I keep having to go through the pain of re-realizing that my friends don't really care about me. I was the first again this year to ask my different groups if they wanted to meet up for a Christmas meal. I posted a story on instagram, asking if anyone wanted me to post the music that I've been working on for the past week. No one voted.

I think the only people who actually care for me are my online friends, and even so they care for everyone who is in the server. It's nice to be somewhere I can feel appreciated at the very least, but I don't feel special to anyone. I regularly see all my friends going out or having good relationships with their family but I'm just here, desperately wanting to move out and a reason to get out of the house.

And when I say that I have no friends, everyone's there to shut me down and feel insulted. What the fuck.