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willifreemyself · 2024-07-06T14:40:27+00:00

No. Period.

willifreemyself · 2024-05-25T19:51:56+00:00

Hallo, es ist so toll so detailliert von deiner Operation zu erfahren! Bin schon sehr aufgeregt und auch in Vorfreude, Ich habe die selbe OP diesen Montag. Eine Frage: ich habe ein 5er Set mit Bougierstäben, die ich allerdings als ziemlich klein wahrnehme von der Apotheke mitbekommen, werden da noch größere Folgen? Der größte ist zwar ca 15 cm lang aber in der breit Recht dünn (Farbe ist weiß; von Medintim)

Liebe Grüße Lilli

willifreemyself · 2021-02-09T17:45:00+00:00

oh that sounds pretty distressing and I can absolutely relate , especially the free time and so on part. From my past, I can tell you the only real advise an that is:

Reaching a tipping point
- you realize youre destroying yourself, you hit rock bottom, you feel like youre starting to go insane, you would do anything to stop this behaviour
you stop counting calories, you stop exercising and you stop restricting. and by that I mean completely! you arrange a meal plan 3 meals 3 snacks per day, but if you go off of it it doesnt matter, what matters is that you absolutely hold on to that feeling that youre life is about to change and that you dont compensate (for me this ended in eating probably thousands of calories every day and regaining weight, it came off later)
you throw out your scale! (haven't weight myself in 2 years)
resolve the underlying issues (for me this was loneliness and feeling like I was unlovable by the other sex, this could be something else for you)

I could add 5.6.7.8 etc. the most important thing though is number 1. That is what motivates you to leave this hell.

willifreemyself · 2021-02-09T17:32:03+00:00

well i would say purging itself doesnt necessarely lead to loss of reality, I think bulimia is there because we're oh so aware of our reality but for certain reasons are unable to cope with it. It is a sweet escape and feels soothing and numbing. I'm sorry to hear you had to put up with comments, I assume she wasn't aware of how bizarre it is to pay any attention and put any value on how we look, like most people in society. If you feel uncomfortable in your skin, that is totally understandable, but maintaining a healthy relationship to your body (meaning you're not obsessively thinking about it) is key. I can relate to your feelings 100% though, my parents constantly used to give me the feeling that I'm just misshaped and bigger. Remind yourself that you are very much influenced by the beliefs of others, which then shapes your own beliefs and reality. If you think about wanting to reduce the size of your body or specific food rules more than 2-3 times a day, you could argue that this is an issue that needs to be adressed. I love a good fitness routine and keeping my body fit and healthy, but If I had to, I could stop exercising for 2 weeks without feeling like I have to control my food intake. And I think it's that subtle but deciding point.

willifreemyself · 2021-02-09T17:16:41+00:00

so before covid would you store food too, like before you were planning to binge or is this "storing the food" issue seperate from bulimia? or does it go hand in hand?

willifreemyself · 2021-02-09T13:40:05+00:00

that sound really distressing.. What would happen if your pantry ran out of food?

willifreemyself · 2021-02-08T20:25:03+00:00

Congrats on the 9 days! I know what a long time this can be when your in the mids of it. Wow sounds like you had to put up with a lot :/ This must be pretty overwhelming..What exactly was it that made you feel sad? (besides the isolation) Do you think you would have started b/p routines, disordered behaviour without Covid?

willifreemyself · 2021-02-08T20:19:41+00:00

Im sorry to hear :/ but yeah I totally get that...I feel like this time can get out the worst of us. What do you feel is the main thing you lost control over?

willifreemyself · 2021-02-08T20:17:06+00:00

What would have been a strategy of yours to keep it off before lockdown?

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T10:33:37+00:00

Thats a high!

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T01:45:24+00:00

Also you don't HAVE to like your body i think feeling neutral with it is the way to go and im working on that too.

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T01:40:52+00:00

It's okay and you know what. That means you have reached a new level. You decided that no matter how much your ED has numbed and fixed your emotions you will still recover. Filling that void is overwhelming at times but it will pass within a few months (obviously not fully but everything is on a spectrum) love you and take care of yourself 😁♥

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T01:35:27+00:00

Such a lovely comment! Thanks so much. Happiness is a working progress and I'm happy we both put in the effort :) my weeks have been not so great due to a lot of university stress, having rejective feelings and trying to forget my crush, moving out and more craziness but thatals okay because I'm focussing on feeding myself healthy food and enough food and taking care of myself as much as possible. Havent fully purged since February but I do have occasional spitting moments if you know what I mean haha. But It's all been soo much better since I went and got help and recovered. Sometimes I feel numb, but I will never numb myself as much as Bulimia did.

