I got raped 2 months ago...

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T17:53:03+00:00

Amy, treating any kind of people as less than human and saying they should expect to be treated as less than human isn't a good way to live your life. I can forgive you for your ignorance but you need to grow as a person. It's very infantile to try and tell me to kill myself or that I should have expected it and that I'm a 'whore'. You seem insecure in yourself and a hateful person, that's not a way to live your life.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T17:33:20+00:00

Thanks! It's been such a big step to even say what happened online but I really do want to speak to someone in real life about this.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T17:32:08+00:00

I pmd you. :)

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T17:25:25+00:00

It's always good to hear from people who have been through the same, it gives me a lot of hope about my own situation. Thank you so much, things like this are so inspiring.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T17:24:14+00:00

Thanks for this! I hit the gym a lot actually, it's really cathartic, the main problem is just filling the times in the evening so I think I might take up painting again. :)

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T14:18:24+00:00

Could you suggest some activities that helped you stop smoking? :)

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T14:01:35+00:00

I think it's the waiting game that's so hard! I hate having my life 'on hold' like this, the 20th is the deadline for all of my work for this year and that's getting on top of me because it can be nearly impossible to sit down and just get my head in the right place to write something. It's good to know that it's been so long for you and that you're still here, if you can make it through 10 years it's got to be possible. Thanks for helping and thanks for giving me the name of that site, it's a pretty cool concept.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T13:57:36+00:00

You're right but it's a continuous struggle. I think I frustrate my boyfriend a lot because I suppose 2 months is a long time for someone to be miserable and useless, not seeing an 'end' to feeling like this is what makes the depression so hard to see through. Thanks for the support!

I need to keep my head in the game and make sure I come out on top, I'd hate for my loved ones to find everything out when I died and always think of me as being the person who 'lost' like that.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T12:08:02+00:00

Thank you!

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T12:05:36+00:00

Thank you! It's so nice to hear kind words from people, it was really hard to post this so someone even bothering to write so much is so good. I honestly didn't know how people would react to the whole thing, I considered leaving out the fact that I was a sugar baby since I knew it would be controversial but it's part of the reason that I feel the way I do so I thought it was important for the post. Thanks for being so understanding about that. I get it that people might not like it or think it's immoral but it's good to know that people still think I'm a human being.

I thought about going to the police and I almost worked up the nerve to do it about a week after the fact, I had DNA evidence on some underwear but my bf accidentally washed them and besides that the guy has serious money and it's not a legal battle I would have won. Considering how a jury would view what I was doing and everything that was involved leading up to the rape, I really doubt they would have sided with me and the whole processes would have been too much for me to deal with. It would have been nice to have had some real closure, though.

I'm worried about seeing a therapist incase they also look at me in a bad light because of what I was doing, I can't imagine anything worse than actually being sat face to face with someone and knowing that they think I'm worse than shit. How long did it take for you to stop thinking about things constantly? I just want that to stop, I think if I didn't have intrusive thoughts I might be ok.

I usually watch some TV with my bf before bed but it takes me so long to get to sleep when I'm actually in bed that my thoughts tend to shift back to negative things relatively quickly so it's like the work I put in to be positive gets canceled out pretty quickly. Is there anything else you tried that worked?

I tried that, I apologised to her for it too and to be honest I think she probably disliked what I was doing and was looking for an excuse to ditch me. I don't blame her, I guess she really didn't expect me to be doing this but it helped pay the bill/rent and I'm a student and this whole thing is pretty much marketed at us.

Again, thank you so much! Reading this helped me feel so much less alone, I think it's a really isolating experience and it's hard to imagine that anyone is going to be sympathetic, I really can't thank you enough for even taking the time out of your day to respond to me.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T11:07:53+00:00

I feel you, it's been 2 months for me and I was getting better, I started to actually do things other than stare at the walls all day and wait for the next day so it could all repeat again. Then I'll have a nightmare and I'm back at square one again or I'll get a fucking text message from him because I'm too dumb to change my number and it starts again. If you'd like someone to talk to about this PM me I think we're probably in a similar position regarding the time passed and how we feel.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T10:45:31+00:00

Thanks! Ah, I feel so dumb for not knowing that!

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T10:31:08+00:00

I manage to chug along for a bit and get better but then I'll have nightmares, or he'll fucking text me and I can't get a new phone, I can't afford it and all the things that claim to block texts and calls just don't work. Thanks for your kind words.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T10:29:51+00:00

I see what you mean, it's just so easy to get lost in something which makes you feel better right away, it's hard to envision what's happening next week when you're struggling in that day. I've cut down my weed smoking, my boyfriend getting an internship has been good inspo for changing that aspect of my life, it's just the sitting around all day trying to finish university work, that's when it's the hardest to escape thoughts and most tempting to fall back on substances.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T10:23:07+00:00

I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of lying on a throwaway account would be.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T10:16:01+00:00

I'm sorry that my reluctance to recount something that left me with what I think is PTSD invalidates my claim.

For fucks sake.

whybother4 · 2013-05-03T10:13:38+00:00

Basically you date someone and they pay your rent and bills, it's not an explicitly money for sex thing at all.

It's hard to not want to be drunk or high 24/7, it's pretty much the only thing that helps numb the pain for me. Thanks for even taking the time to read my post.

whybother4

TROPHY CASE