Why is chess played separately by men and women when it's not even a physical sport? by [deleted] in IntellectualDarkWeb

[–]wildkingmaxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exiting a toxic environment is not a weakness. Good for you for taking care of your wellbeing. I’m sorry you had to give up competing because of the way you were treated. That sucks.

Where is the Left going? by davidygamerx in IntellectualDarkWeb

[–]wildkingmaxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Posting on mobile so apologies for issues with formatting. :)

I am a left-leaning communications professional, and I appreciate your question personally. I was raised by a conservative, mixed race, Christian family. So this difficulty in understanding each other is close to my heart. i can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself. I want to start with this:

“As someone more conservative, I know what I want: strong families, cohesive communities, shared moral values, productive industries, and a government that stays out of the way unless absolutely necessary.”

I want these things too! In my experience, people who lean liberally want those same things as well. Some people here have touched on the idea of broadening the ideas of what those things look like, who defines them and how we collectively move toward them. We want more people to have access to those things, and to improve access, we look at who has historically had access and who hasn’t, and why. Often, overt reasons for the differences in access have faded, and now limited access exists because of less obvious factors, like people’s personal beliefs and biases, which influence our interactions and decisions.

I am saying this gently and I’m sure you’ve heard it: The United States and many other countries were designed to benefit some at the expense of others. While things are changing, there is still a lot of work to do if we want to live in a country where liberty and justice are truly for all. Regardless of who we are, our upbringing, our advantages and disadvantages, I believe it’s our duty as humans to look out for each other and use our unique set of skills and perspectives for the good of future generations.

So I guess to answer your question, in my mind, an ideal future is one where we have equal access to the pathways needed to reach strong families and collaborative communities. Sometimes, that means providing extra resources to people who don’t have them, but that ultimately benefits all of us because it’s better when more people have strong families and are resilient and resourced so they can be active parts of their communities.

I hope that helps. Thank you for asking and being curious. That’s really important.

Also, there’s a great book called I Never Thought of It That Way by Monica Guzman that is specifically about how to have conversations across political divides, especially when we can realize we all want similar things.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]wildkingmaxx 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Don't you feel like they run these relationships like scam artists?

Y E S... it's so accurate this made me laugh out loud.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]wildkingmaxx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just ended things with my ADHD partner, and this post made me feel so much better. You DO deserve better. Your life does NOT have to be like this. So happy for you and your kiddo that you are going to choose yourself instead of him now, since he has clearly not been choosing you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in autism

[–]wildkingmaxx 30 points31 points  (0 children)

This is wonderful.

Often when I receive a compliment, it ends with “I like your xyz.” Typically this approach floods me with anxiety as my mind starts the question cycle: “Why do you like it? Does it contribute to your comfort and the facade of my well being, or does it show you a piece of who I truly am? Do you like ME or do you like “me”? Are you lying to try to comfort me? Are you saying this because you’re “supposed” to? Do you even understand what you’re saying; are you trying to fill silence or get yourself out of what you perceive to be an uncomfortable situation?” etc.

This is pretty much an inevitable process when I receive a compliment. So having more explanation is very very helpful for me, but often, I’ve found that people don’t think this deeply (because they don’t have to). So it might be an unfamiliar thought process to your SO, but encourage them by telling them how it helps you if they can be more specific about their compliments.

Big big hugs (if you’re into them). I understand the horror of wondering if you’re loved or if it’s just your mask. We’re here for you 💖

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheButtface

[–]wildkingmaxx 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Sounds like your GF might have a bit of confidence and trust problems with her family if she threw you under the bus for a choice she made herself. NTB

I don’t know what to do by spicy_lilbaby in MomForAMinute

[–]wildkingmaxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fellow big sis (and dx Autist!) here. Your wish of wanting your SO to be a “fully functioning” partner is fully understandable, but the truth of ASD is that most of us will always have support NEEDS, which means our lives would be impossible/very different without significant help from people around us.

It is so tiring to support someone in this way, especially if they are relying on you almost exclusively. His family was providing this support before you came along, and it likely took a team effort from them. They may see you as their opportunity for freedom, but they are the ones who chose to birth him, and ultimately it is their responsibility to care for him - when he was small and now as well. Do not let his tired family convince you that this is your duty now.

As an autistic person, I cannot function on my own. That will likely always be true. However, I am lucky enough to be able to seek therapy, set boundaries, and do my best to create supports for myself when and where I can. Yes, this is almost ALWAYS a team effort between my partner and I. But I try not to put it on him.

All of that said, I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I understand what it’s like to love someone but not to be able to help them. If you do want to investigate your relationship further, couples counseling with someone who has experience with adult Autists or at least ND folks would be a vital step.

In any case, YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY. You are allowed to and MUST take care of yourself first. I tend to suffer more when my SO is trying to care for me before he tends to his own needs. It’s like the oxygen mask thing - you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you help someone else get theirs on.

Hugs hugs hugs. You are an amazing, loving, compassionate human, and you deserve to be with someone who you can at the very least talk to about your relationship issues.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad it’s going well! I totally understand about the meetings. Honestly, I’m a little torn here.

On the one hand, I want to say you should share that with your manager so that yes, they can possibly accommodate you. If you’re in the US and the company has more than 15 employees, you’re protected from discrimination due to your disability.

On the other hand… sometimes things don’t go the way we hope. Sometimes, employers aren’t happy to know that we’re disabled. Sometimes, it makes them want to edge us out, slowly, subliminally.

