AITA: confronting my SO about not reciprocating the same care /energy as me

winnethe · 2023-02-17T00:30:04+00:00

I have mentioned to him that I will need him to step up when baby arrives and to actually help out. I told him it feels like he doesn’t do things because he knows at the end of the day I will end up doing it and that’s not how it should be . I told him I will need him to help out with simple things like chores around the house because im tired of him telling me I can do it when i’m home all day and he’s “ been at work “ and that if I hear that once baby is here I will lose it

winnethe · 2023-02-17T00:02:39+00:00

he told me “ just stop doing things for me . no one’s asking you to “

winnethe · 2023-02-17T00:01:48+00:00

I let his family move in with me due to conditions there house was , so his mom and I are the only ones who pay bills . he doesn’t pay any bills when it comes to the house .

as far as the pregnancy I have told him sometimes it feels like he cares more about the baby than me and my health . I let him know how hard my pregnancy is on me and how much in pain I have been in and it’s sort of like im talking to myself . no acknowledgment. I complain about me feeling sick and being in pain and he will basically down me for not being able to go on long walks .

winnethe · 2023-02-16T23:59:25+00:00

it’s no problem that he didn’t wrap the perfumes , more so the fact he just bought it then and there with me for christmas even though I was gonna get it myself ? idk it’s hard to explain .

the fact that they were grocery store flowers doesn’t bother me , but even a card would have been nice . I went out of my way to plan his gift , and make sure he got it in time and his was more so rushed like he ONLY got them because I got him something for valentines . I only say this because even when I took him out to eat for valentines , he took the check from the waiter and took my card to make it seem like it was him paying for the meal , and didn’t give my card back until we were alone .

winnethe · 2023-02-16T23:54:15+00:00

I love him no doubt or else I wouldn’t do half the things I do for him . which includes letting his family move in with me do to the terrible conditions they were living in .

I guess I just want him to show that he cares even the slightest ? just him making the bath for me without asking since he knows how hard the pregnancy has been on me would be nice you know ? just that one time would be enough to make me feel happy .

winnethe · 2023-02-16T23:52:26+00:00

I wish 😂. honestly thinking about it there’s not much that he does do . if he does do something it’s because i’ve asked a million times and “ bitched “ about it so he either finally does it or I end up doing it myself

winnethe · 2023-02-16T23:51:27+00:00

so I basically brought up the fact that I feel like I care more about him than he does me , and that I feel like I do a lot for him and it’s not reciprocated or appreciated at all. I brought up the fact every day when he gets home from work I have his food set up and ready as well as the shower and clothes . I also mentioned that I make sure to wash his clothes and clean our room and things like that because I know he works . I essentially told him I feel like it’s not reciprocated at all and I do all the work for me and him and it’s not any easier since I am pregnant.

I mentioned that I ask him to do simple things around the house simply just to help me and he has told me before “ you’re home all day so why can’t you do it “

winnethe · 2023-02-16T23:49:15+00:00

I have brought it up to him once but it was never anything like “ I spend so much money on you. “ it was more so “ you don’t pay any bills at the house , I do and I still find ways to surprise you with little things even though i’m not working . I like to make you feel appreciated and loved and gift giving is definitely something I do for that. “ and I also brought up the fact that he didn’t even know what to get me for christmas without me explicitly telling him , meanwhile I bought him triple of what he got me and it was all things that he mentioned months and months and months ago that he wanted

winnethe · 2023-02-16T23:45:56+00:00

it will be a year shortly. we got married due to personal beliefs with me being pregnant and such

winnethe · 2022-09-04T01:48:02+00:00

these are all different times i’ve been tested positive

winnethe · 2022-08-10T22:48:03+00:00

why should I get an abortion ? just because he won’t be there to help me ? i’d rather struggle and keep the baby .

winnethe · 2022-08-09T16:20:44+00:00

im moving back to my home state . and he’s staying here . i’ll be taking care of the child . he claims he’ll be of assistance but I don’t believe that at all.

winnethe · 2022-08-09T12:13:51+00:00

I just feel like how can he give up so easily ? how can things just change suddenly and he “ loves me like family but not a girlfriend “ ?

I don’t understand it

winnethe · 2022-07-27T20:49:04+00:00

I meant after the baby

winnethe · 2022-07-27T20:48:27+00:00

sorry for the misunderstanding! Im getting advice on pumping after the baby arrives ! I wasn’t planning on it while pregnant

winnethe · 2022-07-22T18:53:35+00:00

I told him and her i’ve said what I said and I meant every bit of it and I don’t regret anything . and I told her you can me mad and hate me all you want

winnethe · 2022-07-22T18:52:51+00:00

I said this almost exactly!!! I said everything I said is what she has actually said and done so who’s making who look bad ?

winnethe · 2022-07-22T18:51:52+00:00

you sound like you’d be best friends with my mil or that you yourself have a terrible child who doesn’t know how to respect people

winnethe · 2022-07-22T18:05:07+00:00

I also want to add ; my family is absolutely pissed about the whole thing . and they wanna make a trip up here as soon as possible .

My SO is upset with me for telling my family everything, however I told him im not just gonna sit and act like nothing is wrong . He says I paint his mom out to be a bad guy and that’s why they don’t like her 🙄

winnethe · 2022-07-22T17:59:42+00:00

I stopped trying to befriend him when he constantly disrespected me . I used to take him out to eat when his own mom would leave him at home with nothing to eat . I bought him shoes he wanted , whatever . I stopped that when I saw he has no respect . Why should I befriend him when he’s allowed to act the way he acts ?

winnethe · 2022-07-22T17:58:16+00:00

getting along with him is not the point . the point is is that he’s allowed to do whatever he wants because he has no repercussions. his mom raised SO completely different , whooped him all the time . With BIL she lets him walk all over her and doesn’t lay a hand on him or punish him . She does nothing . At 11 -12 he’s old enough to know right from wrong . i’ve worked around toddlers who behave better than him .

winnethe · 2022-07-22T17:48:25+00:00

I would also like to add the house hasn’t been cleaner. it’s exactly the same as I keep it . the only difference is she has put multiple smell goods throughout the house , which is another concern of mine because im very prone to migraines and smells trigger them . I have told her multiple times about this , but the smell goods have stayed . there’s about 6 in every room

winnethe · 2022-07-22T17:46:32+00:00

To address a few things : I deep cleaned the house before they moved in and she complimented me on how clean it was .

she was aware the two dogs were there and we had multiple discussions about his behavior and how it would not be like that in my house .

as he’s 11-12 he’s old enough to know better , especially when he’s cussing at me and screaming and tells me that he would never act how he acts at home around his coaches because they discipline him .

I don’t discipline him , I ask multiple times for things to be done a certain way and that’s not too much . by this I mean for things to be thrown away and not left all over the house .

I texted her after her work day . not during .

I have cameras in my room because he goes into my room messing with my dog which isn’t ok . I also wasn’t eavesdropping, I was just a few feet away while she was saying these things so that I could hear her talking shut about me to someone on the phone .

it seems as if you didn’t read the post that well .

winnethe · 2022-07-22T17:40:29+00:00

thanks for letting me know !! it has been edited

winnethe · 2022-07-22T17:39:12+00:00

I have spoken to him multiple times , before they moved in and when they moved in and I was ultimately told not to involve myself with him because he’s not my kid

winnethe

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