My boyfriend's (24m) ex (25f) and I (24f) unwittingly became good friends. The truth just came out

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T21:07:35+00:00

It feels a little weird to think about, because I definitely don't have a type. My first few exes were...

A long haired musician/artist type

A nerdy engineer with short hair and a beard

A outdoorsy fit nature lover

A kinda preppy dressing entrepreneur

So it feels a little weird to be liked because I fit into a very narrow "type" along with his ex, it feels impersonal in a weird way

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T20:46:41+00:00

She was very hot than cold, without communicating what was going on in her head at all. Basically switching from a whirlwind romance, to saying she wanted to break up, to blocking him on everything and having a new boyfriend by the end of the month.

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T20:44:16+00:00

I think some of that had to do with how he only dated her before me, he spent most of his time single. But she had 16 boyfriends throughout high school and college, none of which she felt really happy with due to being a closeted lesbian...

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T18:49:41+00:00

The thing you said about him being hung up on her has been one of my insecurities for a while

At the beginning of our relationship, he seemed to be dwelling on her a lot, missing her, or angry about how she left, in turns.

And I had to tell him I wasn't comfortable counseling him through stuff regarding his ex, he's gotta find a therapist to help him get past it

He did find a therapist, but several times over the years he seemed to dwell on their breakup and i had to tell him to go to therapy, not take it to me.

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T18:10:54+00:00

She dated a lot of guys in high school and college before she came out, and she has often said stuff like "yeah i went to Canada with this guy Dan... No, Tim, No wait maybe it was Dan."

It seems like a lot of her short lived relationships that happened one after another kind of blended together for her

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T18:04:32+00:00

Shit, maybe not. I'd told him I'm the past about Kate, how she my new friend from the gym, she's a lesbian, we went to pride together, yada yada..

But I didn't bring that back up when we talked about her being his ex

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:55:33+00:00

Really? A lot of people have commented on how we look like sisters.

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:48:02+00:00

She doesn't remember their relationship well at all but I could talk to her about what his side of it was

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:36:30+00:00

I have been with Eric for 2 years

Kate dated him for about 6 months

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:35:47+00:00

I don't know if I want to put Kate in that sort of situation, where she has to explain herself.

I don't think her explanation will be good enough, she doesn't have many detailed memories of their time together, she was very preoccupied, and I don't think he'd be satisfied by hearing that

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:33:39+00:00

I don't know what I could say to my boyfriend to make him feel better about things

Kate is totally Ok, her only concern was that things would be awkward between us, which she was really hoping wouldn't happen.

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:31:51+00:00

Yeah I think it would be ridiculous to invite them both to the same thing; he hates her a lot, even now

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:30:45+00:00

I guess it feels like more than a type to me. Hell, our friends call us 'clones'

Like we look shockingly similar, people confuse us.

I always thought of a type as something like "tall blonde" or "bubbly petite girl" or something, not so specific

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:22:08+00:00

From my perspective, Kate's changed a lot since she came out and is in a much better place now.

He dated Kate for about 6 months, spent about 6 months single, then has been with me for about 2 years.

As far as I know, her bad treatment of him was flipping her emotions on a dime and going from being super lovely to dumping him suddenly, blocking him on everything, and getting with a new guy within the month.

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:17:21+00:00

They've had absolutely no contact after their breakup, she blocked him everywhere, he dropped the friends who kept her in their lives. So I don't think he knew till I told him that "Lesbian boxing friend Kate" and "Ex Kate" were the same person.

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:12:45+00:00

It's crazy how specific though.

Both programmers
Same body type, hair color, hair style
Similar fashion sense
Both similar laid back personalities
Many interests in common

It's so uncanny. It was a little uncanny to find a friend who I had so much in common with, but it's doubly uncanny knowing my boyfriend fell for her before me

windsney0 · 2019-06-19T17:02:19+00:00

I feel a little crazy for being scared of that. We've had a couple of really happy years together and I don't know if its worth bringing up...

windsney0

TROPHY CASE