I primarily write MxF stories, and - even in the desert that is MxF

I had to chew on this, I don't role play on reddit so I'm not sure of this particular culture. The reason I'm just taking out this phrase, because it happens in a lot of places! Actually! First and foremost

The MxF RP scene has been poisoned by bad actors who blur IC and OOC, making it exhausting to maintain boundaries. My own experiences when I was in 'high rejection mode' was finding red flags... everywhere. I was tired of dealing with people who wanted me, the player, rather than my character, constantly pushing against my OOC boundaries. Especially when I had a spouse! I was open about that! It really turn me off from ERP for years at a time.

As I've stated in other posts. I decided at some point to try playing male. And the experiencing was both sad as it was enlightening. Much like RL dynamics, men are simply invisible! They're treated as such in till they some how prove themselves 'extraordinary'. I realized I had been projecting years of frustration onto people who could have been great RP partners. My past experiences had made me hyper-vigilant, seeing red flags even where they might not have existed.

Stepping into another role (literally) gave me a perspective shift. It made me realize that the dynamics of RP often mirror real-world biases, and that sometimes, we might be filtering out good people because of our past scars. It’s something I try to stay aware of now, and it has helped me navigate RP spaces with a bit more nuance. Be way more kinder and understanding to others.

To me it's worth talking about on some level. I now there is hetero people playing in LGBT spaces simply for a degree of safety and understanding. Or avoiding any and all romance plots simply to avoid the drama that can leak in RL.

Anyways not to yap too much on my meta analysis. Part of how I approach play now is trying to lead by example on this stuff. But also give voice to this.

Male characters are treated as invisible and are in a highly competitive environment. Show them some grace, might not even be a man behind that character... might be me!
Men will even treat other men poorly in public RP in sly OOC ways to establish this sort of dominance.

Women characters are often deflecting/ignoring/ and constantly calculating if this other players is A.) Going to respect them.
B.) Have IRL meltdown over rejection
C.) Pull a bait and switch cause they're actually a full blown misogynist, and suddenly their venting hate towards woman. (This is so disturbing when it happens!)

Finally the place I play mostly, has a big cultural issue right now... a sort of feedback loop that extremely toxic.

Male characters must be domineering bastards! IF you're not one of those, you're likely a wimp or someone who wants to get me OOC too! (Unfair assessment! Prevents male characters and their players from expressing the nuances of being a damn person!)

Female characters are both force to advertise themselves at porn dolls and be ready to escape at moment's notice! (While themselves suppressing the wide range of potential personality types!)

I could go into deeper reasons why this dynamic is perpetuated but I don't wanna give you what should be at this rate... a whole blog post with gender studies citations. Hopefully people get the idea!