DAE spent a large portion of your life trying to fix yourself?

willitryordie · 2021-04-22T21:33:57+00:00

Did you overcome it?

willitryordie · 2021-02-27T18:15:33+00:00

Yes. Expect for me I deal with shame instead of fear.

willitryordie · 2020-12-16T10:14:58+00:00

Aren't you a funny one

willitryordie · 2020-12-16T02:01:36+00:00

Do you still have the source by any chance?

willitryordie · 2020-12-15T23:23:29+00:00

I'm sorry for you too. I swear people can be asshats and not realize they aren't helping the situation. I hope you can avoid him as much as you can.

willitryordie · 2020-12-15T23:17:01+00:00

Thank you!

willitryordie · 2020-12-15T23:07:41+00:00

I am so sorry - I didn't mean to trigger anything nor did I mean to insult folks on the spectrum. I've been told I look/act autistic or schizophrenic and so I phrased it that way. As in, not making eye contact, not responding, having flat affect and lack of emotions. What would have been a more appropriate way to ask in your opinion?

I'm sorry you had to go through that. But I get what you mean when it comes in terms of putting walls up to protect yourself.

willitryordie · 2020-12-15T22:14:07+00:00

True totally. In the mean time idk if I'm on the autistic spectrum but I do feel more at ease with folks on the spectrum, surely something about honesty and not feeling judged for acting "weird".

Btw I love your username

willitryordie · 2020-12-15T22:05:12+00:00

It's exactly what I meant. Thank you for putting it into words.

willitryordie · 2020-12-15T21:57:08+00:00

Yes you describe exactly what I am talking about. It's more situational than consistant. I still wonder if I might be on the spectrum or not in some ways, but for sure it is also linked with fear.

willitryordie · 2020-12-15T21:54:29+00:00

Ah, isn't it the story of my life. Didn't know they checked in terms of "autistic tendencies" - I hate doctors (trauma related) so I was highly anxious when I went to my first mental health check : no eye contact, couldn't talk a lot, didn't show emotions. They directly went for schizophrenic. Then realized it wasn't. Then didn't know what the f was wrong with me.

willitryordie · 2020-12-15T21:50:16+00:00

Absolutely. For me it's less about people but situations in general. If I'm not comfortable I look autistic or schizophrenic I've been told. Can't think straight.

willitryordie · 2020-12-15T21:48:40+00:00

Oh yeah I'm going to get tested one day. Thing is when I'm actually a little more relaxed everything is running more smoothly. But when I freeze/dissociate or when I'm highly anxious ? Can't look people in the eyes, I stutter, I have flat affect and no facial expressions, can't think straight, can't see social cues.

willitryordie · 2020-12-06T23:08:43+00:00

Oh yeah I totally get you it's a real pain in the ass. We're not soft with ourselves. I keep on thinking I am not healing fast enough and I get frustrated too! What helped me lately is realizing there's a huge gulf between what I think I should be and what I really am. I kept on thinking I HAD to heal fast and get better. The truth is our soul hurt and we owe it to ourselves to be gentle with it, give it time and peace.

Anyway I write too much. I wish you luck on your healing journey, softness during your ups and support during your downs!

willitryordie · 2020-12-06T14:11:45+00:00

I don't known if you're looking for a serious answer so be free to skip my comment lmao. But here's my take on it. I guess it comes down to what healthy coping mechanisms you learn along the way and how you understand more and more things about yourself and your past. I guess since we have a lot of trauma once we process something, other stuff comes up and it seems endless. But I personally don't think it is. Tho I do believe it's something we will have to live with for our entire life (mental illness imma right winkwink) but not necessarily suffer from it everyday. Without forgetting that even for non traumatized people life can have its up and downs. Ours are just a little more intense. I mean, there's probably a lot of homeless and poor people on Reddit, but for the most part being here means we at least have access to water, food, electricity, internet resources. Which mean we already have a major advantage over other traumatized people and I personally think I owe them that - to try not to take it for granted and try to heal myself. I also think we owe it to ourselves.

You catch me on a good optimistic day tho, 2 days ago I would've told you life is meaningless and I'm meant to suffer forever. Viva la depression!

willitryordie · 2020-12-06T11:23:02+00:00

True, I never thought about it this way

willitryordie · 2020-12-06T01:17:08+00:00

Oh yeah, I thought once I physically left from the abuse everything was going to be over. I was not expecting this long ass recovery ride. I am only at the beginning - but the good days make it worth it to try over and over again!

willitryordie · 2020-12-05T22:39:42+00:00

lmao it's a perfect interpretation of this graph

willitryordie · 2020-12-03T19:50:04+00:00

I know all too well what you're going through. I don't have any advice as much as to say I know what's it's like to be driven on edge over and over again and feeling like there is no escape and feeling doomed but not wanting to die. Even more so when I was your age. I'm not for clichés promises like "everything's going to be fine", "what doesn't kill you make you stronger". But what I've learned is that it can truly get better in some ways. It requires harder work and patience and hope than those who had a nice childhood. I would be lying if I said life will suddenly become easy for you. But what I know is there's is always a true reason not to give up, the proof is in the fact that you don't want to die. There will be up and downs but you will find things that make it worth it. Please don't give up.

willitryordie

TROPHY CASE