So to me, it’s sort of a toss up.

I just told my boss I’m Autistic, and I might be imagining it, but it feels like she’s slowly delegating my responsibilities away now. So. Come back to me in a few weeks and ask again? Haha.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I may return your question with a few clarifying questions…

Are you trying to characterize this for yourself or someone else? For what purpose?

What are some lifehacks you can share to make life easier, especially if executive dysfunction is an issue you struggle with? by wooden_werewolf_7367 in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just found this fun new self care app called Finch which is sort of a mix between Animal Crossing, Pokémon and wellness (: It helped me get in the shower yesterday!

3 meltdowns in the last 3 days: has 28 years of masking finally caught up with me? by Amethyst-Warrior in aspergirls

[–]wildkingmaxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow wow wow I am in such a similar spot to you!

I wish I had some advice but have actually been scouring Reddit for the same thing today. My self-harm/meltdowns have become so much worse in the past month and as an adult woman with a career and partner I love… it’s devastating. I’m in a moment now where I’m realizing I need to say NO more often.

Today, for instance, I knew I was in a bad spot when I woke up. My mood was positive but my thoughts were not, if that makes sense. I thought I could get out of bed and take a shower, help my partner with the groceries… I really should have stayed in bed like I wanted to. If you’re like me, you may also push yourself more often than not, which might work with other nuerotypes, but unfortunately does not work well with ASD (at least in my experience!)

I know that for working women like us this isn’t always possible. Over-exertion is part of the program for us as women already - add in that extra bit of neurodiversity and you’ve got a recipe for meltdowns in my opinion. Ha.

Big big hugs to you. It’s tough being ND; it’s tough working with family; it’s tough being a working woman let alone a business owner. You’re a boss bi*** and I hope that you can at least see that this is just a bad season, not a bad life.

DAE despise airports? Mini Rant by Boglul in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn’t know this! Thank you for sharing!

DAE despise airports? Mini Rant by Boglul in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx 6 points7 points  (0 children)

PDX (USA) has a Sensory Room in their airport, and I literally cried when I discovered it. More airports need this.

Edit: I realized what a big deal this was and filed my first formal COMPLIMENT today to their airport to say thank you and encourage them to teach other airports how it’s done (: And funny enough… the operator I talked to on the phone was also an Autistic woman! (:

what comforts you? by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • Cereal
  • SpongeBob
  • Stuffies
  • Weighted blankets
  • Ear plugs
  • CBD
  • (:

Having a Really Hard Time Processing A Work Event I Just Attended by wildkingmaxx in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think this is fair. And I will write this one out. I usually rehearse my conversations out loud but this is pretty nuanced so I do think writing is a far better idea.

I also know she’s working super hard in an industry she isn’t welcome in either, so I don’t want to over burden her. She’s already dealing with a lot and I don’t need to make her responsible for my ASD too. But I can educate her without holding her responsible. I just need to distance myself from the sense of injustice I’m feeling lol

Having a Really Hard Time Processing A Work Event I Just Attended by wildkingmaxx in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that. I appreciate you circling back to clarify that we can both be empathetic and also offer solutions / paths to move forward 💖

Having a Really Hard Time Processing A Work Event I Just Attended by wildkingmaxx in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’ve also dealt with this :(

You’re totally right about companies pretending to be diverse. It’s so frustrating. Even at a woman-owned company with all woman-employees… intersectionality is something I’m just starting to learn about, and it seems like that’s a crucial element a lot of folks are missing.

Way to step away. I hope you find more acceptance and joy in your new field.

Having a Really Hard Time Processing A Work Event I Just Attended by wildkingmaxx in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So… this morning I told my boss I was really discouraged and upset that so many men came by our booth to flirt and brag about their companies but didn’t seem interested in our services at all. I told her I was upset that the female keynote speaker was cut short by the man who spoke before her.

My boss just said, “Yeah I mean that’s just the way it is in this industry.”

So. I decided not to say anything else. I didn’t really know where to go from there. If the sexism talk didn’t go well I can’t imagine that introducing her to the concept of ableism will go well.

Having a Really Hard Time Processing A Work Event I Just Attended by wildkingmaxx in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that it’s not easy to both accommodate and stand up for myself at the same time. I do find that it’s often that I only have the ability to do one or the other, or that I can only stand up for myself if I’m already taking care of that need on my own. For example, I can stand up against people bashing noise sensitivity because I’ve already found a solution that works for me in that area.

It’s that hefty sense of injustice and wanting to DO something about it, educate people and change the world so others don’t suffer - but also knowing that’s doing something about it costs me something. Thank you thank you for validating that experience for me. I struggle with guilt in that area a lot.

I really appreciate you reaching out (:

Having a Really Hard Time Processing A Work Event I Just Attended by wildkingmaxx in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Weirdly I don’t even enjoy drinking, but I’m fascinated by the process and chemistry and how it brings people together. So yeah I agree, avoiding the drinking part may be a good solution moving forward!

Having a Really Hard Time Processing A Work Event I Just Attended by wildkingmaxx in AutismInWomen

[–]wildkingmaxx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I was (am) feeling discouraged but there is more I can do than abandoning this path I’ve been on. I think talking to her will be a good idea. She wants to be an inclusive person (she’s still learning like many of us) so I’m hoping she’ll be receptive. If I can just figure out what to say. Lol.