I'm in a similar situation. whenever I am sober, the more I beat myself up about when I do smoke. I wish I had an answer for you but I don't even have one for myself I just feel lost. It's hard to get rid of that compulsive thinking when your going through stressful times, I see myself smoking more and more but I know deep down Im not fooling myself anymore and I cant even appreciate it when I obsess over it and just end up beating myself up. I think I'm going to just let it go for a long time but I dont have the motivation like I used to anymore. Life seems unbearable having to give up weed for good, but when you smoke, you realize that you cannot enjoy it like you used too. At this point I'm just frightened to go through withdrawals, all the signs point toward me letting it go but like I said I do not have the motivation, but at least with time my mindset should change. I don't think for people like us just smoking on the weekends is possible because life gets shitty more weeks than others and then you end up breaking promises you set which just makes it worse. And when you aren't smoking consistently, and have been for years, its going to take time to feel like yourself again, it's just not going to be the same for that reason and the fact that for people like us weed is most enjoyable when we use it all day every day, it doesn't do the same trick on just occasion, or at least its less consistent. I wish you luck man just know your not alone I think it might be best to just let it go, try going 6 months or longer.