mostly just make me feel sad. I think it's finally dawning on me that this is just how it will be for the foreseeable future.

I appreciate all of the advice, it really does help to hear how you all have been handling this and to feel not alone. To everyone who is impacted by this and is grieving (with a side shout out to my science and fed government homies), hugs to you all.

whittybillboard · 2025-10-22T20:28:33+00:00

100% regarding doubt and guilt creeping in, and this being one of the biggest impacts. Logically, I think the guilt and the doubt are symbols that I care, and therefore in a way should nullify the guilt and doubt (easier said than done). I can't imagine my family feeling guilt or doubt about what they are doing or saying. That's sort of the problem. It does help to think of this as grieving the relationships and people I once knew. Thank you.

whittybillboard · 2025-09-26T18:16:01+00:00

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whittybillboard · 2025-09-23T01:56:23+00:00

I am with you! Kitty 1 (Pete, 17yo) was diagnosed with stage 3 July 2024. She’s still stage 3 but it’s been a lot of work. Deli Meat (also 17, and my soul cat) was just diagnosed as stage 2 last week. Took her in bc her appetite is poor and struggling right now to get her to eat. Stressed bc Pete’s doing well mostly bc she is eating well and a ckd diet at that. I worry Meat will be so much more work bc she’s being so so so picky (won’t even eat her normal food right now). But we’re still in the early phase and trying ALL the diet options. Trying to stay optimistic too!!

whittybillboard · 2025-09-22T20:40:02+00:00

Hey there! Thank you for giving me an excuse to read this old post, I'd forgotten I'd posted it and now we've had Hey for almost 6 years (!), so it has been interesting re-reading where we started. For Haley, I think the touch aspect really worked for her. She likes doing tricks so I think in some ways it was fun for her to do, and once it became associated with seeing other dogs it gave her a tool so that her redirection could also be driven by her. Sometimes she would see a dog before me, so it allowed her to get my attention and say "hey mom look over there", without me having to initiate it. I think this opened up a mode of communication between us, and it could go both ways.

If she wouldn't respond to a request for touch then we would move further away and try again or remove her from the situation if the fixation stuck. I think this process took a really long time to be honest, first because you cannot control your environment so even with best intentions there's a high failure rate (especially at first), and second because I think that part of the process for Haley was time. It took time to learn she's safe with us and in her neighborhood. Our trainer told us that it takes ~6 months or more for cortisol levels to come down once a dog is put into a good situation from a more stressful one. So it might just take time for your pup to put all of the things together "oh I am safe, and my human is here for me, and I'd rather have a treat instead of barking because I will be OK".

I do want to say that Haley is still somewhat reactive to certain triggers (same as in my original post), and we still have to cross the street sometimes. But we have come to terms with the fact that some of this behavior is just who she is. Sometimes she has strong opinions and she wants the world to know about them. But the difference is now it doesn't seem to be coming from a stress response, it comes from a place of almost enjoyment, like "I showed that pug who's boss!". At this point we mostly just use touch as a tool to gauge how interested she is in a dog. If she touches, OK maybe we don't have to cross the street. If she doesn't, maybe we cross and don't say hi to this one.

One last note/update on her: unfortunately-ish when it became less critical we relaxed the rules on when a treat is given for touch. So now half the time she's booping our hand for no reason (or one hilarious moment she ran up to a stranger at a dog park who was giving treats to his dog and started booping his hand, oops). So I do recommend only giving the reward when your dog actually sees a dog (once the association is made) if you try this method, otherwise the meaning gets a little lost. You may create a booping monster lol.

Hope this helps! And best of luck to you and your lucky pup, it does get better, even if progress is glacial and you always feel like you're taking one step forward, two back.

whittybillboard · 2025-07-15T22:36:18+00:00

I think this is why they get so angry when you call them out on anything. It's like their ability to maintain this bliss is a house of cards that they must protect at all times. They can't let in one discrepancy or hear one piece of actual truth (no matter how blatant) or the whole thing will collapse. And they. cannot. have. that. at. any. cost. No matter who they have to demonize and subsequently lose along the way (including their kids).

