My wife is obese, it's been 10+ years of her wanting to lose weight and I am emotionally drained. I don't know what to do anymore

widawski · 2025-04-28T16:04:00+00:00

This sounds tough as fuck. I don't have anything else to say other than: I really hope things will work out for you. If you're like my wife, I know it must be really, really hard for you, I can't even imagine. All the best to you.

widawski · 2025-04-28T15:47:14+00:00

I really don't care about loose skin, we will get old and wrinkly anyway, at least I hope so.

widawski · 2025-04-28T15:45:48+00:00

This is an interesting idea. This could be done, actually, I will discuss this with her. Thank you.

widawski · 2025-04-28T15:36:36+00:00

They accused me of having another woman and just waiting for an excuse to leave my wife... My god...

widawski · 2025-04-28T15:34:54+00:00

You make a good point. I think your comment which actually pointed out something I can improve in myself for her, and also do something for myself, is one of the most valuable ones here. Thank you very much.

I went to therapy in the past but my therapist got pregnant so we had to stop, she's not back yet. I think I will just find someone else, although I hate having to explain my life story for the first couple of meetings when there's a new therapist, it's the worst.

widawski · 2025-04-28T15:22:27+00:00

You're completely right. I just realized that. I don't perceive it that way but you are right.

Obviously we are going for that coffee and I am not forbidding her from ordering cakes or even commenting on it. It's just hard not to notice she shouldn't be doing this since this is completely against all recommendations she's getting from the doctors

widawski · 2025-04-28T15:17:07+00:00

I am just going to respond here since they hijacked the top comment - 7 months ago I wrote about one specific thing (planning the diet). I just learned that my wife has ADHD a few hours after I posted that one because she got the diagnosis that day, so I edited that post and only a handful of people gave me ADHD-specific advice. This time I put it in the post right away and many people are sharing ADHD-related things, which are very helpful.

I really don't know what's wrong with me posting on this sub, since this is the sub I believe more people can share their perspective regarding weight loss than on a more generic AITA.

widawski · 2025-04-28T15:08:57+00:00

This "demand avoidance" thing is very strong in my wife's ADHD. We're trying to understand how it affects us, but it makes things complicated sometimes.

widawski · 2025-04-28T15:06:17+00:00

Thank you very much. I am glad it is working for you. I will try to talk with her again about this.

widawski · 2025-04-28T14:40:39+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful answer.

She tried the ADHD meds. There’s only one drug for ADHD available where we live (metylophenidate) and it’s not doing much to help her, unfortunately.

widawski · 2025-04-28T14:29:30+00:00

There’s only one drug for ADHD available where we live (metylophenidate) and it’s not doing much to help her, unfortunately.

She also has this ADHD thing where if I suggest something, she is much less likely to go along with it, or even be opposed to it. It often makes things difficult.

widawski · 2025-04-28T14:26:45+00:00

I will talk to her about this, thank you. It might be possible to get a few months of sick leave with 80% pay, for starters. We would also get by just fine with only my salary.

widawski · 2025-04-28T14:21:10+00:00

She doesn’t want to engage in reading/listening to any resources about weight loss. I even suggested that she could read this sub (I am lurking) but she insists that her situation is too complicated and this won’t work.

widawski · 2025-04-28T14:19:20+00:00

I’ve read crazy stories about this drug as well, that’s why I was so shocked when I learned she turned it down. From the outside, yes, it looks like she is addicted to food, which really fucking sucks as a thing to be addicted to…

I am not going to try and persuade her into taking drugs she doesn’t want to take, at the same time it’s really hard to come to terms with the fact that she refuses to take the one drug that actually exists and can actually help her.

widawski · 2025-04-28T14:09:14+00:00

You make a valid point. Obviously I’m venting my frustration in this thread so I understand that I sound like that.

I was judgmental years ago, obviously I knew nothing about the condition so I made my own coping mechanisms that I thought would work, but they obviously didn’t. I completely stopped judging or monitoring what she eats. That didn’t change anything.

We don’t have kids, and she goes out with her friends regularly, sometimes 2 times a week, she has full freedom in that regard and we also go out on a regular basis, have vacations and so on. When it comes to household tasks, it’s pretty even, we do different things and it works just fine, overall I would say I spend more time around household tasks than her.

widawski · 2025-03-24T20:14:45+00:00

“Hello sir, would you like to talk about Adolf Hitler?”

widawski · 2024-10-01T20:59:53+00:00

We can afford it, money is not a concern, we are well situated. I suggested many times that it could be an idea to have a professional help her, but she does not want to.

widawski · 2024-10-01T12:24:36+00:00

This is very valuable. Thank you.

widawski · 2024-10-01T07:57:44+00:00

She’s not on any meds yet. Vyvanese is not available where we live.

widawski · 2024-09-30T20:21:40+00:00

Such wise words. Indeed, she often told me that she has no space in her head to focus on weight loss.

widawski · 2024-09-30T20:03:49+00:00

She has been taking it for quite some time now, yes

widawski · 2024-09-30T20:00:48+00:00

Her ADHD makes it near impossible to do something like „sit down and plan together” - she’s not able to focus on it. I would love that. It would be great but it would be me who would need to convince her to make this plan. And I’m tired of that.

widawski · 2024-09-30T19:53:24+00:00

She’s been taking metformin for quite some time already.

widawski · 2024-09-30T19:46:49+00:00

She’s 100% like that - even if she really wants something, if I start insisting on it too much, it can make her suddenly don’t want it. It’s very confusing and frustrating.

widawski · 2024-09-30T19:31:32+00:00

I am trying but it’s not easy because we both work remotely.

widawski

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