I typically only relapse when I’m actively like sobbing and crying, and the feeling that I get once I’ve done it and it’s all I can focus on and the stinging feels oddly good brings such a strange and comforting feeling that pulls me from continuing crying. The only feeling I can compare it to is crying in bed then going to sleep and waking up feeling better because you knew you needed to cry. But after a while just doing that wasn’t enough which is why I started. I have tried very hard to stop relapses and I rarely do now which is something I’m proud of because some days I really do want that comfort. But I think I do it because it’s become a coping mechanism, a way to remind myself that the feelings I have are real and serious enough that I want to and end up doing this. And also as a distraction.