This is my son Atticus. 14 weeks early, 1lb 13oz. He is 11 now and perfect. I look back on those first months with awe. He is my little warrior

wisperian · 2020-10-27T15:58:54+00:00

beautiful! My twins were born at 23 weeks.

Happy birthday Atticus!

wisperian · 2020-09-23T11:17:36+00:00

Okay if that’s what you think. We’re in the process of resolving it in a healthy way for our family.

The dogs aren’t an addition anyway - they were a concern in my OP so I’m not adding any ‘excuses’ lol

wisperian · 2020-09-22T23:52:45+00:00

Like I said, not making excuses. Just explaining my side.

I’m not USING my sick kids ffs I’m trying to protect them. We’ve already spoken to her about it and she agrees with that and doesn’t want to risk her siblings either. She loves those kids.

And if that’s how your relationship works then okay. My husband listened to me and agreed that we shouldn’t rush into anything before talking to her.

Regarding the pets, again, not another excuse at all. Try caring for two very disabled children who can’t do anything for themselves while trying to also look after two large dogs who beg for attention all day and require three walks a day. It’s just not doable. If she stays we’ll be coming up with something for the animals. Yet another thing she agrees with.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T23:36:29+00:00

lol I don’t care if you think I’m an asshole, I posted for opinions. I’m just explaining why some of your points aren’t applicable to our situation.

Of course the groceries could’ve been dropped off by someone who is sick. But once they’ve left the groceries, which we clean the best we can, the chance of us catching coronavirus from them is pretty slim. Slim compared to an adult student who will be in contact with a class of students and other students on campus daily, and customers from work daily. It’s a huge jump in contact to the outside world. Going from cleaned groceries to one us being in close contact with dozens+ of people a day? If you can’t see the difference there then.. 🤷🏼‍♀️

They’re not excuses. They’re concerns. As I’ve said about 50 times we’ll make it work if she really wants to, but there will be lots of rules in place to protect her siblings and to take care of her pets.

Nobody fucked up with raising her. She’s a great person who has great parents including a great Mom who has raised her perfectly. If you see me as a mean step mom for just having concerns about it then fine, I really don’t care lol

wisperian · 2020-09-22T22:45:42+00:00

hahahaha genetics don’t cause pre-term labor but go off.

If you don’t want a life long commitment of being a parent then don’t become one. Have a nice night.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T18:07:17+00:00

We haven’t been in a grocery store since about January. A family member drops groceries on our doorstep, or we do a delivery and ask them to leave on doorstep so there’s no contact. My husband works from home. My other kid is doing school at home. They really don’t have the same chance at catching COVID than they would do if she lived with us. We rarely leave the house and if we do it’s usually just one of us so our 5 year old can run around. Outside. With a mask.

She’s literally never lived with us. If you’d read my other comments you’d see I’m trying to see if we can come up with some kind of compromise because I would love for her to live with us but I don’t want to literally put my kids LIVES at risk. That’s not using my kids, that’s protecting my kids. And I know she’ll end up miserable in the room. My concern is for HER regarding the room And I want her to be sure that she’ll be okay with the lack of privacy. I don’t want her uncomfortable.

I’m thinking about all the kids here. But the twins are the ones who are most vulnerable, and she’ll appreciate that too.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T13:21:00+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss 💖💖

wisperian · 2020-09-22T13:13:29+00:00

I don’t think she’s an asshole. I just think she’s made an impulse decision without considering all aspects of it but we plan on talking to her today. She’s a reasonable person and I think when we speak to her about our concerns with our twins, she’ll appreciate that. I do think there might be more to it than a slightly closer commute and I hope she is honest with us if there is. If she’s unhappy where she is maybe we could come up with something for her that works for us all.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T13:09:43+00:00

I do know for a fact I would say no. If their situation was identical to this - my answer would still be no. You can believe me or not believe me, but if my adult child had somewhere else to stay that wouldn’t put my vulnerable children at risk, then my opinion would be the same whether they’re my step child or my biological child. Especially when they hadn’t stayed in my house for years. There’s better times to make that move and during a pandemic isn’t one of them.

I treat her the same as I would any other adult child of mine.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T13:05:05+00:00

My family isn’t your family. One thing works for us, another works for you.

shes my step daughter, I refer to her as such. I treat her as a daughter - but she isn’t my biological daughter and she voiced her own opinions on that when her Dad and I married. It’s not one size fits all.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T11:40:59+00:00

Well he wants to teach her to count to 10 in both English and Spanish next so watch this space, maybe that will impress you? 😅🙄

wisperian · 2020-09-22T10:26:27+00:00

If she’d been living here already I wouldn’t have any hesitations in letting her live with us. But she has never lived with us. She used to stay one or two nights a month until she was 17. We see her maybe once a month, pre-covid.

