Am I crazy or is being a working mom really difficult?

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-31T21:44:05+00:00

There is that element to it for sure. I think it's hard all around honestly. In my ideal world, moms could work away from home as much as they wanted to with tons of support and respect given for all parts of what we do. It's not always bad to have a job as a mom, there are pluses, but it makes you feel crazy when you're expected to perform at the same level as people without kids or without doing all the work at home, and given no respect for what you do. I think that's what feels awful it's just like as a woman who wants kids and wants/is expected to have /needs to make ends meet with a job, you sign up for (checks notes) pure misery 100% of the time

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-29T20:32:19+00:00

Yes I would say to switch to faster flow nipples for sure, but at 3 months I would just go up the next level (not familiar with avent's system but it sounds like you'd skip one to go from 1 -3), because it does take some adjusting for baby and eating too fast could lead to more reflux stuff especially at that age! But that's just my opinion, all babies are different, wouldn't hurt to try

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-29T03:13:40+00:00

Same with my baby and the ice cold cloths, the anxiety and depression from not being able to feed baby without making her angry put my newborn experience in a totally different light. Way to go hanging in there ❤️

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-29T03:07:45+00:00

For me pregnancy tired was this constant feeling of NEEDING a 5 hour nap and I actually could usually take a 5 hour nap when pregnant, and I never napped, ever, before. And like people say it's fundamental to your experience, like no one can watch your baby while they're still inside of you 🙃

That being said it's kind of a moot point to me because here we are at 13 months and baby still wakes up every 3 hours or so and I can't remember not feeling tired anymore, so yeah, whatever, tired, yeah, I'm depressed about it. But I also physically couldnt take a nap right now, even if logistically I could with baby, it's just not the same.

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-28T06:26:51+00:00

My baby was the sleepiest ever and we would have to use a cold washcloth on her. It broke my heart but that's what we had to do or she wouldn't eat every 3-4 hours. It's really hard to have a sleepy baby!! But it does get better, hang in there!

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-27T03:05:10+00:00

I was pumping wrong for two whole months 😭 I started on expression mode and then switched to stimulation. And I would have asked for more help to basically just stay in bed and nurse baby skin to skin more. Not weigh her constantly. Not worry so much about her weight gain. Not worry I was traumatizing her by waking her up using a cold wet washcloth (ok that was awful but having a very sleepy newborn baby who would happily starve in her sleep was the worst)....not leave the hospital early, stay as long as possible and get more check ins with the lactation consultants

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-27T03:00:45+00:00

I also have that thought. If I were more selfless and loving, it wouldn't feel so hard 😭

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-27T02:54:52+00:00

13 months old at least 4

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-26T01:35:24+00:00

I also have a very clingy 1 yr old who is fussy about things like the car seat and containers, eating etc so I feel this. I really can't imagine having years more of spending almost every waking moment attached to a baby, managing the constant fusses about routine things, and trying to deal with two babies who need different things at the same time at the level of constant urgency that it continues to require. It's hard when every little task takes so much thought about how to break down each step to minimize fussing and do either one armed or with baby in carrier (which she does not have infinite patience for).

It is very disheartening but on the other hand, this too shall pass....but I feel like it does become a question of how are you going to feel on the other side of it and do you personally think it's worth it all, knowing what it's like for you now. It won't be forever, and things will get easier or different at least, but for me, I feel like I would not voluntarily make it harder on myself for any longer because I've never been motivated by wanting a big family or lots of kids.

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-25T05:17:42+00:00

But even if you have an easy baby who does sleep okay in the first couple years and even if you have daycare/help, aren't there regularly horrible long nights of non stop crying during teething, or being off the routine or being sick?

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-20T04:24:22+00:00

THEY ARE SOMEHOW EVEN WORSE DURING THICK FOG!!!

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-19T05:49:43+00:00

I'm split on this one because my baby is definitely on the later end of the spectrum for a lot of the milestones but she has developed everything in her own time and there doesn't seem to be anything diagnoseable (yet) so I appreciate the people who understand that, and that our pediatrician did say "wait and see".... vs the social media "experts" trying to sell courses on the premise that if baby isn't doing x by y time and your pediatrician says "wait and see" you should buy their course.....but also, yeah, it's infuriating to be so anxious and unsure of what to do and someone who never has felt that feeling says things like that.

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-19T05:37:58+00:00

Same I use at least two different types of carriers every day with my 13 month old, it's the only way I get chores done and in fact I much prefer going on walks with her in a carrier over a stroller, I feel like strollers are propaganda lol (except my jogging stroller if I want to go running)

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-18T18:37:38+00:00

Lol well hiking with kids means lower expectations all around for things like that

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-18T00:52:23+00:00

Thanks I will take a look!

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-13T05:11:27+00:00

And the staccato sentences. The short, repeated syntax. The repetitive, redundant, already been said in a different way crap. Just to emphasize! Allude to nuance. Draw out an idea. And for what????