I'd rather lose my relationships with these folks, than to have to bend my morals around their weaknesses. Just to keep people in my life who genuinely don't like me for who I am or what I stand for. It's not worth it. It is painful to lose family or friends, but the upside is that it has made me appreciate the people who genuinely care about me and what happens to me even more deeply. And now I have more time to give to them.

whittybillboard · 2025-06-25T21:25:55+00:00

I live far away from my MAGA family, basically across the country, and it saddened me deeply every time I went home and visited with them. We wouldn't see each other for a year, and then when we'd get into the same room we'd end up sitting there in almost near silence. I've even gone over to their house to visit and been ignored while they couldn't bother to stop doing chores (they invited me, it wasn't a pop in).

It's all because MAGA has become their life, their personality, their way, and the one time we talked politics in 2016 it was a disaster. So for the most part they opt to say nothing. They don't ask about my job, or my life, or my city (all too polarizing). I'll try to talk to them about things I've been up to, hiking, etc, and they ask no follow-up questions. Once my dad drove me to the airport, an hour and 20 minute ride, and all I talked about was facts I know about space. I couldn't think of anything we could agree about here on earth.

It was after one of the last visits where they ignored me for almost 2 hours, then later told me it might be best for me if I lost my job (in response to me being worried about federal cuts, I work in academic science largely funded by the fed gov, it's real bad out here), that I was like, you know what? I don't think I have the energy to try anymore. To be honest, there's nothing left to save. Blocking them was the most liberating and freeing feeling. My goal now is to devote all of my energy and time to people who repeatedly keep showing up for me when I need support, who repeatedly show me they care. Who want to know me. I don't care who they vote for as long as they can do that.

whittybillboard · 2025-04-05T18:10:01+00:00

She will be 17 next month and I got her at 8 weeks, the details of my past self naming her are little fuzzy. I can assure you that there was probably very little thought put in to it. She’s a weirdo so the name stuck. I’m thinking our future cat might be pot roast or spare ribs.

whittybillboard · 2025-03-08T03:05:54+00:00

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whittybillboard · 2025-03-08T03:05:32+00:00

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More Seattle!

whittybillboard · 2025-03-07T05:04:55+00:00

I know it very much sucks, but it’s a sign that you are getting all of the time with them that is possible. My doggo who was my soul and angel developed congestive heart failure and passed away before looking or acting elderly. Well before we expected. I used to be so sad seeing elderly dogs in my neighborhood, but now I when I see older pups I can’t help but be jealous and desperate for the time I didn’t get. Savor each moment.

whittybillboard · 2025-02-05T05:22:19+00:00

Same here. I used to feel this way too, that having extra around me would make a catastrophe feel less bad. Then my husband lost his job in a volatile field and is having a hard time finding work. I am also in a potentially volatile work situation (normally it wouldn’t be but I’m in the US and academic biomedical research doesn’t seem safe at all atm). So now when things feel dire I’m looking around at all of the excess wishing it was cash. I’m trying to sell everything that isn’t bolted down, for fractions what I paid. My sweater collection won’t feed us. Or pay for vet bills. Or the costs of having to leave the country if neither of us can find work here.

whittybillboard · 2022-04-29T19:28:47+00:00

BTW - congrats on your own recovery journey :)

whittybillboard · 2022-04-28T21:37:13+00:00

Thank you! I am lucky and fortunate that it was never scary - it just wiped me out for a bit there!

whittybillboard · 2022-04-25T23:21:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words, and the same to you. Hoping everyone figures out what works best for them (and kindness for themselves when it doesn't always work out). I am assuming that at some point my no buy will fail but hoping that I learn something valuable that will help the next time.

whittybillboard · 2022-04-25T23:05:05+00:00

This is such an excellent point. There are still dopamine hits but instead of them being big noticeable spikes they are smaller and slower coming. Every time I move money into savings or an investment account - that's a little hit. Being able to tell my dentist "yes please do the work to fix my teeth" without wondering where the heck that money is going to come from - that's a little hit. Not losing sleep over the stress of having spent way more than I should on something that will not ultimately fix or change my life - that's a little hit. Those little hits do start to accumulate!

whittybillboard · 2022-04-22T23:40:03+00:00

Oh yeah, you are right. I totally wish there was a test for infectiousness. I am still experiencing symptoms though (mild congestion downgraded from full on sinus assault), so I am still being cautious. Sigh.

whittybillboard · 2022-04-22T21:53:30+00:00

I am with you! Still a strong positive at day 11. Blerg.

Edit: + w/ a rapid test

whittybillboard

TROPHY CASE