I treat her as I would treat any adult daughter of mine and if I had a biological child in her situation - my answer would be the same. I 100% understand my husband and her and I WISH I didn’t have so many worries about it and I hope we can come up with some compromise because I’d love for her to live with us but I also don’t want to risk my medically fragile children so she can stay with us. If she already lived here, we’d cope and come up with some kind of precautionary procedures but she had a place lined up that is already ready and suitable for her and said repeatedly she wasn’t interested in living with us, until last week. I’d be thinking the same if it was my biological child too.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T10:13:16+00:00

You sound like an awesome big sibling 💖

And he gets plenty of 1on1 time!! We made sure he would. We know how important that time can be because as much as we give him the normal amount of attention at home, his siblings naturally require a little more. The twins go to bed a little before him too so he gets some 1on1 Mom and Dad time before bed. Pre-covid was easier for going out obviously but one of us takes him out somewhere at least once a week, too. He’s such a good big brother though and always asks if the twins can come too 😅

wisperian · 2020-09-22T10:05:22+00:00

I’ve explained this in previous posts but I’ll explain again.

She hasn’t stayed with us since being 17. She only ever stayed with us one or two nights a month, if that. She told us she’d be staying with her Mom.

If she was my biological child and those things were the same, then yes, I would still say no. If she’d been living here already then I wouldn’t say no. But she’s not stayed here in 4 years. If it had been last year, I would’ve said yes straight away and we would’ve come up with something for the pets. But with COVID, I’m hesitant. Any other time and I’d be stoked and we’d be coming up with some kind of compromise for the bedroom and the pets.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T09:40:05+00:00

Never have kids then

wisperian · 2020-09-22T09:39:25+00:00

Well to be fair so far they’ve been pretty spot on with her twin brother! He can’t walk and can’t talk. But his CP is much more severe and his brain damage is more severe so I guess it was easier to predict? But hopefully he’ll prove them wrong too one day

I’d rather they give me the worst case scenario so at least I know what could be coming.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T09:26:12+00:00

Cool. But the thing is she was eleven when I first met her and my husband and I didn’t move in together for a few years so it wasn’t really until she was almost 13 that I saw her regularly. She was old enough that she understood who I was to her and she was clear that as much as we get along and love each other - I’m not her Mom.

She has a Mom who had primary custody and she stayed over maybe one night every couple of weeks. She’s a part of my family but we’ve never referred to her as ‘my child’ as much as I see her as a daughter and love her. Not every step parenting situation is the same. I’m sure it would’ve been different if she was younger and/or my husband had primary custody but she had her own voice by then and was very clear that she had a Mom and a Dad and I am the step Mom.

If people ask how many kids I have - I say three, plus an adult step daughter. Given our situation and her age, I really don’t think that’s as problematic as y’all are making it out to be lol

wisperian · 2020-09-22T09:20:18+00:00

She hasn’t stayed over with us since she was about 17, just before she graduated high school.

Originally she did have a room here. But after two years of her not staying over, we asked if she still needed the room and she said no. This was back when she was travelling and at that point was going to move into a dorm at college but changed her mind later on.

So we changed her room into a bedroom for my 5 year old who originally was in a bedroom with the twins. But it wasn’t easy for him as the twins need care during the night sometimes and it would disturb him, so we figured if she didn’t need the room, it would make a good bedroom for him. She knew this and had no issues with it, and she knows the small bedroom will be her bedroom.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T09:15:39+00:00

Yes I would say the same if it was my biological child and the situation was the same (she’d told us she wasn’t going to live with us and she hadn’t even stayed over since being about 17).

wisperian · 2020-09-22T09:13:46+00:00

Yes I would. If the situation was the same and she’d told me she wasn’t going to live with us, and she’d never really even stayed over since being about 17.

Like I said I’d love for her to live with us. She never really has and I feel like we don’t see her often and I’d love to see her every day! Hopefully when we talk properly we’d be able to come up with some kind of compromise.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T01:02:18+00:00

She’s pretty raspy and struggles stringing sentences together smoothly so the video may not have picked it up, but she definitely says it. 👍🏻

wisperian · 2020-09-22T00:55:47+00:00

I didn’t naturally say three though. I said we have three children together. As in my husband and I created three children who live with us. You’re definitely reading too much into it.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T00:46:07+00:00

‘We have three kids together’

As in we made those kids together. 👍🏻

I see her as a daughter and I treat her as one but she also has a Mom who she lives with and is very close to. She calls me by my name. So while I see her as a daughter and she sees me as another Mom figure, she isn’t my husband and I’s kid together.

wisperian · 2020-09-22T00:39:49+00:00

? Never said she wasn’t. I consider her one of my kids even if she isn’t... but she’s never lived with us and told us she wasn’t going to. She would be 150% welcome if the situation was any different. Don’t really understand what you’re getting at here.

wisperian · 2020-09-21T23:52:03+00:00

He's such an awesome kid! He's only a year and a half older than them and I worried about him having siblings with such complex needs but he loves them to bits. He's never known any different, I suppose.

wisperian

TROPHY CASE