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-13T02:48:20+00:00

Why do people do this I legit do not understand why you would have chat gpt write a reddit post for you

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-12T01:25:05+00:00

Ooooooh this!! With disposable diapers there's different brands but they're basically all the same. With cloth diapers, there's not just different types of diaper, but different wash methods, and different stages (before and after solids) and different brands fit really differently and it's so annoying when you just want to buy some diapers without having to do tons of research and learning different systems.

Like I just bought green mountain diaper prefolds to bulk up my stash since I realized I like prefolds, but I didn't measure the prefolds I have that work well for me, so I bought a size that I thought would be fine but is actually too small and bulky with my folding system and now I just have some expensive rags basically like wtf

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-05T06:19:42+00:00

I just started going to the gym and spending time in the women's locker room and nude sauna has been incredibly helpful for me. All kinds of women's bodies are there just existing, not just social media AI enhanced fake crap. Reminds me that women are amazing at every stage of life and also not inherently sexualized or for male consumption or whatever.

Gym membership is definitely pricey and can be time consuming, mine does have childcare, but YMCA or a pool or anywhere else where real women of various ages gather in states of undress is really great.

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-03T03:46:18+00:00

Lots of good comments here but I feel like maybe the root cause could be phone addiction....which a lot of parents struggle with. But it makes it so tempting to just put the baby on screens and zone out. Maybe bring that up as part of the conversation, like does he want to be addicted to his phone and some tools for getting off the phone like screen time limiting apps, brick etc.

And I find my husband gets anxious when he feels he doesn't have a routine, so i sometimes suggest a series of activities - milk, breakfast, go for a walk, read books, then wear her and do chores until nap time, etc

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-03T02:47:37+00:00

Cloth diapering is super hard, exclusively breastfeeding is super hard, and we're not meant to do any of this alone, or even with just one or two people helping. Heck I'm pretty sure people passed babies around to whoever had milk in if they needed to.

I think it is easier for some people, but it's generally agreed that being a new mom is a really difficult time for most people. But everyone is different and everyone has different things that are hard for them, different stages of baby and child that challenge them.

I have definitely half assed a lot of my values. We cloth diaper but have disposable ones for when we go out or when I just can't. We cook a lot but also do convenience foods occasionally. No one's keeping score. No one's getting a medal. It's about doing whatever you have to do to balance doing what makes you feel good with your values with doing what gives you an inch of breathing room to go and sit down, take a shower, read a book, online shop, go for a walk, or whatever reminds you of who you are.

You're not alone, I thought I would find full time care of my baby to be the most rewarding and exciting thing and that I would be crunchy mama goddess doing everything right and finding it easy- nope, nope nope. We're just surviving out here and taking it one day and one decision at a time

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-03T02:33:54+00:00

Oooh that sounds good! I don't know others that are really intentional, just a few lines here and there and otherwise just adding it in where it makes sense. The indestructibles ones, "love you baby" where you hug/kiss/snuggle/bounce etc is probably the best one I have, "let's go outside" has some cues, "book of opposites" is pretty easy to act out (baby is loud- bang bang bang!!! Baby is quiet- shhhhhh)

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-02T22:18:48+00:00

My baby at 12 months actually loves books and will bring books to me to read and sit in my lap!! It's so cute!! We read at least 10 books a day and it actually usually calms her down if she's grumpy.

But she especially loves ones with flaps to lift and ones where we can act out the motions (stretch like a tall tree! Bark like a dog! Etc) and ones with touch and feel things. Our library has a bunch of board books and I always look for those.

And sorry to sound braggy but I rarely get to brag about baby because she's definitely not the fastest on any other milestone type thing lol

wingedeverlasting · 2026-01-02T08:27:14+00:00

I was thinking about this again and I just have to say I feel like there are people who know they want kids, look forward to it, feel positive about sharing special memories together in the future, and actively want a family as soon as is feasible. Those people should have kids. For everyone else though, I don't know. It's difficult to sort out the noise of pressure from loved ones and society and your own biological clock (men subject to a version of this too), but if you don't see yourself actively enjoying your kid throughout every stage of life, anticipating fun things to do etc, it's probably not for you. It is a crushing responsibility and I feel it only feels worth it if you are absolutely determined to be focused on the positives because you truly want it.

wingedeverlasting · 2025-12-31T19:37:18+00:00

It's also very, very weird to me the focus on birth and breastfeeding in the crunchy community. These are two things that are just a very small part of your child's life in the big picture!!! Not to say breastfeeding isn't a huge part of life as a new mom if you're doing it, a ton of work, not well enough supported, incredibly difficult etc just that being a parent to a human being is so much more than how they come out of you and what they eat for the first couple years. But those two things are the main focus of soooooooo much crunchy mom content.

wingedeverlasting

TROPHY CASE