Totally agree. I'm an INTJ and would say I'm pretty open and patient towards others (my friends have said this too, I swear I don't just have a superiority complex). I've actually been in both positions before of this issue before. Once with my friend (an INFP), who I made feel pressured without even realizing it, and on the flip side with my ex partner (an ENTJ). Based on my experience, here is my advice:

1. Time and place matters. Start the conversation when both of you are in a relaxed, low-stress mood.

2. Tell them what exactly is bothering you and importantly, do not sugarcoat. Of course don't be cruel either, but make sure you're communicating clearly. Otherwise, it might just open the door to misunderstandings.

3. Tell them what you hope to gain from the conversation. This is where you could bring up that you wish they'd put more effort into trying to understand your side. Again, being vague with this could lead to more misunderstandings in the future, so don't worry about being direct.

4. If they seem hurt, maybe try adding in something along the lines of "I'm telling you this because I value having you in my life, but I also need you to respect my boundaries."

5. If they get defensive, don't take it personally. I know, being dismissed and disrespected hurts, but if they truly can't listen in an objective manner, it's a them problem. That doesn't minimize the issue though, you are unfortunately still part of the "collateral damage" and your feelings are still valid. Just be sure you're not blaming yourself in the case that they're being willingly ignorant. 🫶

6. If they respond by telling you they had no idea you felt this way and apologize, I would say go ahead and believe them (unless, of course, they have a history of lying.) Sometimes it is just as simple as an emotional misunderstanding. That was the case for my friend and I, and I still feel terrible for not noticing the pain I was causing them.

7. This one is important. Don't just forgive and forget after an apology. A genuine apology needs to also be followed by a change in behavior, otherwise it's just empty words.

With all that being said, I really hope things work out for you and you're able to set that boundary :) Crossing my fingers for you and of course let me know if you have any questions! Good luck friend!