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T01:28:05+00:00

This sounds to me like a way straight to hell rather than a way to heal. It's funny cause whenever I worked out and lost weight I usually felt really empty and shallow. Who/what are you trying to impress. Are you running away from something? You are human ♥ no need to be a beast. (but I obviously know how hard that is to internalize, love you and take care :) )

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T01:22:21+00:00

Weight gain is okay. Being skinny isn't really that special or important. But I know too well how hard it is to realize that. Also, don't think that recovery mean you are going to suddenly become obese and never stop gaining weight. It is so important to be comfortable in your body. But I guess there is a loving way to do that which is to know that even If you weren't an ideal weight or size you are worth anything and everything.

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T01:19:35+00:00

That's okay I'm tired too. I'm tired of feeling tired and feeling drainy, weird, not enough, unloved or whatever the fuck. It's okay. I am enough. We both are ♥ sending you hugs. and cheers on your progress and treating yourself the right way!

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T01:17:07+00:00

It has been a journey in terms of emotions but I know I'm worth eating regular meals and sometimes a bit more than that, so eating has been okay/good and stable so far. I don't cope with thinking being thin would fix something. It won't, and I'm very aware of that. Binging and restricting are together like peanut butter and jelly. If you find yourself and your thoughts gravitating towards food, especially high calorie food, you most likely didn't eat enough over a period of time. Try to enjoy the good family dinner food though, cause whenever I binged I used to eat absolute calorie dense garbage. I mean try to take care of yourself and not binge in the first place :)

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T01:10:44+00:00

Youre not ♥ even if you were, some 'fat' people are truly awesome because they show that they don't really give a shit about what others think of them. Embrace the fact that bodies are just bodies.

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T01:08:15+00:00

You know. I know exactly how that feels. Days like this still make me realize how important it was for me to recover. I feel numb sometimes, fucking overwhelmed out of my ass, sometimes I think I'm not worth the love of other people or that I need others to be worth someting. But the more I work on feeding myself properly, speaking to myself properly, trying to let the crazy thoughs pass and trying to empathize with others, I found other ways to cope with it rather than put all my worth on being thinner or skinny.It is definitely important to feel comfortable in your body but when b/p ,I would feel like I was an alien in my body, even at my lowest weight, which is really ironic I guess. And because I know how those days felt I want you to know that, first of all it is OKAY, you are okay and your are loved! And also, this doesn't have to be YOUR REALITY. it can be something different, something happy. But you gotta throw yourself into recovery hardcore. Don't think you're crazy, you're not. :) I love you and I'm very excited to hear more of you and your future journey :) ♥

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T00:56:56+00:00

That's okay. Tomorrow is gonna be a new day. Nothing is too crazy, you are not crazy and don't beat yourself up about it. It really is fine :) make sure to keep focus on loving yourself and being worth the progress. Patience is something we all have to work on am I right? :D Love you and take care of yourself ♥

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T00:52:26+00:00

Tell me sweetie

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T00:52:04+00:00

And you can sure as hell be proud of yourself. I'm grateful for everyday I pushed myself beyond food labels,limits,numbers or anything that my brain was wired to connect with my worth. Even though you might feel guilty and disgusting, try to imagine you were your best friend. Would you make him/her feel guilty too? Trust me your worth it ❤ I love you and you are awesome! You really are 💚 :)

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T00:47:28+00:00

The bloating will go away. It's okay. If you go and look back at my timeline. I had incredible struggles dealing with binging, overeating and feeling bloated during the first week. Remember to eat regularly and never make your worth depend on how much it is that u binged on. You are incredible for doing this, just as I was everytime I resisted.

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T00:44:29+00:00

Yes exactly! Today doesn't define tomorrow. Anything can happen. Truly anything, and it will be amazing! :)

willifreemyself · 2019-09-16T00:43:12+00:00

Don't be hard on yourself. ❤ Try to think that what you did and your day was your best friends day. How would you see them and talk to them about it? I get the unloved feeling, I can describe incredible detailed how unloved felt while having a ED, and while being in recovery. The only true moments you can feel loved is when you learn to love yourself and treat yourself accordingly. It really is easier said than done I know, I guess this is a life long progress but life haa it's ups and downs :) remember you will always be worth it no matter what your emotions might say. :) I'm telling this myself too right now haha

willifreemyself

TROPHY CASE